...has so much power over us!
Would the pretend facebook who keeps posting comments on my blog understand that he or she is in grave danger. Please be careful. In my feed this morning, facebook warned me that it is hungry for YOUR brain.
Jenna is moving on:
Today and only today, my greatest wish is to see my face on a Lucky Charms box. Athletes are on Wheaties, which is, let's be honest, boresville (not a word, I know). Not only are Wheaties worse than corn flakes, but you have to pour at least a cup of sugar on them to make them swallowable (also not a word, very aware of that). How do I qualify for such an honor? Well, I'm not Irish BUT:
1. I have been known to find many a lucky penny.
2. I often replace the word "of" with "o'."
3. Currently, my favorite color is green.
4. I dated a red head once.
5. If I drank alcohol, I would drink like an Irishman, probably.
I'm sure General Mills will call me any second.
In other Jenna life news, I would like to announce that a friend of mine recently taught me how to punch correctly. Since it is a dream of mine (today and forever) to punch someone in the face one day (if you follow this blog, you definitely knew that), I thought it only right to learn the proper way to do it. Turns out , I am a pro and punching someone in the face will be easier than expected. If you would like a demonstration on yourself or one of your friends or enemies, I am more than happy to oblige for the very small fee of $1.00. That is cheap entertainment, folks!
Love,
Jenna
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Sometimes I update my facebook status...
...but my updates are always interesting and/or entertaining. The rest of you have some explaining to do.
What's the deal with the facebook status? I mean, sure I use it. But I know and willingly admit that it's just a cry for attention. Some people use that status like we really care what they are doing every second of every day. Yes, thank you, I really need a play by play from a girl who, when she requested me as a friend, I recognized but have no idea how I know her or why we are friends.
Here are a few observations I've made about the facebook status:
1. If you log on to facebook and 25 of your friends' status are announcing their recent engagement:
A. It's April Fool's Day
or
B. You are Mormon
or
C. You have a lot of Mormon friends and it's April 1st.
2. I appreciate the people who haven't realized that the "is" in the status line is optional. It's cute, really.
Mike is Happy Birthday Sarah!
3. The most exciting facebook status updates are the mean ones of course:
Brenda is so sick of men and their lies.
Blake hates all of you today.
Blaire wishes you would leave him alone forever.
Brad wants to hurt puppies.
(Probably shouldn't be friends with that last guy and apparently Blaire is a boy.)
4. I always feel a little nervous when people are inconsistent with their pronouns.
Incorrect: Rachel is walking my dog.
Correct: Rachel is walking her dog.
It's all very confusing unless, of course, Rachel is your dog walker or a known dog thief.
5. I don't understand spelling errors.
Dana can't wiat to see her neices. Yaayyy!!!!!
Typing that make me cringe. Reading it makes my head hurt.
6. The best facebook status updates are those that are trying real hard to be...ambiguous but really are just vague and/or irritating.
Steve is...
McKenzie can't wait...
Lauren wonders why you are so beautiful in the early morning sky when you aren't even here. (That doesn't even make sense.)
Jenny is staring deeply.
Richard writes his soul on napkins at starbucks.
7. Cliches are always fun too.
Stephanie is wearing her heart on her sleeve.
Mary wants you to turn that frown upside down.
Harry woke up at 7 am because the early bird gets the worm.
Although, I feel that these people are truly sincere, they still make me want to punch myself in the face.
8. Facebook status updates tell a lot about a personality.
A boss: Piper wants you to help me move tomorrow.
A lazy employee: Alex hates working today and wishes it was always Friday.
A vampire and/or science fiction geek (this is a tricky one): Ed is thirsty for your blood.
Conclusion: I've come to realize that the facebook status is weird because it forces us to type and read about ourselves in third person. And I recently heard that the more you talk about yourself in third person the more quickly facebook will own your soul and devour your brain.
Jenna is so finished with this post.
Love,
Jenna
What's the deal with the facebook status? I mean, sure I use it. But I know and willingly admit that it's just a cry for attention. Some people use that status like we really care what they are doing every second of every day. Yes, thank you, I really need a play by play from a girl who, when she requested me as a friend, I recognized but have no idea how I know her or why we are friends.
Here are a few observations I've made about the facebook status:
1. If you log on to facebook and 25 of your friends' status are announcing their recent engagement:
A. It's April Fool's Day
or
B. You are Mormon
or
C. You have a lot of Mormon friends and it's April 1st.
2. I appreciate the people who haven't realized that the "is" in the status line is optional. It's cute, really.
Mike is Happy Birthday Sarah!
3. The most exciting facebook status updates are the mean ones of course:
Brenda is so sick of men and their lies.
Blake hates all of you today.
Blaire wishes you would leave him alone forever.
Brad wants to hurt puppies.
(Probably shouldn't be friends with that last guy and apparently Blaire is a boy.)
4. I always feel a little nervous when people are inconsistent with their pronouns.
Incorrect: Rachel is walking my dog.
Correct: Rachel is walking her dog.
It's all very confusing unless, of course, Rachel is your dog walker or a known dog thief.
5. I don't understand spelling errors.
Dana can't wiat to see her neices. Yaayyy!!!!!
Typing that make me cringe. Reading it makes my head hurt.
6. The best facebook status updates are those that are trying real hard to be...ambiguous but really are just vague and/or irritating.
Steve is...
McKenzie can't wait...
Lauren wonders why you are so beautiful in the early morning sky when you aren't even here. (That doesn't even make sense.)
Jenny is staring deeply.
Richard writes his soul on napkins at starbucks.
7. Cliches are always fun too.
Stephanie is wearing her heart on her sleeve.
Mary wants you to turn that frown upside down.
Harry woke up at 7 am because the early bird gets the worm.
Although, I feel that these people are truly sincere, they still make me want to punch myself in the face.
8. Facebook status updates tell a lot about a personality.
A boss: Piper wants you to help me move tomorrow.
A lazy employee: Alex hates working today and wishes it was always Friday.
A vampire and/or science fiction geek (this is a tricky one): Ed is thirsty for your blood.
Conclusion: I've come to realize that the facebook status is weird because it forces us to type and read about ourselves in third person. And I recently heard that the more you talk about yourself in third person the more quickly facebook will own your soul and devour your brain.
Jenna is so finished with this post.
Love,
Jenna
So....phia was born today!
Congratulations to my brother Tyler and his beautiful wife Rachel! Rachel gave birth to Sophia Rose Jones this morning at 6 am. According to Janae, she looks more like Rachel which means she is a beauty. Phew, no offense Ty, you're a handsome dude but would you really want a "handsome" daughter? Exactly.
I am so happy for your little family! I hope Mr. Darcy and Party Girl behave themselves around their new sister.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. Cam and Jac...you're next!
I am so happy for your little family! I hope Mr. Darcy and Party Girl behave themselves around their new sister.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. Cam and Jac...you're next!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Sometimes I like food...
...a lot.
Is there something wrong with a person who wakes up in the morning and thinks about what she should eat, then gets to work and thinks about lunch, and then gets home from work and thinks, "What is the maximum I could eat without gaining any weight?" and then proceed to eat too much anyway?
If so, I really think you need help.
Oprah told me once, "You have to eat to live but you really shouldn't live to eat." That's an idea, I guess. Then again, should I really take eating advice from a woman whose weight has fluctuated more than Pam Anderson's marriage status? And lately, whose weight has steadily increased faster than my credit card debt? Gas prices and Oprah's weight: which one is more like to go down? And if so, is this really in the foreseeable future or are we doomed to pretend to go green with hybrid vehicles and stare at O Magazine covers thinking, "She is definitely not THAT skinny," forever?
Ok, you know what? I love food I do. Maybe I should just get fat and see what happens. Maybe people would think I was funnier and I could, along with Mo'Nique, make an entire career out of insulting skinny girls.
If I were forced to get fat, I would eat a lot of french fries and onion rings. More than I do now. I would also eat Taco Bell. A lot of it.
So let's just get this out in the open. I love Taco Bell. Yes, I know the ground beef comes out of a plastic bag and could potentially be made of rat meat. Yes, I know that there's a chance I might get hepatitis or some kind of tape worm from contaminated tomatoes. Of course, I understand that eating there places me at the bottom of the fast food food chain. If I have to put my life in my own hands to eat at Taco Bell, so be it. If it makes you feel any better, I do have one rule about Taco Bell. The TB Golden Rule: Never ever ever eat a bean burrito after 11 PM. I repeat: no bean burritos after 11 PM. Trust me. And trust my bowels.
Fast food is good. I wish everyone would just be open about it. You love it, your neighbor loves it, and you know what? I bet Barack Obama likes it. If Barack and Oprah ate at Wendy's tomorrow, oh who am I kidding, it's not even worth dreaming about. But seriously, can you imagine?
Actually, let me tell you a little bit about fast food in general.
You love it. Yes, you love it. Let me explain to you why you love it.
Imagine a time when you are far far away, in another country that may as well be another planet and you're exhausted after a long day of getting lost on your way to packed tourist destinations where you paid $5.00 for a bottle of water and took 50 pictures that you think make you look fat but will inevitably be posted on facebook anyway because you want to prove to your friends and future lovers that you've traveled the world all the while you are praying that the next person you speak to sounds like they are from Kansas and then...you see a McDonald's in the distance. You run for those golden arches, those crisp and skinny french fries, those little hamburgers with diced onions as fast as your exhausted legs and tevo wearing feet can carry you. You glide into that McDonald's like you own the world beacuse you are sure that the BigMac is going to taste like home and even if you can't read the menu you know what it says. You order your American fast food and slurp down that icy soda, sink into your booth, hide your camera and any evidence of a receipt and chew ever so slowly.
See, I told you. You love fast food. It's ok, I do too. (Probably not very comforting...)
My lunch was pretty good today. Lots of protein. I wonder what I should eat for dinner...
Love,
Jenna
Is there something wrong with a person who wakes up in the morning and thinks about what she should eat, then gets to work and thinks about lunch, and then gets home from work and thinks, "What is the maximum I could eat without gaining any weight?" and then proceed to eat too much anyway?
If so, I really think you need help.
Oprah told me once, "You have to eat to live but you really shouldn't live to eat." That's an idea, I guess. Then again, should I really take eating advice from a woman whose weight has fluctuated more than Pam Anderson's marriage status? And lately, whose weight has steadily increased faster than my credit card debt? Gas prices and Oprah's weight: which one is more like to go down? And if so, is this really in the foreseeable future or are we doomed to pretend to go green with hybrid vehicles and stare at O Magazine covers thinking, "She is definitely not THAT skinny," forever?
Ok, you know what? I love food I do. Maybe I should just get fat and see what happens. Maybe people would think I was funnier and I could, along with Mo'Nique, make an entire career out of insulting skinny girls.
If I were forced to get fat, I would eat a lot of french fries and onion rings. More than I do now. I would also eat Taco Bell. A lot of it.
So let's just get this out in the open. I love Taco Bell. Yes, I know the ground beef comes out of a plastic bag and could potentially be made of rat meat. Yes, I know that there's a chance I might get hepatitis or some kind of tape worm from contaminated tomatoes. Of course, I understand that eating there places me at the bottom of the fast food food chain. If I have to put my life in my own hands to eat at Taco Bell, so be it. If it makes you feel any better, I do have one rule about Taco Bell. The TB Golden Rule: Never ever ever eat a bean burrito after 11 PM. I repeat: no bean burritos after 11 PM. Trust me. And trust my bowels.
Fast food is good. I wish everyone would just be open about it. You love it, your neighbor loves it, and you know what? I bet Barack Obama likes it. If Barack and Oprah ate at Wendy's tomorrow, oh who am I kidding, it's not even worth dreaming about. But seriously, can you imagine?
Actually, let me tell you a little bit about fast food in general.
You love it. Yes, you love it. Let me explain to you why you love it.
Imagine a time when you are far far away, in another country that may as well be another planet and you're exhausted after a long day of getting lost on your way to packed tourist destinations where you paid $5.00 for a bottle of water and took 50 pictures that you think make you look fat but will inevitably be posted on facebook anyway because you want to prove to your friends and future lovers that you've traveled the world all the while you are praying that the next person you speak to sounds like they are from Kansas and then...you see a McDonald's in the distance. You run for those golden arches, those crisp and skinny french fries, those little hamburgers with diced onions as fast as your exhausted legs and tevo wearing feet can carry you. You glide into that McDonald's like you own the world beacuse you are sure that the BigMac is going to taste like home and even if you can't read the menu you know what it says. You order your American fast food and slurp down that icy soda, sink into your booth, hide your camera and any evidence of a receipt and chew ever so slowly.
See, I told you. You love fast food. It's ok, I do too. (Probably not very comforting...)
My lunch was pretty good today. Lots of protein. I wonder what I should eat for dinner...
Love,
Jenna
Monday, September 1, 2008
Sometimes...IT'S TV TIME!
I love television and just realized that I didn't want my TV blogs to get lost in the hubbub of my other blogging endeavors.
So please join me in my television blogging journey here at
www.watchtvwithme.blogspot.com
Tell your friends.
Love,
Jenna
So please join me in my television blogging journey here at
www.watchtvwithme.blogspot.com
Tell your friends.
Love,
Jenna
Sometimes...I personally think you should...
...write this post in honor of Nayr Nilbmah.
Yesterday I saw your yellow jeep in Manhattan but you weren't in it.
Rude.
Then on Friday night I thought it was raining in my room.*
Weird.
Now I'd really like to eat delicious Mexican food.
Help.
Love,
Jenna
*Long story. Ask if you want.
Yesterday I saw your yellow jeep in Manhattan but you weren't in it.
Rude.
Then on Friday night I thought it was raining in my room.*
Weird.
Now I'd really like to eat delicious Mexican food.
Help.
Love,
Jenna
*Long story. Ask if you want.
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