Sometimes Friday slips by...

...before I can tell it how much I love it.

Actually, Friday doesn't mean quite as much as to me anymore. At least not like it did when I could watch TGIF and get my fill of Boy Meets World, Step by Step, etc...because yes, I am that nerdy. Oh please, like you didn't love TGIF. Best TV ever.

Have a GREAT weekend! I might.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Peter Priesthood...

...writes a blog that gets a lot of Mormons all riled up. A new blog (http://whymormongirlsstaysingle.com) has caused an uproar in the Mormon community. How dare these guys, whoever they are, make fun of Mormon girls and singleness! Being single at 23 isn't a laughing matter. Oh wait a minute, yes it is! The single life is awkward and the Mormon single life is even more awkward because we (That's right, did you forget? I'm Mormon too!) are commanded to get married ASAP! So the longer we remain single, the longer we are reminded of our failure to multiply and replenish the earth. Oh snap. That IS funny.

Since its birth in January, the blog has had over 70,000 hits and been featured in two different news articles and now my blog. Oh snap again. This "why your single" blog wasn't the only blog featured in these articles. Apparently there are other Mormon kids, living in MY city, that's New York City, just in case you were wondering, who write these "popular" blogs that have been featured in the news. I'm offended that I wasn't included in these articles. Oh wait, my blog isn't popular. But explain this to me: how is it possible that a girl who writes posts about "husband" and cupcakes gets 2,000 hits today and I'm lucky to break even. And by break even, I mean, more people check my blog than I do during the day. Ugh. Tell your friends, sometimes I'm funny and sometimes I'm Mormon. Fine, I'm funny all the time. Do I really have to resort to exploiting my faith just to catch your eye? Or should I put on a shorter skirt? Apparently I'm getting desperate. I'm single and almost 23! Help!

So all those unengaged Mormon girls enraged about the blog examining all the funny reasons you're still single, relax. Laugh at yourself or your pathetic roommate who's a sucker for a booty call, pretends to like "girls night out" and overbears her testimony. It's FUNNY!!! And if it makes you feel any better, the guys who write it are probably gay.

I love the online world. Now let's go glitter my twitter. (What did I just type...)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes a love punch in the stomach...

...brings two people back together. Rihanna and Chris Brown are reconciling after he love tapped her face in a couple weeks ago. People keep asking, "Can you believe Rihanna is getting back together with Chris Brown?"

Duh, of course I can! I've seen this Lifetime movie a thousand times before. Fortunately for Rihanna, Tori Spelling is white. Although, Robert Downy Jr. did play a black man in Tropic Thunder. That's it! Tori Spelling and Robert Downey Jr. star in "Young, Famous and Angry: The Chris Brown and Rihanna Saga." Oh man, Cuba Gooding Jr. is going to be SO mad.

Speaking of love punch, Obama keeps punching us with his love. Even as the Dow continues to crash and burn after his falsely optimistic non-State of the Union addresse(s) (Did you know he's going to cure cancer?), President Obama has still managed to maintain a 60% approval rating. I'm not blaming him for the downhill spiral we're in but it is quite impressive how much people will love him in such turmoil even if he's only been in office for six weeks. If I could just take a second to address Obama curing cancer; I'm pretty sure that the sound of his voice actually melts cancer away. I had this weird mole and I soaked it in one of his speeches...I mean, nevermind (TMI?). Oh come on, Michael Jackson will announce a comeback tour before Obama cures cancer and our cancerous economy. Wait a minute...what's that? This morning Michael Jackson announced that he's performing a few more shows before he retires? Holy holy crap, Obama, you're amazing. Even with a failing economy, steadily increasing unemployment rate, Chris Brown and Rihanna's dysfunction, Michael Jackson's come back, and the plethora of bad Lifetime movies, the world's love of President Obama will see us through (along with some of those Lifetime movies and Sunchips in my case). Tomorrow Prez Obama could love punch us by announcing that puppies will cease to exist, birthday cake is against the law and Osama Bin Laden is his uncle and we'd still make out with his stimulus package. Whoa, I mean, we'd still like him. What?

I could go for some spiked love punch (after reading this, you might think I already had some). I could totally get love drunk and get you love drunk off my lovely lady lumps, I mean humps, krumps, lumps??? Oh Fergie, I don't understand your lyrics.

(I'm obsessed with punching. It has got to stop.)

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes I hear about things...

...like FRIED COKE and my mind goes "Kaboom!"

I don't understand how the country and the world could be such a mess right now when there are things like fried coke to make people happy! I mean, how many countries in the world would think, "Hey, let's fry coca cola. That seems like a good idea." None. There are no countries like that. "Kaboom," America is awesome???

America is in deep fried trouble.

(Meanwhile, in my mind: "Mmm, fried coke. You, yes, you over there. YOU probably shouldn't eat that. Now where can I find this 'fried coke.'")

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 3/2/09

This is a new weekly post, coming to you straight from my brain, weekly (Did I say that already?). Today's focus: Celebrities. Next week: Politicians. The week after: Monkeys?

These are fake rumors that you won't find in any celebrity gossip magazine and/or website. (Jealous?)

Hard to Believe It: Ashlee Simpson's old nose sold for $52 on e-bay yesterday. Yes, I bought it. So what?

OMG!: Jessica Simpson is still fat. She's been seen eating Cold Stone Creamery, Burger King and Tony Romo, excuse me, Romas.

Relationship Gossip: It turns out that Oprah finally left Stedman...for a sweet potato.

For the Musically Inclined: Every person who purchased Lil' Wayne's album last year was infected with herpes. Yikes. Every person who purchased Miley Cyrus's album last year was infected with stupid. Huh?

This Just In: Cher is dead. She's been dead for nearly a decade. Like the couple in Florida who cloned their puppy for $155,000, the gay community had Cher cloned for $200,000. That's still less than what she spent on plastic surgery when she was alive.

Most Wanted: Beyonce was stabbed with a stiletto by dance alter ego Sasha Fierce. Sasha fled the scene. If you see someone who looks like Beyonce, beware, she is not Beyonce. Sasha is as fierce as her last name Fierce (Both are pronounced the same). If I were you, Tyra, I would hide because she's coming for you next.

The Latest Religious Fad: Lindsay Lohan is converting to Judaism. (This is a true rumor.) But after she made it "official" on her facebook page, an audible sigh was heard from religions across the world. The Pope was actually quoted saying, "Take her. She's all yours." Seriously, check his twitter.

FYI: Matthew McConaughey = Crotch rot

Lunch was canceled today due to lack of hustle. Name that movie and I'll bake you a pie...and eat it too. Remember, I'm JK and you're all nerds!

Love,

Jenna Kim