Sometimes you smoke enough pot...

...and you look like this guy:


After being suspended from swim meets the last three months for lighting up, "Fish Feet Phelps" is BACK in ACTION! He swam his first race this morning and of course he totally won...2nd place. 2nd place is still winning, right? No? Are you sure? Maybe 2nd is the new 1st? Did you say "hell" no? Wow, settle down.

Fine, I'll face the fact: Michael Phelps got 2nd place.

Don't believe me? Read it for yourself.

What a loser!

OK FINE, you're right, I'll face this fact too: I'd date him. (Who wouldn't? Look at that...uh...he's rich, right?)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes an invasion of my privacy comes...

...in the form of my ipod in your hands.

There is nothing more humiliating (alright, I could probably think of a few things) than having your ipod striped from your hands and placed in the hands of an evil non Backstreet Boy loving judgmental music Nazi or pretty much anyone else for that matter. It's like taking a baby from a mother, candy from a child, Sunchips from a 22 year old fake blond, high heels from Posh Spice, a meatball sub from J. Simpson, a spray tan from the Housewives of New Jersey. Looking through someone else's ipod playlists is like reading their diary, searching through their underwear drawer or walking in on them dancing in a pair of the underwear you already searched through while they're singing and dancing to the Pussycat Doll's version of the song Jai Ho only to record a clip of the personal and private performance on your camcorder cell phone so you can post it on facebook. And no, that didn't happen to me, though it does sound like something I might be a part of not to mention a great commercial for Hanes.

Here are a few things people might say when looking through an ipod that isn't their own (tisk tisk):

You have Paris Hilton and K-Fed's entire albums? I thought that was an elaborate joke.

Wait a minute, your top 5 songs alternate between Air Supply, Phil Collins and John Oates (minus Hall) . Lonely much?

-Cher? Really? Dude, that's so gay.
-Well, actually, I've been meaning to talk to you.

My family tried to host an intervention when they found out I'd been listening to an Uncle Kracker song. I swear, I'm not on meth.

I see that "She Bangs" is on your "purchased" playlist. You may as well have wiped your butt with the $1.00 you spent on that song.

It says here, you've listened to Clay Aiken's song, "Invisible," 327 times. Wow. Let's see, if that song is 4 minutes long, according to my calculations, not only have you spent more time listening to Clay Aiken than he's been out of the closet but you are...much weirder than I initially anticipated and when I say weird, I mean it in the creepiest sense of the word. "If I were invisible, then I would just watch you in your room..." Seriously? What is wrong with you!

Dashboard is lying to you: she doesn't love you and she'll never call you back.

Eddie Murphy tried to be a pop star in the 80's? Awkward.

You know that you can't really dance on the ceiling, right?

Why do you have playlist full of sappy love songs named after me?

I loved New Kids on the Block when I was 12 too. Oh wait, this is their new album. That's not lame at all. (Listen, I'm allowed to say that because I still listen to the Backstreet Boys at least once a day...)

My Heart Will Go On and on and on and on too.

You like jazz? What a loser!

Why are you embarrassed about listening to The Jonas Brothers. They are totally legit.

I, personally, have nothing to hide on my ipod. But I swear, if you even touch it, I will, I will...make you listen to every BSB song in my repertoire. I dated someone who listened to the Backstreet Boys once. Shame it didn't work out. I can't imagine why?

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes candy...

...is all I wish to think about. I need to make a trip to THE BEST CANDY STORE EVER soon, real soon.

Seriously, where else can a girl buy Bit-o-Honey for $1.99 a pound?

If you live in NYC or you are in town for a bit, it's worth the trip to the East Village. Trust me, this candy store MUST be great if I'm willing to travel to the lower east side. (While you're there, eat a fried hot dog at Crif Dog.)

Economy Candy
108 Rivington Street
New York, NY 10002
Phone: (800) 352-4544
Fax: (212) 254-2606
Open Sun-Fri 9-6, Sat 10-5

Time to put away my childish day dreaming and blog for realz.

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 5/11/09

New Joisey: The New Jersey Housewives kick off their first season of housewiving (i.e. tanning, shopping, tanning and defending their family name) on Bravo tomorrow night. Don't get too excited, there is only ONE knife fight in the first episode.

Confession: I am on steroids. I know, now that I've admitted it, it's totally obvious and you can't believe that we've been living in denial for this long.

Really?: Shirley Jones is considering posing for Playboy. Yes, Shirley Jones, the mom from The Partridge Family, who is now 75 years old, is considering posing for Playboy. I did not make that up. I repeat, that is NOT a fake rumor. I know that Hugh is getting a little (a lot) older but I had no idea his taste aged with him. Dry heave...now.

Plastic Surgery Alert: Bruce Jenner is getting another face lift because he wants to look more like Michael Jackson.

I'm JK. Don't mess with me or I'll have Keifer Sutherland headbutt you.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes SNL...

...completely hijacks my words.

I don't know if any of you watched SNL on Saturday but Mr. Andy Samberg totally swiped my phrase, "Mother Lover," and made it a little nastier than I ever intended. Beware. Use phrase cautiously.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Community...

...looks like a fantastic new TV show coming this fall to NBC.  

I might be very excited about this. 

Check it out:

Love,

Jenna