I learned something while watching the Oscars...

1. According to a television advertisement, a piece of Extra Sugar Free Gum is the new low calorie "snack."

2. Movies like Norbit can be nominated for an academy award. Norbit = Worst 10 minutes of my life.

3. I'm grateful I never saw Enchanted.

4. Strippers can be screenwriters too. BUT remember kids: respect your bodies and stay in school! Now do you think people really liked the way she wrote Juno OR were people just surprised that she actually wrote Juno? Alright, fine, I'm just being catty. Juno was a good movie. I hate the first 30 minutes. Actually Jennifer Garner made the movie for me. She should have been nominated. And...... I'm finished with my Juno speech. (I told you teen pregnancy was ALL the RAGE! When? See my previous post about 2008 predictions.)

5. One should never consume 8 Reese's Peanut Cups shaped like eggs in one sitting.

6. By 11:00 PM, the Oscars should be forced to end OR a leprechaun should come out and do some kind of lively performance OR Britney Spears should make a speech OR Jack Black and the audience should play a rousing game of Heads Up 7 Up OR that girl from Miss Teen USA should be asked a question about immigration (like, such as, the Iraq...) OR Gob should do a magic show OR Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton should have a dance off. Any of these acts would keep me interested.

7. Nicole Kidman shouldn't be allowed to move. Her head is so big, I'm sure it weighs more than the rest of her body, which means that any type of quick movement or even a small amount of speaking could cause her head to snap right off and then who would star in her upcoming 2008 "Untitled Nicole Kidman project?" I'd suggest Kate Winslet. She and Cate Blanchette should star in everything. I wish Amanda Bynes' name was Kate. Hey, can you imagine a movie with Amanda Bynes, Cate and Kate? I can. Now that's comedy my friends.

8. Owen Wilson presented an award. It was awkward as he couldn't read the teleprompter very well AND there wasn't anything funny about him. Why, why, why did they let him present? So we could all be reminded of his pain and suffering? Thanks a lot.

Oh, I'm exhausted and I have REAL homework to do. All this writing has made me hungry. I need a snack. I know! I'll have a piece of gum. Mmmmm, it's so filling. I'm completely satisfied after this piece of gum. And guess what, it's only a 5 calorie snack! All the boys are going to LOVE me now! Mmmmm, sugar free is the BEST! So delicious. I could eat gum ALL the time. If I just snack on gum all day, maybe I could skip meals. That's not an eating disorder, is it?

Sugar free gum = the gateway snack to eating disorders.