Uh oh, I'm at it again! Food dare anyone? I'm looking to earn a little cash.
Formerly-known-as-the-Ninja-Fund Dare: Drink a cup of Fresca my niece washed her ketchup hot dog hands in for $4.00
Formerly-known-as-the-Ninja-Fund Total as of 7/16/09: $4.00
Love,
Jenna
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sometimes New Yorkers...
...take to the streets. Ok, not sometimes, all the time. This city is all about pedestrians. Cars are too much of a pain. Paying for a parking spot costs half as much as it does to rent a place which is still more than what you pay anywhere but NYC, plus car insurance, etc. The transit system is pretty darn reliable. It can take you just about anywhere though I don't particularly love traveling underground. Whatever. That's not the point. The point is, pedestrians are King...or Queen...for you feminists out there. Blah.
New Yorkers know how to walk in NYC. Crossing the street quickly, efficiently and whenever we want is something we take pride in. Tourists completely give themselves away by obeying the crosswalk while the rest of us New Yorkers like to stick it to the little white man and walk when we're not supposed to. We're like deer. We wait until we see the car coming and bolt across the street.
I hate when I actually have to wait to cross the street and I turn and there's a jogger jogging in place next to me. Really? Really rubbin' it in, aren't you? Is it actually helping or are you just saying, "Oh, look at me, I'm healthy. I like to jog. Woooo." Settle down, I get it, you're skinny.
Of course, me and skinny pants are both waiting to cross the street six feet into the road already, forcing the cars to go around us. It's like Frogger in reverse. We go and the cars swerve. My favorite pedestrian move, and we all do this, is when a car is coming and we stick our hand up in the air like we're a friggin' Jedi or Superman or something. As if our hand has the power to put up an impenetrable force field that will stop the cab that is racing to get through the light and we've already decided their time is up and it's our turn to cross. It's a casual hand. Raised just high enough to catch the front bumper of the car before it hits us and high enough to infuriate every driver on the road.
Cars and taxis are one thing. They could hit you. But buses and bikes WILL hit you. Honestly, sometimes I think buses are actually looking for people to run over. And bikes, well, don't underestimate the power of the bike. And the power of a pedestrian who gets hit by a bike. Why? One day, I was sitting in a restaurant, eating, enjoying my meal, minding my own business when I look out the window and see a woman get hit by a bike. She and the cyclist both fell to the ground. The biker immediately got up, hopped back on his bike and tried to leave. The pedestrian jumped up, chased after the bike, caught up, pushed him over, sat on his bike and refused to move until the police and ambulance arrived. Of course, when the ambulance arrived, the woman totally milked it. Please, she wasn't hurt. But come on biker, hit and run? Someones an illegal alien.
As you all know, I'm from Utah. There are no pedestrians where I'm from except for one crazy homeless man that hangs out on various corners around the city. When I was a kid, I assumed everyone on the street was homeless. When I moved to NYC, I thought, man, there are a lot of homeless people here. Of course, I quickly realized that although most people might look a little dirty, rough around the edges and often times smell like BO, that's actually just the New York way of life. It toughens you up and leaves you with a city stank. I've actually been mistaken for a homeless person once. For realz. I already blogged about it so I'll spare you the details again but if you must know, click here. And as for the city stink, I recently visited Utah and when my niece walked in the door of my house, she said, "It smells like Jenna!" The stink is real...or my niece is a vampire.
Oh NYC, I've come to terms with the fact that I am yours and you are mine even though you smell like a homeless butt and I'm probably going leave this world like a squished bug on a windshield.
Love,
Jenna
New Yorkers know how to walk in NYC. Crossing the street quickly, efficiently and whenever we want is something we take pride in. Tourists completely give themselves away by obeying the crosswalk while the rest of us New Yorkers like to stick it to the little white man and walk when we're not supposed to. We're like deer. We wait until we see the car coming and bolt across the street.
I hate when I actually have to wait to cross the street and I turn and there's a jogger jogging in place next to me. Really? Really rubbin' it in, aren't you? Is it actually helping or are you just saying, "Oh, look at me, I'm healthy. I like to jog. Woooo." Settle down, I get it, you're skinny.
Of course, me and skinny pants are both waiting to cross the street six feet into the road already, forcing the cars to go around us. It's like Frogger in reverse. We go and the cars swerve. My favorite pedestrian move, and we all do this, is when a car is coming and we stick our hand up in the air like we're a friggin' Jedi or Superman or something. As if our hand has the power to put up an impenetrable force field that will stop the cab that is racing to get through the light and we've already decided their time is up and it's our turn to cross. It's a casual hand. Raised just high enough to catch the front bumper of the car before it hits us and high enough to infuriate every driver on the road.
Cars and taxis are one thing. They could hit you. But buses and bikes WILL hit you. Honestly, sometimes I think buses are actually looking for people to run over. And bikes, well, don't underestimate the power of the bike. And the power of a pedestrian who gets hit by a bike. Why? One day, I was sitting in a restaurant, eating, enjoying my meal, minding my own business when I look out the window and see a woman get hit by a bike. She and the cyclist both fell to the ground. The biker immediately got up, hopped back on his bike and tried to leave. The pedestrian jumped up, chased after the bike, caught up, pushed him over, sat on his bike and refused to move until the police and ambulance arrived. Of course, when the ambulance arrived, the woman totally milked it. Please, she wasn't hurt. But come on biker, hit and run? Someones an illegal alien.
As you all know, I'm from Utah. There are no pedestrians where I'm from except for one crazy homeless man that hangs out on various corners around the city. When I was a kid, I assumed everyone on the street was homeless. When I moved to NYC, I thought, man, there are a lot of homeless people here. Of course, I quickly realized that although most people might look a little dirty, rough around the edges and often times smell like BO, that's actually just the New York way of life. It toughens you up and leaves you with a city stank. I've actually been mistaken for a homeless person once. For realz. I already blogged about it so I'll spare you the details again but if you must know, click here. And as for the city stink, I recently visited Utah and when my niece walked in the door of my house, she said, "It smells like Jenna!" The stink is real...or my niece is a vampire.
Oh NYC, I've come to terms with the fact that I am yours and you are mine even though you smell like a homeless butt and I'm probably going leave this world like a squished bug on a windshield.
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 7/15/09
This week's pop group? O-TOWN!?!?!
O-Town was created by P. Diddy in the first season of MTV's hit show, Making The Band. They lasted a measly three years but spawned a lot of other awful pop music reality programs. Their first single, "Liquid Dreams" was absolutely charming. Oh wait, I didn't mean charming, I meant nasty trash. Yes, Liquid Dreams was nasty trash. But believe it or not, it wasn't as bad as their other single, "Every 6 Seconds". They wanted "All or Nothing." Obviously they were getting nothing. Diddy must have had them on a tight leash.
My favorite music video was "We Fit Together" because they were on a boat. For some reason, this song and the boat caught my attention. It's kind of ghetto and again, they sing about embarrassing things similar to the things they sing about in Liquid Dreams but like I said, they were on a boat. Enough said.
Their power ballad, "All or Nothing" uses classic boy band manipulation. You know, the ol' key change, emotionally draining harmonies, and an angst ridden love story. I won't lie. I kind of love it. So click here and enjoy. Dream of love lost and lost found. Think of that special someone. Remember the first time you saw this special someone and wanted to shout from the rooftops, "I'm in LOVE!" While you do that, I'm going to go barf.
Love,
Jenna
O-Town was created by P. Diddy in the first season of MTV's hit show, Making The Band. They lasted a measly three years but spawned a lot of other awful pop music reality programs. Their first single, "Liquid Dreams" was absolutely charming. Oh wait, I didn't mean charming, I meant nasty trash. Yes, Liquid Dreams was nasty trash. But believe it or not, it wasn't as bad as their other single, "Every 6 Seconds". They wanted "All or Nothing." Obviously they were getting nothing. Diddy must have had them on a tight leash.
My favorite music video was "We Fit Together" because they were on a boat. For some reason, this song and the boat caught my attention. It's kind of ghetto and again, they sing about embarrassing things similar to the things they sing about in Liquid Dreams but like I said, they were on a boat. Enough said.
Their power ballad, "All or Nothing" uses classic boy band manipulation. You know, the ol' key change, emotionally draining harmonies, and an angst ridden love story. I won't lie. I kind of love it. So click here and enjoy. Dream of love lost and lost found. Think of that special someone. Remember the first time you saw this special someone and wanted to shout from the rooftops, "I'm in LOVE!" While you do that, I'm going to go barf.
Love,
Jenna
Monday, July 13, 2009
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 7/13/09
Rumor Mill: My family thinks I'm a lesbian because I hang out with lesbians. It's not that I'm a lesbian, I just don't like hanging out with people who are prettier than me, I'm just sayin'! Oh, come on! Besides Ellen's wife, do you know any REAL lesbians who are pretty? Mischa Barton and Lindsay Lohan don't count. I said real. And no, Zac Efron is NOT a lesbian.
DUH!: Madonna is on steroids. So that explains the man arms. I blame A-Rod and the media and the King of Pop. As he became more and more feminine, Madonna felt the need to become more and more masculine. It only makes sense. The Queen of Pop was worried that her reign was being threatened. Do you think the Queen of England is bothered when people call themselves Queen of _____?
JON & The New KATE: Jon, the less charismatic half of the wildly popular only because they couldn't keep it in their pants Jon and Kate parents of 8, is now dating Kate's Plastic Surgeon's daughter. She's 22. And she wants kids. And a reality TV show. Oh Jon, you'll never learn.
MJ4EVR: It's almost been a week since the memorial but donations are still being accepted from fans of Michael Jackson in order to help pay for the memorial expenses. Please send any donations to me as I have graciously offered to collect them.
Jenna Kim Jones
New York City
10019
Don't worry, the Post Master knows where to find me.
Remember, it's Bastille Day so don't forget to eat a crepe! Mais oui!
Love,
Jenna
DUH!: Madonna is on steroids. So that explains the man arms. I blame A-Rod and the media and the King of Pop. As he became more and more feminine, Madonna felt the need to become more and more masculine. It only makes sense. The Queen of Pop was worried that her reign was being threatened. Do you think the Queen of England is bothered when people call themselves Queen of _____?
JON & The New KATE: Jon, the less charismatic half of the wildly popular only because they couldn't keep it in their pants Jon and Kate parents of 8, is now dating Kate's Plastic Surgeon's daughter. She's 22. And she wants kids. And a reality TV show. Oh Jon, you'll never learn.
MJ4EVR: It's almost been a week since the memorial but donations are still being accepted from fans of Michael Jackson in order to help pay for the memorial expenses. Please send any donations to me as I have graciously offered to collect them.
Jenna Kim Jones
New York City
10019
Don't worry, the Post Master knows where to find me.
Remember, it's Bastille Day so don't forget to eat a crepe! Mais oui!
Love,
Jenna
Sometimes the party is over...
...and I'm back to work! Yikes! I'm back in NYC, folks. Can you feel it?
I had quite a week in Utah which culminated with four awesome shows at Wise Guys Comedy Club in Salt Lake City. First, I want to say thanks to everyone who came out and saw the show. Second, I want to say thanks to the fantastic comedians at Wise Guys. Keith Stubbs is hilarious! And be sure to check out Spencer King who is headlining at Trolley Square next weekend. He is friggin' funny. That's right, friggin.
Vacation is over and now like I said, I'm back in good ol' NYC. I flew in on the red eye this morning which only reminds me how much I hate flying, let alone flying all night long. So of course, I have a few complaints. Here we go....go.......go.............
How desperate do airlines have to get? It's really pathetic. It's like a girlfriend who gets dumped and then begs for her boyfriend to come back only making her appear more clingy and irritating than ever before. Airlines who are obviously in financial trouble, should be begging for our service and yet they keep making it harder and harder for us to take them back. First, they take away our second bag, then some airlines charge to check a first bag. Then they take away food and leave us with off-brand snacks and one cup, not even the can, of soda. Let me tell you, I'm fine with losing those things. I can handle it. One bag forces me to pack more carefully and airplane food was about as delicious as the plastic food set I gave to my niece for Christmas last year. But did you know, that Jet Blue now charges $7 for a blanket? Airplanes are cold! I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans and shivered. Shivered me timbers all night long because I was not about to pay $7 for a blanket with so much static, I wouldn't be able to touch a light switch for a week without getting shocked. It's like 4 degrees at 30,000 feet and it felt like someone had cracked a window. I could have taken glamor shots, there was so much wind on that plane. At the end of the flight, the attendants handed out a "hot" towel which was actually a baby wipe that was put in the microwave for no more than ten seconds.
Of course, this is all some lame ploy to get us to buy their blankets but I was not going to fall for it. It was the first time I was grateful to be sitting by a fat person. I just snuggled up to one of his rolls. Or was he snuggling up to mine? Whatever. $7 for a blanket? I could buy a house in Mexico for $7. I could sew 400 blankets in China with $7 and I'm sure they would be nicer than the $7 rip off that flight attendant tried to sell to me. Unfortunately, I'd have to fly to China in order to make those blankets and I might die of pneumonia before I get there but if I did make it, I'd be a friggin' hero. I'm surprised the flight attendant didn't ask me to donate money to MJ's memorial while she was at it. Hey Obama, could we include a little extra stimulus money for airplane blankets? You know what's even more annoying? People who fly first class. They probably have down comforters up there with their bubbly and fine cheeses. Whatever. I'll stick with my cheese crackers shaped like whales and a cup of diet coke.
Blanket revolution! Who's with me?!?!
I'm so over this post, like I'm over MJ's death. Snap! How 'bout that Sarah Palin, huh, quittin' and stuff? And I see Obama's a butt man. What else happened while I wasn't paying attention to the world? I'm about to find out.
Peace out, blogtards. This feels right, don't you think? Yeah, you know you're happy I'm back.
Love,
Jenna
I had quite a week in Utah which culminated with four awesome shows at Wise Guys Comedy Club in Salt Lake City. First, I want to say thanks to everyone who came out and saw the show. Second, I want to say thanks to the fantastic comedians at Wise Guys. Keith Stubbs is hilarious! And be sure to check out Spencer King who is headlining at Trolley Square next weekend. He is friggin' funny. That's right, friggin.
Vacation is over and now like I said, I'm back in good ol' NYC. I flew in on the red eye this morning which only reminds me how much I hate flying, let alone flying all night long. So of course, I have a few complaints. Here we go....go.......go.............
How desperate do airlines have to get? It's really pathetic. It's like a girlfriend who gets dumped and then begs for her boyfriend to come back only making her appear more clingy and irritating than ever before. Airlines who are obviously in financial trouble, should be begging for our service and yet they keep making it harder and harder for us to take them back. First, they take away our second bag, then some airlines charge to check a first bag. Then they take away food and leave us with off-brand snacks and one cup, not even the can, of soda. Let me tell you, I'm fine with losing those things. I can handle it. One bag forces me to pack more carefully and airplane food was about as delicious as the plastic food set I gave to my niece for Christmas last year. But did you know, that Jet Blue now charges $7 for a blanket? Airplanes are cold! I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans and shivered. Shivered me timbers all night long because I was not about to pay $7 for a blanket with so much static, I wouldn't be able to touch a light switch for a week without getting shocked. It's like 4 degrees at 30,000 feet and it felt like someone had cracked a window. I could have taken glamor shots, there was so much wind on that plane. At the end of the flight, the attendants handed out a "hot" towel which was actually a baby wipe that was put in the microwave for no more than ten seconds.
Of course, this is all some lame ploy to get us to buy their blankets but I was not going to fall for it. It was the first time I was grateful to be sitting by a fat person. I just snuggled up to one of his rolls. Or was he snuggling up to mine? Whatever. $7 for a blanket? I could buy a house in Mexico for $7. I could sew 400 blankets in China with $7 and I'm sure they would be nicer than the $7 rip off that flight attendant tried to sell to me. Unfortunately, I'd have to fly to China in order to make those blankets and I might die of pneumonia before I get there but if I did make it, I'd be a friggin' hero. I'm surprised the flight attendant didn't ask me to donate money to MJ's memorial while she was at it. Hey Obama, could we include a little extra stimulus money for airplane blankets? You know what's even more annoying? People who fly first class. They probably have down comforters up there with their bubbly and fine cheeses. Whatever. I'll stick with my cheese crackers shaped like whales and a cup of diet coke.
Blanket revolution! Who's with me?!?!
I'm so over this post, like I'm over MJ's death. Snap! How 'bout that Sarah Palin, huh, quittin' and stuff? And I see Obama's a butt man. What else happened while I wasn't paying attention to the world? I'm about to find out.
Peace out, blogtards. This feels right, don't you think? Yeah, you know you're happy I'm back.
Love,
Jenna
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
