...if eaten too quickly, can leave one with a very sore jaw. I wouldn't know. That's just what I heard and I thought I would share with you.
So next time you want to eat a package of skittles in less than five minutes, remember you could potentially sprain your jaw (and burp the rainbow).
Don't say I didn't warn you.
More life lessons coming soon.
Love,
Jenna
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Sometimes people don't realize...
...how important I am.
For your information, dear readers, I have not one, but TWO, official, self proclaimed i-fans. (Please refer to past post in order to understand and familiarize yourself with that term.) There are people, who I don't have to pay, kiss, date, abuse, or be born from, who read my blog. They CHOOSE it and they like it.
The new i-celeb status is absolutely going to my head. Like, today, I was like walking down the street and it totally started raining and I'm like, dur, how dare you, uh, rain? (When you are a celebrity, all sentences end as a question, regardless of what you are saying, duh?)
So anyway, now that I am only a few letter's away from partying like a D-lister with Kathy, I am super excited to share a few non-optional things I expect from any and all who I may interact with.
1. Hanging out with me will always feel like a party and you would never go to a party empty handed, would you? I didn't think so. Most gifts will be accepted unless of course I don't like it in which case I will take it anyway and sell it at my family's annual yard sale extravaganza, because I'm down to earth like that.
2. Never wear sandals in my presence. I don't want to stare at your toes. No one does.
3. Heavy breathing or milk breathe will not be tolerated along with anyone who watches The View and enjoys it. Oh and the hosts of Good Things Utah, put them on The List of Intolerable Nouns as well.
4. Refrain from mentioning my overactive sweat glands or else I will lock you in a room with a mariachi band or Dakota Fanning. Which is worse, I haven't decided.
5. Don't take offense if I choose dinner with Miley Cyrus over you. It's not personal. She's a millionaire, I'm scared/jealous of her empire, and her face is on everything at WalMart, what do you expect?
6. Try not to look me in the eyes, wear the color white on Tuesdays or eat anything in front of me without asking if I want some first. Never wear t-shirts with horses on them. That's more of a general life rule. That goes for unicorn t-shirts as well.
I was so meant for fame. Oh and I'm also taking applications for a personal intern. I can't offer payment at first although I always have a large candy stash. You can have all the red starbursts you want. I like those the least.
The time has finally come when I can lose my sense of humor and start acting like the sale at Bloomingdale's is actually a legit sale. Before long, I'll have my own perfume line at Walgreens called "Love Cloud." After that, I'll start my own religion based on Ninjas. Then I will adopt babies illegally and name them after objects in my purse. Lastly, I'll run for president. Experience seems overrated these days anyway so why not try?
Love,
Jenna
For your information, dear readers, I have not one, but TWO, official, self proclaimed i-fans. (Please refer to past post in order to understand and familiarize yourself with that term.) There are people, who I don't have to pay, kiss, date, abuse, or be born from, who read my blog. They CHOOSE it and they like it.
The new i-celeb status is absolutely going to my head. Like, today, I was like walking down the street and it totally started raining and I'm like, dur, how dare you, uh, rain? (When you are a celebrity, all sentences end as a question, regardless of what you are saying, duh?)
So anyway, now that I am only a few letter's away from partying like a D-lister with Kathy, I am super excited to share a few non-optional things I expect from any and all who I may interact with.
1. Hanging out with me will always feel like a party and you would never go to a party empty handed, would you? I didn't think so. Most gifts will be accepted unless of course I don't like it in which case I will take it anyway and sell it at my family's annual yard sale extravaganza, because I'm down to earth like that.
2. Never wear sandals in my presence. I don't want to stare at your toes. No one does.
3. Heavy breathing or milk breathe will not be tolerated along with anyone who watches The View and enjoys it. Oh and the hosts of Good Things Utah, put them on The List of Intolerable Nouns as well.
4. Refrain from mentioning my overactive sweat glands or else I will lock you in a room with a mariachi band or Dakota Fanning. Which is worse, I haven't decided.
5. Don't take offense if I choose dinner with Miley Cyrus over you. It's not personal. She's a millionaire, I'm scared/jealous of her empire, and her face is on everything at WalMart, what do you expect?
6. Try not to look me in the eyes, wear the color white on Tuesdays or eat anything in front of me without asking if I want some first. Never wear t-shirts with horses on them. That's more of a general life rule. That goes for unicorn t-shirts as well.
I was so meant for fame. Oh and I'm also taking applications for a personal intern. I can't offer payment at first although I always have a large candy stash. You can have all the red starbursts you want. I like those the least.
The time has finally come when I can lose my sense of humor and start acting like the sale at Bloomingdale's is actually a legit sale. Before long, I'll have my own perfume line at Walgreens called "Love Cloud." After that, I'll start my own religion based on Ninjas. Then I will adopt babies illegally and name them after objects in my purse. Lastly, I'll run for president. Experience seems overrated these days anyway so why not try?
Love,
Jenna
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Sometimes I don't do anything...
...and I get paid for it!
Psych.
I'm just dreaming, again.
Love,
Jenna
Psych.
I'm just dreaming, again.
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Sometimes I go running...
...in Riverside Park and strange things happen.
1. A duck came out of no where and hissed at me. So I hissed back.
2. I'm fairly sure I counted at least six different men wearing speedos.
3. All of a sudden, I broke out into song and it was so weird, everyone around me started singing and dancing to the same song. It was a total out of body experience. Like really, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
4. I had to say hi to Lucky Burger's employee, twice, once on my way out and once on my way back. I'm pretty sure he thinks that I like him. I should have never let him give me free fries but how could I resist?
5. Someone stopped me and told me I could be a part time model.
6. I almost slapped a horse, again.
6. Then some guys in suits stopped me and asked me to run for Vice President of the United States except when I told them I couldn't shoot a gun and didn't really wear much lipstick, they took back their offer and were gone before I could tell them my position on teaching creationism and evolution in schools.
So yes, it was an odd run on one of the more beautiful days NYC has ever seen. Apparently, this is just what I hear, people in Southern California experience days like this, um, everyday.
I'm eating at Taco Bell tonight, folks. It's gonna be awesome.
Love,
Jenna
1. A duck came out of no where and hissed at me. So I hissed back.
2. I'm fairly sure I counted at least six different men wearing speedos.
3. All of a sudden, I broke out into song and it was so weird, everyone around me started singing and dancing to the same song. It was a total out of body experience. Like really, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
4. I had to say hi to Lucky Burger's employee, twice, once on my way out and once on my way back. I'm pretty sure he thinks that I like him. I should have never let him give me free fries but how could I resist?
5. Someone stopped me and told me I could be a part time model.
6. I almost slapped a horse, again.
6. Then some guys in suits stopped me and asked me to run for Vice President of the United States except when I told them I couldn't shoot a gun and didn't really wear much lipstick, they took back their offer and were gone before I could tell them my position on teaching creationism and evolution in schools.
So yes, it was an odd run on one of the more beautiful days NYC has ever seen. Apparently, this is just what I hear, people in Southern California experience days like this, um, everyday.
I'm eating at Taco Bell tonight, folks. It's gonna be awesome.
Love,
Jenna
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Sometimes Tuesday happens...
...before you know it.
Here I am sitting in my apartment on a very dreary day in Manhattan.
I can hear the sound of a horse trotting down 9th Ave (there are horses in my hood), construction workers swearing on 52nd, and the ringing of a siren in the distance and I still have nothing inspiring to write about.
It's raining today.
Raining like a mother.
That phrase doesn't even make sense.
But you totally know what I mean, don't you.
The rain in NYC is like no other. It never really falls but drizzles erratically in all directions. That or it feels like someone is constantly squirting a spray bottle in your face. It does wonders for my hair.
Oh and using an umbrella is useless. The wind will destroy it or the rain will fall horizontally anyway. And umbrellas don't stop cab drivers from driving through large puddles near the curb. That is the only realistic part of Sex and the City, when, in the opening credits, Carrie is splashed by a city bus.
Chew on that while I brainstorm for a better post and a better tomorrow.
Love,
Jenna
Here I am sitting in my apartment on a very dreary day in Manhattan.
I can hear the sound of a horse trotting down 9th Ave (there are horses in my hood), construction workers swearing on 52nd, and the ringing of a siren in the distance and I still have nothing inspiring to write about.
It's raining today.
Raining like a mother.
That phrase doesn't even make sense.
But you totally know what I mean, don't you.
The rain in NYC is like no other. It never really falls but drizzles erratically in all directions. That or it feels like someone is constantly squirting a spray bottle in your face. It does wonders for my hair.
Oh and using an umbrella is useless. The wind will destroy it or the rain will fall horizontally anyway. And umbrellas don't stop cab drivers from driving through large puddles near the curb. That is the only realistic part of Sex and the City, when, in the opening credits, Carrie is splashed by a city bus.
Chew on that while I brainstorm for a better post and a better tomorrow.
Love,
Jenna
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