Sometimes it's important to consider...

...how you might handle yourself in this situation...

If someone threatened to punch you in the HEAD would you:

1. laugh
2. put on a helmet
3. call Chris Brown for backup
4. call your mom
5. call Obama-man
6. start shakin' in your boots
7. curse him
8. curse at him
9. ask him to read aloud from the New Testament
10. punch him in the face first

I choose 1, 2, and 10.

And that, my friends, is how I waste your time. How 'bout American Idol this season huh? More to come...

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes wearing green...

...can be dangerous! If anybody even tries to pinch my blog, you are either totally color blind or really asking for it. Is there a rule that says if someone pinches you and you are actually wearing green that you get to punch that person in the face? I think I'm going to hide a pinch of green somewhere on my being and then if anybody so much as comes near me with pinching fingers, so help me, I will punch you in the face.

I have no idea what St. Patrick's Day is actually about except that it's for the Irish and it involves green and beer and sometimes green beer, thanks to green dye #4. Perhaps I should consult wikipedia, the source for ALL knowledge good or evil, small or big, important or just plain stupid and of course RIGHT but mostly wrong, for the origins of this special day. BRB. (cue elevator music)

Ok so I looked it up and Wikipedia says:

Saint Patrick's Day (Irish: Lá ’le Pádraig or Lá Fhéile Pádraig), colloquially St. Paddy's Day or Paddy's Day, is an annual feast day which celebrates Saint Patrick (circa AD 385–461), one of the patron saints of Ireland, and is generally celebrated on March 17.

So wait, St. Patrick's Day is a "real" holiday? I thought it was an excuse for my friends to get crunk before noon. (I have heard that wikipedia can be wrong sometimes BUT I did hear that from a very unreliable source. I'm pretty sure everything my NYU English Professor told me was a lie.  I guess I'll stick with wiki.)

Congratulations to Ireland. I hope those with actual Irish decent enjoy their special day. And also, I'd like to apologize for all of the frat boys out there puking green. I don't celebrate Canada's Independence day. Or India's Independence Day. Or England's Independence...wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. They don't have an independence day! Who have they ever been freed from? They're the reason the rest of us have Independence Days! July 4th in England is actually called, "We Didn't Want Them Anyway Day." Let's be clear: I have no idea what I'm talking about and I also realize that St. Patrick's Day is not Ireland's Day of Independence but began as a religious holiday centuries ago, just so you know. The point is, Happy St. Patrick's Day even though I'm not Irish and I do have a problem with most red heads. I do, however, love the color green even though I forgot to wear a bit-o-it to work today.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 3/16/09

Green is Out: St. Patrick's Day will be canceled this year. With the bad economy, the holiday suffered from a few major setbacks. Too many to celebrate! Believe it or not, someone stole all of the gold at the end of the rainbow. And no, the cold watch I am wearing was purchased well before the gold was reported missing so don't look at me. After losing his 401K, the Lucky Charms leprechaun had to get a second job and couldn't get out of his shift at The Dairy Queen so he won't be out partying. People fear that wearing the color of green will only remind people of the money lost. And because New York City is running low on money, they had to find ways to cut back on their budgets which means that the city won't be spending hundreds of thousands of dollars cleaning up the green vomit lining the streets the following morning. You know the world is in trouble, when a holiday based on drinking can't even make it feel better. Drinking always solves my problems. I mean, it would, if I drank. Which I don't. Not that I should have to remind you that I don't. Because, duh, like I would ever...maybe...no. Never! Except sometimes but like not really. (nervous laughter...) Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Jealous Tyra?: You should have seen the mug shots of the models who were arrested on Saturday afternoon when the America's Next Top Model Auditions turned into a riot on the streets of Manhattan. They were fierce!

Think About It: Crazy Octo-Mom-gelina might be bringing her babies home soon. Wait a minute, what home? (How much will her kids hate her in a few years?)

Bonus This: Instead of getting the millions of dollars in bonuses, AIG executives are receiving a different kind of bonus this year. They are allowed to choose from one of the following:

1. Punch in the face by Barack Obama
2. Swim with dolphins except the dolphins will be replaced with sharks.
3. Promoted to head of the DMV
4. Dinner with the head of TMZ or Perez Hilton (and you can't drink alcohol)
5. Human Pinata for underprivileged children

I'm JK and you are totally my favorite.

Love,
Jenna Kim