Sometimes I celebrate Earth Day...

...by completely ignoring it. I'm pretty sure it was Earth Day yesterday and I didn't even eat any Sunchips! Where is my head these days, it's like I'm on a different planet! Earth to Jenna, it was Earth Day! OMG, duh!

Last year, if you remember, which you probably don't, I threw my first "Go Green or Go Home" party, which was sort of a big deal. Like P. Diddy's 4th of July White Party, everyone had to wear green from head to toe and bring their own plates, silverware, and cups. I died my fur coat green and one of my besties, Hannah Montana (I'm not really into Miley), wore a dress made out of old cell phone batteries, tires and sequins (the girl loves to sparkle). We were the talk of the fashion blogs for weeks. Then at the after party, everyone had a big water fight. And after the after party, I burned our trash instead of throwing it away. It was a huge success. Mother Earth was proud, I think.

Anyway, this year, I've decided to write a letter to earth.

Dear Mother Earth,

I hear you're getting warmer which is totally "hot" though I think winter ran a little long this year, if you ask me. You've been a good earth, minus a few disasters. What's up with those? How about making more rainbows? And more puppies and bunnies and Zac Efrons? Also, I'm really sorry about the three bottles of water I drank this morning. It's possible that at least one of them made it into the recycling bin unless of course the intern who I threw the bottle at and yelled, "Recycle this, loser!" failed. Do you think you could make the wind blow less in Manhattan? Thanx. TTYL!

Love,
Jenna

I'm going to get struck by lightning someday. Hopefully I'll be in my hybrid car when it happens. Happy Earth Day, mother [earth] lovers!

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I need...

...your help. JKJ blog followers and readers everywhere but mostly in NYC, you are my only hope. On Friday, May 8th, I have the chance to perform in a comedy showcase. Here's where you come in. If I don't have at least four of you there cheering me on in the audience, I don't get any stage time. Soooooo, mark your calendars because if I don't get to tell jokes, it's ALL your fault. Just a little pressure, that's all.

Here are the details:

Friday May 8th
New York Comedy Club
241 East 24th Street
8 PM SHARP.

$10 cover/2 drink minimum (soda, juice, water counts for all my Momo friends out there and of course alcohol--for my rebellious friends...)

Make reservations at: info@superegocomedy.com OR jenna@jennakimjones.com (If you e-mail the first address, please make sure you tell them you are coming for me or else I won't get the credit.)

Come on, it will be fun. We'll watch a little comedy, you'll laugh at my mediocre jokes, then we'll go watch a Zac Efron movie afterward and maybe we'll cuddle? In your dreams, dweeb.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Sunchips...

...are the greatest part of my Subway sandwich experience. I've known they were a superior chip for years BUT NOW they can prove it. How? READ THIS.

SUNCHIPS SAVE THE WORLD and my sanity. (Though sadly, they still have calories.)

Go green the easy way. EAT CHIPS. (I recommend Garden Salsa or the new Peppercorn Ranch. Apparently, there is a new "Chipotle" flavor coming out which I haven't tried yet. But I can't wait. When I'm famous, Sunchips owes me a lifetime supply of chips otherwise what is the point of even aiming for fame? That's right nerds, someday I will be the face of Sunchips.)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes The Drudge Report...

...hits me in the face with this headline:

"Scientists' Alert: Fatties Cause Global Warming"

I immediately put down my fried twinkie thinking, if this is an elaborate fart joke, so help me, I'm already laughing. Unfortunately, it wasn't (though it's still semi-uncomfortably funny).

"The rising number of fat people was yesterday blamed for global warming.

Scientists warned that the increase in big-eaters means more food production — a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet.

Overweight people are also more likely to drive, adding to environmental damage.

Dr Phil Edwards, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said: “Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler.”

Each fat person is said to be responsible for emitting a tonne more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one.

It means an extra BILLION TONNES of CO2 a year is created, according to World Health Organisation estimates of overweight people.

The scientists say providing extra grub for them to guzzle adds to carbon emissions that heat up the world, melting polar ice caps, raising sea levels and killing rain forests."

I have three things to say about this:

1. Add this to your list of topics to avoid (especially at Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's or KFC) that I began compiling a few days ago.

2. J. Simpson, take note.

3. This is just one more reason for Hollywood starlets to smoke/take/inhale/burn/inject/do crack AND preach going green to the rest of us food whores.

Scientists' Alert: Anorexics save the planet.

Back to my twinkie.

Love,
Jenna: the girl who warmed the world one meal at a time

P.S. Sunchips don't cause global warming. They are made with solar power and love. So deal. I can still eat them as much as I want. Hey, I'll even walk to the store to buy them. How's that?

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 4/20/09

Lady Gag-a: Turns out her name is pronounced Lady Ga Ga. I've been saying it wrong for weeks! And get this, Lady GaGa isn't even her REAL name. Her REAL name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta. I don't know why she doesn't go by that. Also, she and Beyonce both seem to forget their pants a lot when they "sing." That seems to be a trend these days. Ladies, nylons aren't pants.

Opposites Attract: Zac Efron and my future boyfriend collided in the street in front of a fortune teller witch who decided to play a little trick on them and now they have permanently switched bodies. So future boyfriend, Zac, please call me. I'm ready to get this relationship started so we can enter into an opposite marriage ASAP.

Giddy Up: Madonna fell off a horse last week. Literally. She fell off an actual horse. The horse couldn't hold the weight of the world that rests on Madonna's shoulders. Her life is SO hard and nobody understands her heart, especially the Malawian government. The horse told paparazzi that he had been trying to kick her off for a while now but she-man-donna has inner thigh muscles like a python. Pilates works, I guess.

Can't Get Enough of J. Simpson Fat Jokes, Forgive Me: Jessica Simpson's new bikini line was featured in the Miss USA competition. Modeled after J. Simpson, the bikinis only came in size chubby, fat, and obese so the seamstresses spent hours taking them in for the little competitors.

I'm JK and I am dying to see 17 Again and maybe again after that. Laterz, nerdz.

Love,
Jenna