Sometimes I hate my bladder...

...especially on a "Megabus" heading towards Boston on a cold and somewhat dreary Friday night.   I shouldn't have had that last Diet Coke.  Awkward.  

Believe it or not, I really am on the bus right now.  Thanks to a little thing called the "Wi-Fi," I can use the internet, check the facebook, shop online at the Nordstrom and work a little on the blogspot.  (Where I come from, we put "the" in front of everything.  Seriously.  No really.  Utahns are notorious for overusing the word "the.")

So what's on my mind right now?  Oh, you mean besides Sunchips?  The facebook.

Recently on the facebook, I've been tagged by several different people in their "25 Random Things About Me" note.  If you are lucky enough to be tagged in one of these notes, you are supposed to compile your own random list about yourself and pass it along to 25 of your friends.  Ha. 25 friends!  That's outrageous.  I don't even know if I have 25 contacts in my cell phone.  Shoot, do I even know 25 people?  

I know what you are thinking and I agree.  Honestly, I don't even want to know 25 random things about myself either.  Instead, I present:

25 Random Things About Me If I Were Michael Phelps:

1.  My mom makes the best pot...roast.

2.  I started swimming after getting cut from the basketball team for getting too fired up.

3.  I traded my gold medals for something green.  

4.  Before my swim meets, I listen to my ipod to get motivated to smoke past my competition.

5.  If I smoked pot, I bet it would be easier to smoke it through my gills  

6.  When I hosted SNL, I was so hig...excited.

7.  Grass brownies are my favorite.

8.  If I could be anything, I'd be a bong.

9.  If I couldn't be a bong, I'd be a hookah.

10.  When I get the munchies, I like to eat Subway Sandwiches*.

11.  I got to know "Buddha" with the Chinese swim team the night before I won my 7th gold medal.  

12.  I would never smoke pot...in a swimming pool.

13.  I hide pot in my speedo (an all natural enhancement).

14.  I want to name my first child Mary Jane if it's a girl and Herb if it's a boy.

15.  The smell of pot and chlorine chokes me up.

16.  Thinking about corn beef and hash makes my mouth water.

17.  I bring the funk to every party.

18.  I light up with my friends around. 

19.  I always take a hit for the team.

20.  Crazy Eddie is my best friend.

21.  I love a good joint.

22.  My body is smokin'.

23.  I own a lot of hemp.

24.  I like to take pictures of me pretending to smoke pot.

25.  Screw it, I like pot a lot.  Sue me.  

*No need to endorse them anymore.  They dropped their sponsorship, dork.

Seeing Michael Phelps smoking pot makes all 18-22 year college boys think they're that much closer to being Olympians.  You're all idiots.

Signing off the Megabus Wi-fi with LOVE,

Jenna

P.S. Curse you Diet Coke and my bladder!  Are we there yet?

Sometimes actors...

...can not be disturbed. And if you, for some reason, need to check the lights on the set and disturb him or her, truly disturbing things WILL happen. He or she might cut you. Or just curse loudly in your face.

I'm sure you've all heard and/or read about Christian Bale's crazy rant on the set of the new Terminator movie. I finally listened to the whole thing today after having co workers reenact the scene at me yesterday and there is something about his anger that made me blush. As I was listening, all I could do was laugh. Laugh and laugh. LOL times 10. LMAO until M A was quite literally O.

It didn't help that he kept switching accents throughout the whole thing.

It still makes me giggle. Maybe I AM disturbed. I shouldn't laugh! I shouldn't! But who gets that angry?

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes America just isn't enough...

...and The Beckham's are leaving us!

Or so they wish. But when David, Posh and Beckham babies came to America, we made sure they signed a contract tighter than Posh's skinniest skinny jeans (I would say Jessica Simpson's skinny jeans but OMG, she's like such a fattie right now! Like, she was wearing like total "mom jeans." Puh-lease, my mom would never ever wear those jeans. Trust me, I know what "mom jeans" are. I'm from Utah: the mother's mecca of mom jeans and Jessica Simpson wasn't wearing them.)

So, David Beckham wants to leave the LA Galaxy and move to Italy to play soccer/football for AC Milan (I think that's right). I'm not sure I'm ready for Posh to leave. If you read my blog, you know why. I have to hang on to every last Spice Girl I can. Remember her one time reality special, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America (That may not be the official title but I'm too tired to google it right now)? It was ridiculously posh or maybe just ridiculous. Speaking of ridiculous...

The Millionaire Matchmaker is coming back to Bravo next week. When she arrived on the Bravo circuit last year, I was fascinated by her business. She's a female pimp. It's incredible. Millionaire men (I've never seen a female client) actually pay her tens of thousands of dollars to find a hot actress for him to date. How does ANYONE have a job like that and actually take themselves seriously??? And how can I break into this business? Oh and I think the matchmaker got some renewed implants for the upcoming season. As if she wasn't frightening/irritating enough, now her boobies are as obnoxious as her personality. Oh Bravo, you try so hard to appear sophisticated but in reality you actually produce a lot of mindless programming. Speaking of mindless...

Have you seen the commercials for hulu.com with Alec Baldwin? They are brilliant so I guess they aren't really mindless at all. Alec is an alien explaining how TV turns your brain to mush so that he and other TV creating aliens can eat them. Their slogan is, "Hulu: An evil plot to destroy the world. Enjoy." Except my sister and brother-in-law live in Thailand and can't access Hulu. So Hulu can't destroy the world...yet.

Maybe you can't watch Hulu in Italy either. Did you hear that Beckham family? Why do you want to live in a place without mindless television (available via hulu.com)? I bet in Italy, people don't even watch TV. I think Italians eat pasta, drink wine and lay around looking fashionable (or so I imagine) all day. Wait a minute, that sounds better than mindless television...hmmm, now I'm confused. Maybe it's the mindless television that keeps us from moving like the Beckham's so desire?

I think Hulu should change their slogan to...

Hulu: an evil plot to destroy your brain so you'll never leave the country. Enjoy!

Don't leave us, David, Victoria and babies. Don't leave us! Oh wait, you can't. Not yet at least. And by the time your contract actually releases you, you'll be so hooked on the Millionaire Matchmaker, you'll want to stay.

Oh how I love television.

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes I want to shout...

...Oh snap!  

I was almost offended today when my friend facebook-ed me to tell me that I was too nice.  

What the?  I'm not too nice! I just want to make clear that I got sass, people.  And, although I'm writing this post mostly because I'm a bit distracted tonight baking cookies with so much love they don't have calories, rescuing small animals, creating rainbows with my smile, saving marriages with song and magically resolving, preemptively, any potential problems in my perfectly happy nice life, I can bring the 'tude when necessary.   

So...

...suck on that, losers.

Oh Snap!  Now I'm going to listen to some unedited rap or something.  Well at least I would, if I had any.  I guess it's back to the High School Musical Soundtrack.  

Not as much LOVE as usual,

Jenna

Sometimes bad news...

...comes in the form of a groundhog's shadow. Who came up with this ridiculous tradition? Paganism? PETA? Germans? And how can we be sure the groundhog knows what he (OR SHE) is actually seeing? And what's with the top hats?


Groundhog lovers and supporters claim that the whole shadow prediction thing is 75%-90% accurate. Real researchers (poor guys) have found that a groundhog has an overall prediction accuracy rate around 39%.

Either way, winter ends in mid March. That means, winter will end sometime in the next six weeks so the groundhog tradition, is what I like to call, silly. I don't get it.

The only good thing that comes from this tradition is the movie (and maybe top hats) and that is a stretch.

But just in case you were wondering or you actually care, Phil, that's Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow this morning, so it's official, we have approximately six more weeks of winter. Phew, I'm so glad I know so I can plan accordingly.

Honestly, in my mind, winter is over. I walked to work today with my coat over my arm. It was 41 degrees and sunny. Toasty...

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I love sporting events...

...just because of the National Anthem.  I love feeling all sentimental and patriotic.  It's been a while since I've felt as patriotic as I did tonight watching Jennifer Hudson sing The Star Spangled Banner.  

Seriously.  I got teary eyed before she started.  She's been through hell this past year.  And well, she's one of the most incredible singers probably ever.  I was so proud of her.  If I were her, I would have walked off that field and cried my eyes out. Then I'd go straight home, put on my pajamas, and eat delicious football watching food with my closest friends.  

She was amazing.  I am in awe.  

So about  the actual game.  Who's playing again?  Just kidding...maybe.

I have commercials, brownies and Bruce Springsteen to look forward to tonight.  I'm afraid all three of those things might be a letdown in the end.  Remember when the Super Bowl Half-time shows were full of super-mega pop stars?  Now the acts are always chilled out old school legends which are fine, I guess.  But I'll never forget, NSYNC, Britney Spears, Nelly, Mary J. Blige and Aerosmith working the stage in 2001.  

Between you and me, I've never forgiven Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson for her wardrobe "malfunction" back in 2004.   And what's even more annoying is that I didn't even see the controversial moment.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was in my kitchen, watching the performance with a bowl of ice cream in my lap (this was well before my dairy issues began).  I looked down to refresh my spoon with another bite of mint chocolate chip and one of my siblings gasped!  I looked up and the moment had passed.  But really, should anyone be surprised about the exposed breast?  Let me rephrase that.  Should any girl between the ages of 12-18 have been surprised?  We should have seen it coming.  They were singing Justin's infamous songs in which he ends saying, "Gonna have you naked by the end of this song."  And you're, no, we're shocked he followed through?  

Anyway, if I see anything interesting tonight, I'll let you know.  But if I never speak of Super Bowl 43 again, you'll know I was disappointed and have chosen to forget it ever happened.  

Love,

Jenna