So Barack didn't win the Olympic bid for Chicago. Have you had Chicago Style pizza? It's worth it, world, I promise. But fine, whatever, they are having the 2016 Olympics in Rio...(I'd spell the rest of it out but that might require a dictionary...I'll pass...this whole half word trend is good for something. It's the perfect way to avoid spelling and still sound hip.) Rio, ol' Rio. I wonder how they won. Perhaps the Olympic committee figured out some kind of formula that could estimate the number of stabbings that could potentially occur in Chicago and Rio during the Olympics and Rio won by a few less murders. In any case, like any good friend would say comfortingly, Chicago, if they don't want you, you're obviously too good for them. Let's go get facials and read "O" Magazine.
Lauren Conrad, star of Laguna Beach: the Real O.C. and most currently, The Hills, "wrote" a book this year about a young girl who lives in L.A. and works in fashion, titled L.A. Candy. I know what you're thinking and I definitely thought the book was about cocaine and who knows, it could be. I haven't read it but I'm pretty sure it's just another version of Lauren Conrad's so called life. Nothing in that girl's life is real. Someday she is going to wake up and realize she has zero talent and no real friends and it's going to, uh, pardon my language, suck. Does she even have parents? Or is she some kind of robot that MTV created out of nothing? Yes, that all seems harsh and she probably has feelings so I shouldn't say any of this. I'm a jerk, I get it. Anyway, her book is going to be turned into a movie. I wonder who will star in it? Honestly, I'm hoping for Lindsay Lohan. That way the movie will be turned into an ABC Family Original and I can watch it with my friends for free while eating pizza rolls on my couch. That's right TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS! Hey, at least my life is real. Whatever, I'm normal.
How else can I talk about pizza in this post...
I met Slim Thug (see video below) on Friday at work (because I have a sweet job). It was my first and could be perhaps my only experience on the set of a rap music video (produced by The Daily Show). I also got a glimpse into the life of a video vixen. You know, those girlies who dance around in rap videos? Yeah, they exist. It's a profession, apparently. And those girls, wow, they know how to move in heels and spandex like I've never really seen anyone move before. It was intimidating. And gross.
Also, Slim Thug doesn't eat pizza. I know that to be a fact. He is prone to high cholesterol, though I probably shouldn't be spreading that around. It could be his only weakness and he doesn't want his nemesis (who I hope is named Fat Thug or Chubby Thug or some variation of that) to find out. I just had to figure out some way to tie pizza into this! Overall, he was a nice guy.
My coworker offered me $300 to be a "rap ho" (That's what they're called, I'm not being judgmental!) for Halloween. Tempting! Though it seems like those "dresses" they wear might be a little cold. Also, I'm not sure they make them in size "white girl butt."
You've been a great audience, thanks for reading. Be a real audience this Wednesday at Stand Up NY. Details in previous post below.
I like you but not as much as Letterman likes his female staffers. Zing! I'm actually pretty weirded (not a real word, by the way) out by the whole situation especially since I worked there for a short time. Making light of it kind of freaks me out/makes me sad. I take it back. Guh, I hate my guilt complex.
I've got to stop writing late at night.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. Brian of the Backstreet Boys came down with the Swine Flu. If the Backstreet Boys aren't immune, none of us are. Wash your swine, people. And your hands too. Oink!
