...gets a little ahead of themselves. Anyone else a little sick of Ms. Susan Boyle? Girl, we get it, you can sing but you haven't won the competition yet. If you aren't sick of her, you can watch her tonight on Larry King Live. I think Ashton Kutcher will be on as well. Riveting. Can't wait. What a Friday night! (They are both on because of their internet popularity. Kutcher is a twitter champion. (His Mom, I mean wife, must be proud.) WTbleep is a twitter champion? Ashton Kutcher, who now has over 1,000,000 twitter followers, is a mother loving twitter champion.) Anyway, internet sensation Susan Boyle got like 50 bizillion hits on youtube since her debut performance. Ouch! Get it? Hits? Get it? To her youtube success I say, you're welcome.
I'm afraid the word followers makes twitter users feel like they are starting their own religion. Follow ME on twitter. My twitter-ligion is based on Ninjas. It'll change your life for the better. Follow or I'll nunchuck your face. Later dweebs. I gotta go get my twit on.
Love,
Jenna
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Sometimes she's just being...
...the richest, most overconfident, awkward teenage performer of this generation or any generation.
I might be seeing a certain movie tonight starring a certain pop princess. Maybe. If you might want to see this movie too, join me in Times Square at 8:30.
I can't wait...to see you again.
Love,
Jenna
I might be seeing a certain movie tonight starring a certain pop princess. Maybe. If you might want to see this movie too, join me in Times Square at 8:30.
I can't wait...to see you again.
Love,
Jenna
Sometimes people say the...
...craziest things. No really, people say crazy things. Things they shouldn't say. Ever.
For example:
Hulk Hogan, when speaking of his recent divorce and his wife's much younger lover, said, "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."
Whoops. Oh no, that 19 year old is driving his Escalade??? Ah, shi...he gets your wife and your bed, the least he could do is leave your Escalade alone! Men and cars. So predictable. (I don't even know what that means.) But come on, The Hulk obviuosly meant Orange Juice. Nothing like good ol' OJ to give you the energy to get your through a hard day or divorce. It's not like he used to get all greased up, threaten to crush people and then beat them up for a living. Wrestling is fake. Those muscles probably aren't even real. It's all digital enhancement or a muscle suit or something. He's harmless. But seriously, give him his freakin' Escalade or your head is going to be in a sleeper hold so fast....
When speaking, avoid these: Nazis, school shootings, terrorists, OJ, wearing flip flops in Manhattan (Do you know how filthy that is?), pig crap, your book "The Best Way to Murder and Get Away With It," heighth (if you're around midgets), sight (if you're around blind people), using the word "retarded" (if you're around...nevermind...too far), your gun collection, your love for Rush Limbaugh (if you live in Manhattan), diahrrea and lastly (and this could the most important of them all) your girlfriend's weight.
Gosh, you can't say anything anymore!
Love,
Jenna
For example:
Hulk Hogan, when speaking of his recent divorce and his wife's much younger lover, said, "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."
Whoops. Oh no, that 19 year old is driving his Escalade??? Ah, shi...he gets your wife and your bed, the least he could do is leave your Escalade alone! Men and cars. So predictable. (I don't even know what that means.) But come on, The Hulk obviuosly meant Orange Juice. Nothing like good ol' OJ to give you the energy to get your through a hard day or divorce. It's not like he used to get all greased up, threaten to crush people and then beat them up for a living. Wrestling is fake. Those muscles probably aren't even real. It's all digital enhancement or a muscle suit or something. He's harmless. But seriously, give him his freakin' Escalade or your head is going to be in a sleeper hold so fast....
When speaking, avoid these: Nazis, school shootings, terrorists, OJ, wearing flip flops in Manhattan (Do you know how filthy that is?), pig crap, your book "The Best Way to Murder and Get Away With It," heighth (if you're around midgets), sight (if you're around blind people), using the word "retarded" (if you're around...nevermind...too far), your gun collection, your love for Rush Limbaugh (if you live in Manhattan), diahrrea and lastly (and this could the most important of them all) your girlfriend's weight.
Gosh, you can't say anything anymore!
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sometimes the Fox and the Cougar...
...come out to play. TV Land's new reality series hosted by Vivica A. Fox, The Cougar, premieres tonight.
For a preview, watch this.
It's gonna be nasty. Like, for real. GROSS!!!
Love,
Jenna
For a preview, watch this.
It's gonna be nasty. Like, for real. GROSS!!!
Love,
Jenna
Sometimes I start blogging from my cell phone...
How is this different than twitter? I get 160 characters, instead of 140. Both allow me to post all kinds of regrettable things. And no spell check. Yikes.
Sometimes Britain's Got Talent...
...and this woman is fantastic (and so are the producers of this show). If you have an extra 7 minutes, get inspired.
Love,
Jenna
Love,
Jenna
Sometimes I laugh out loud...
...LOL!
LOL is probably one of the most, if not the most overused acronyms in the online world.
i<3lol:>
LOLsucks stands up and shouts, "YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING!" The rest of the office types furiously to each other, "What is stuck up her butt! LOL!!!"
Actually, acronyms have transcended the online world and are now saving speakers everywhere seconds everyday.
I'm not immune to using acronyms and catch myself using them quite often. But I like words. I enjoy them in many ways. Reading them, writing them, saying them, not so much spelling them. I've alwayes bien a terribel speler. Thank goodness for spell check.
Everyone gets in word habits that are hard to break. One of the most overused words in the English language? Literally. The word literally literally turns into a filler word used to emphasize something the speaker feels is important.
I literally love you.
What does that mean?
I am literally starving.
Uh, no you're not.
I literally killed him yesterday in a game of scrabble.
You did what? We're playing battleship. I just sunk your submarine. That's a fake gun, right? Why are you looking at me like that!
Remember when people used to say, "Gag me a with a spoon." No? Maybe it was a Utah thing. Either way, it was weird. Let's not bring that phrase back.
Love,
Jenna
LOL is probably one of the most, if not the most overused acronyms in the online world.
i<3lol:>
LOLsucks stands up and shouts, "YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING!" The rest of the office types furiously to each other, "What is stuck up her butt! LOL!!!"
Actually, acronyms have transcended the online world and are now saving speakers everywhere seconds everyday.
I'm not immune to using acronyms and catch myself using them quite often. But I like words. I enjoy them in many ways. Reading them, writing them, saying them, not so much spelling them. I've alwayes bien a terribel speler. Thank goodness for spell check.
Everyone gets in word habits that are hard to break. One of the most overused words in the English language? Literally. The word literally literally turns into a filler word used to emphasize something the speaker feels is important.
I literally love you.
What does that mean?
I am literally starving.
Uh, no you're not.
I literally killed him yesterday in a game of scrabble.
You did what? We're playing battleship. I just sunk your submarine. That's a fake gun, right? Why are you looking at me like that!
Remember when people used to say, "Gag me a with a spoon." No? Maybe it was a Utah thing. Either way, it was weird. Let's not bring that phrase back.
Love,
Jenna
Monday, April 13, 2009
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 4/13/09
Arrested: The Easter Bunny was arrested yesterday for indecent exposure. So...that's awkward. If Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and other Hollywood geniuses aren't required to wear underwear, is the Easter Bunny really required to wear pants?
e-Harmony Is For Lo...han's: When I was rejected from e-Harmony for being what they called, "too complicated," I thought, at least Lindsay Lohan would be rejected too.
Now that Lohan has been accepted, my fate it sealed. I will die alone, with a bag of SunChips in hand, watching reruns of Law & Order, wearing elastic waist pants, surrounded by cats (who may or may not even be mine) and walls plastered with posters of Zac Efron.
Humble Pie: South Park put Kanye West in his place in a recent episode that Kanye claims has humbled him. Kanye had this to say, "Kanye is so sorry that he only thought about himself. Kanye is ready to put the ego aside and just work on making dope music." He was then interrupted by his publicist who whispered something in his ear. The microphone picked up what he whispered back, "I was doing what again? Speaking in 3rd person feels more natural." Kanye turned back to the mic and said, "Kanye, I mean, I will take questions now. Man in the ill fitting suite, go ahead and ask. Excuse me, you, did you just look me in the eyes? Come on, man, I'm trying to change and you are making it difficult for me. I'm the Obama of music. Change? Yes, he, I can!"
The Hook-Up: K-Fed and B. Spears are rumored to be giving their STDs to each other again. They too were accepted on e-Harmony (I may as well give up and get fat) and their personality profiles matched them up. Hey world, accept it. K-Fed and B. Spears will forever gross us out and there is nothing we can do about it.
I'm JK! (high five or punch in the stomach depending on who you are)
Love,
Jenna
e-Harmony Is For Lo...han's: When I was rejected from e-Harmony for being what they called, "too complicated," I thought, at least Lindsay Lohan would be rejected too.
Now that Lohan has been accepted, my fate it sealed. I will die alone, with a bag of SunChips in hand, watching reruns of Law & Order, wearing elastic waist pants, surrounded by cats (who may or may not even be mine) and walls plastered with posters of Zac Efron.
Humble Pie: South Park put Kanye West in his place in a recent episode that Kanye claims has humbled him. Kanye had this to say, "Kanye is so sorry that he only thought about himself. Kanye is ready to put the ego aside and just work on making dope music." He was then interrupted by his publicist who whispered something in his ear. The microphone picked up what he whispered back, "I was doing what again? Speaking in 3rd person feels more natural." Kanye turned back to the mic and said, "Kanye, I mean, I will take questions now. Man in the ill fitting suite, go ahead and ask. Excuse me, you, did you just look me in the eyes? Come on, man, I'm trying to change and you are making it difficult for me. I'm the Obama of music. Change? Yes, he, I can!"
The Hook-Up: K-Fed and B. Spears are rumored to be giving their STDs to each other again. They too were accepted on e-Harmony (I may as well give up and get fat) and their personality profiles matched them up. Hey world, accept it. K-Fed and B. Spears will forever gross us out and there is nothing we can do about it.
I'm JK! (high five or punch in the stomach depending on who you are)
Love,
Jenna
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
