Last week I was on Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend. Here, ladies and gentlemen, are a few of the highlights from the special Cinco De Mayo episode:
Enjoy!
Love,
Jenna
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
This is what happens...
...when you don't wear a seat belt in a cab.
Last Friday night, I was in a cab accident. My cab smashed into a van when the van turned in front of us in an intersection in Union Square.
I wasn't wearing my seat belt and smacked my face against the plastic that divides the driver from the passenger.
Whoops!
Don't worry, thanks to modern marvels like makeup and ice packs and Sunchips (wait, what?) and Charles in Charge, I'm looking and feeling much better.
Love,
Jenna
Last Friday night, I was in a cab accident. My cab smashed into a van when the van turned in front of us in an intersection in Union Square.
I wasn't wearing my seat belt and smacked my face against the plastic that divides the driver from the passenger.
Whoops!
Don't worry, thanks to modern marvels like makeup and ice packs and Sunchips (wait, what?) and Charles in Charge, I'm looking and feeling much better.
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Mid-Week-Pop-Music-Pick-Me-Up 5/5/10
Good morning, friends! This week's pick-me-up isn't so much about the music but more about... laughing at awkward performances.
Ke$ha, the one and only white girl (or any girl, really) with a dollar sign in her name, recently performed on SNL. Her song, "Tik Tok," is terrible. That doesn't mean I don't know all the words to the song because I do. But I think we can all agree it is a terrible song. So when she performed on SNL, I didn't expect much. In the end of it, I got so much more than a bargained for.
If Ke$ha was European, I might let this performance slide. But she isn't. She's from LA. At least she's patriotic? Maybe Miley Cyrus could borrow her cape for her next performance of Party in the U.S.A. I bet the astronaut dancers were thrilled they had to wear helmets that hid their faces. I'm not sure I could look people in the eyes and do the robot seriously. And what about that laser harp thingy? I wonder if that's how all music will be played in the future.
Seriously guys, "Does anyone ever stop and think maybe we are the aliens?" No, Ke$ha. Did you ever stop to think you might regret this performance? Are you brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack again? Your breath must reek. That's worse than milk breath.
Enjoy. You'll be doing the lazy arm robot dance for the rest of the day.
Waking up each and every morning feeling just like P. Diddy (and sometimes Puff Daddy),
JKJ
Ke$ha, the one and only white girl (or any girl, really) with a dollar sign in her name, recently performed on SNL. Her song, "Tik Tok," is terrible. That doesn't mean I don't know all the words to the song because I do. But I think we can all agree it is a terrible song. So when she performed on SNL, I didn't expect much. In the end of it, I got so much more than a bargained for.
If Ke$ha was European, I might let this performance slide. But she isn't. She's from LA. At least she's patriotic? Maybe Miley Cyrus could borrow her cape for her next performance of Party in the U.S.A. I bet the astronaut dancers were thrilled they had to wear helmets that hid their faces. I'm not sure I could look people in the eyes and do the robot seriously. And what about that laser harp thingy? I wonder if that's how all music will be played in the future.
Seriously guys, "Does anyone ever stop and think maybe we are the aliens?" No, Ke$ha. Did you ever stop to think you might regret this performance? Are you brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack again? Your breath must reek. That's worse than milk breath.
Enjoy. You'll be doing the lazy arm robot dance for the rest of the day.
Waking up each and every morning feeling just like P. Diddy (and sometimes Puff Daddy),
JKJ
Monday, May 3, 2010
JKJ's Fake Rumors 5/3/10
He Speaks: Did you see Conan on 60 Minutes last night? I'm sure CBS brought in their youngest audience...EVER. And I'm sure the older folks watching wished the interview had been with Leno but hey, you can't please everybody. Fans are still with Coco but according to a survey I took with myself and a couple of stuffed animals in my apartment, 100% agree they aren't with his beard. Shave, man!
Heard on the Street: Steve Carrell has said that he will "probably" leave The Office which means fans will "probably" stop watching The Office.
Money Well Spent: Paris Hilton went shopping over the weekend and reportedly spent $23,000 at one store. What the gossip website who reported this failed to mention was that the $23,000 was actually spent at Old Navy. She now owns about 45,000 new t-shirts, board shorts and flip flops in assorted colors that don't fit well.
Bad News: Just when I had all the straight male models in the world to myself, Halle Berry had to go and get all single on me. Not sure who dumped who but Halle Berry is back on the market. Ladies, man your men.
Love,
JKJ
Heard on the Street: Steve Carrell has said that he will "probably" leave The Office which means fans will "probably" stop watching The Office.
Money Well Spent: Paris Hilton went shopping over the weekend and reportedly spent $23,000 at one store. What the gossip website who reported this failed to mention was that the $23,000 was actually spent at Old Navy. She now owns about 45,000 new t-shirts, board shorts and flip flops in assorted colors that don't fit well.
Bad News: Just when I had all the straight male models in the world to myself, Halle Berry had to go and get all single on me. Not sure who dumped who but Halle Berry is back on the market. Ladies, man your men.
Love,
JKJ
They're coming...
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors are on their way...
BUT a little FYI...
If you're in the city, come see me tell jokes tonight. The show is free, no drink minimum and it is in a "hip" neighborhood (so I'm told).
8 PM at Pianos! The show is called "It Is It" and IT is produced by my co-worker Adam Lowitt. He's very funny and his show is a lot of fun too. Click here for more info about Pianos.
Now back to work/rumors!
Love,
Jenna
BUT a little FYI...
If you're in the city, come see me tell jokes tonight. The show is free, no drink minimum and it is in a "hip" neighborhood (so I'm told).
8 PM at Pianos! The show is called "It Is It" and IT is produced by my co-worker Adam Lowitt. He's very funny and his show is a lot of fun too. Click here for more info about Pianos.
Now back to work/rumors!
Love,
Jenna
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sometimes I like my music On the Rocks
For the last 24 hours, I have been obsessed with this video:
These dudes go to the University of Oregon and call themselves "On the Rocks." They are a capella at it's finest/whitest/nerdiest/happiest.
Apparently, On the Rocks was in New York City. First of all, I'm sorry I missed that. I'm confident I would have scored a few dates. And yes, I know that sounds desperate. But that's not the point. Didn't anyone tell them that nerdy a capella music and cynical New Yorkers are like oil and water? Not cool, dudes. You just irritated about 25 people out of their minds. They complained about you for the next week and a half.
I have a long history with a capella. My sister performed in a group when she was in college. I thought they were superstars. And then, around the same time, I saw Rockapella perform in Orem, Utah. I was smitten. In fact, I'm pretty sure, I went up to them after the show and made them sign my CD. Ok, I'm not pretty sure, I'm sure.
Where in the world is...Rockapella? I'm going to guess they're still touring around places like Orem, Utah signing albums for impressionable young girls.
I have no place making fun of singing groups. In high school, I sang in a group called X-treme. I was in a show at Lagoon Amusement Park in Farmington, Utah called "Rock U2 the Top." I sang in the jazz band. Yikes. At least I didn't major in musical theater, right? JUST KIDDING, actor friends. That was a totally practical and worthwhile degree. Ok really, I'm kidding, singing/dancing/acting is awesome. Now can I get a discount at that restaurant you're working at if I come in during your shift? (S-N-A-P!)
Love,
JKJ
These dudes go to the University of Oregon and call themselves "On the Rocks." They are a capella at it's finest/whitest/nerdiest/happiest.
Apparently, On the Rocks was in New York City. First of all, I'm sorry I missed that. I'm confident I would have scored a few dates. And yes, I know that sounds desperate. But that's not the point. Didn't anyone tell them that nerdy a capella music and cynical New Yorkers are like oil and water? Not cool, dudes. You just irritated about 25 people out of their minds. They complained about you for the next week and a half.
I have a long history with a capella. My sister performed in a group when she was in college. I thought they were superstars. And then, around the same time, I saw Rockapella perform in Orem, Utah. I was smitten. In fact, I'm pretty sure, I went up to them after the show and made them sign my CD. Ok, I'm not pretty sure, I'm sure.
Where in the world is...Rockapella? I'm going to guess they're still touring around places like Orem, Utah signing albums for impressionable young girls.
I have no place making fun of singing groups. In high school, I sang in a group called X-treme. I was in a show at Lagoon Amusement Park in Farmington, Utah called "Rock U2 the Top." I sang in the jazz band. Yikes. At least I didn't major in musical theater, right? JUST KIDDING, actor friends. That was a totally practical and worthwhile degree. Ok really, I'm kidding, singing/dancing/acting is awesome. Now can I get a discount at that restaurant you're working at if I come in during your shift? (S-N-A-P!)
Love,
JKJ
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Mid-Week-Pop-Music-Pick-Me-Up 4/28/10
Unfortunately for you, the pop-music-pick-me-up this week is more of a pop-music-keep-you-down. Ok fine, it's more of a pop-music-KILL-ME-NOW.
Are you ready for this? (Every time I say that I think of Jock Jams and I feel like a cheerleader all over again.)
...released her single titled, "Money Can't Buy You Class."
Oh, the HORROR!
Both songs are terrible though I'd argue that Countess LuAnn's is the worst. I'd also like to challenge Justin Bieber to sing as low as she does. He definitely couldn't do it.
These women make Miley Cyrus's voice sound like Celine Dion or Whitney Houston (before Bobby and crack).
Do you think if I stay in New York long enough, I can be a housewife too? Maybe then I'll finally be able to release a tacky pop song. I'll make sure I take myself REALLY seriously when I do.
Enjoy!
Love,
JKJ
Are you ready for this? (Every time I say that I think of Jock Jams and I feel like a cheerleader all over again.)
Countess LuAnn...
...released her single titled, "Money Can't Buy You Class."Oh, the HORROR!
For those of you who don't know this woman and think I'm being unnecessarily dramatic, I am and let me fill you in. Countless, excuse me, Countess LuAnn co-stars in Bravo's reality television show, The Real Housewives of New York City. She is a Countess through marriage and although recently divorced is allowed to keep her title.
For the record, all of the women on these shows are insane, including LeAnn.
That being said: Hey lady, who married into money, does your pop-techno song have to be called "Money Can't Buy You Class?" At least you're being honest.
The song is about etiquette and manners and it is retarded. But please, don't take my word for it. Listen and decide how much you hate it. Maybe you'll love it. If so, let's not be friends. You can listen to her song here or here. And I imagine by now there are some funny remixes on youtube as well but I'll let you fine those on your own.
Unfortunately, she isn't the first housewife from the "Real Housewives" empire that Bravo has so carefully (I'd argue carelessly) constructed.
For those of you who watch, remember Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta? She actually wanted to be a singer who unfortunately couldn't sing a note yet still managed to release "Don't Be Tardy for the Party." (Yes, that is really the title of the song. And yes, someday when I'm the Lady Weird Al of pop music, I will release that song as "Don't Be Farty for the Party." I can't wait.)
For the record, all of the women on these shows are insane, including LeAnn.
That being said: Hey lady, who married into money, does your pop-techno song have to be called "Money Can't Buy You Class?" At least you're being honest.
The song is about etiquette and manners and it is retarded. But please, don't take my word for it. Listen and decide how much you hate it. Maybe you'll love it. If so, let's not be friends. You can listen to her song here or here. And I imagine by now there are some funny remixes on youtube as well but I'll let you fine those on your own.
Unfortunately, she isn't the first housewife from the "Real Housewives" empire that Bravo has so carefully (I'd argue carelessly) constructed.
For those of you who watch, remember Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta? She actually wanted to be a singer who unfortunately couldn't sing a note yet still managed to release "Don't Be Tardy for the Party." (Yes, that is really the title of the song. And yes, someday when I'm the Lady Weird Al of pop music, I will release that song as "Don't Be Farty for the Party." I can't wait.)
These women make Miley Cyrus's voice sound like Celine Dion or Whitney Houston (before Bobby and crack).
Do you think if I stay in New York long enough, I can be a housewife too? Maybe then I'll finally be able to release a tacky pop song. I'll make sure I take myself REALLY seriously when I do.
Enjoy!
Love,
JKJ
Warning: after reading this post, it is highly recommended you listen to real music. Immediately. Or else the part of your brain that hears and understands music will commit suicide.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Ninja Fund Strikes Again
The Ninja Fund started about three years ago because I couldn't afford to eat at the restaurant Ninja New York but desperately wanted to. Today, I still can't afford to eat there BUT I did end up eating there (thanks to a very generous date) about a year and a half ago.
Since I've already eaten at Ninja, there is no point for the Ninja Fund except a little extra cash for me and some cheap entertainment for you. Any suggestions on a new restaurant I should try out?
Also, I'm keeping the name because I like the way it sounds.
On Sunday night, the Ninja Fund came up at a dinner party at my apartment. I don't remember how or why but it did and suddenly I was being challenged, by my friend Max, to eat a scoop of sour cream, which I absolutely despise, for $5.
Easiest $5 EVER.
In the video it appears that I'm only getting $3 and a Diet Coke but one of my guests (Awesome John) coughed up the extra $2 which I spent on a Diet Coke anyway. Thanks, John!
I'm disgusting, I know.
Love,
Jenna
Since I've already eaten at Ninja, there is no point for the Ninja Fund except a little extra cash for me and some cheap entertainment for you. Any suggestions on a new restaurant I should try out?
Also, I'm keeping the name because I like the way it sounds.
On Sunday night, the Ninja Fund came up at a dinner party at my apartment. I don't remember how or why but it did and suddenly I was being challenged, by my friend Max, to eat a scoop of sour cream, which I absolutely despise, for $5.
Easiest $5 EVER.
In the video it appears that I'm only getting $3 and a Diet Coke but one of my guests (Awesome John) coughed up the extra $2 which I spent on a Diet Coke anyway. Thanks, John!
I'm disgusting, I know.
Love,
Jenna
Monday, April 26, 2010
Hey friends!
As you know, I've been promising a website for months now. Well, I've run into some difficulties that will take some time to get over so until then, I'm trying to decide whether or not I should start blogging again like the good ol' days. What do you think? Absolutely 100% yes, we don't know how we've survived without your lame jokes and silly opinions or please no, save us from your self loathing and obsession with all things food? Let me know.
Yes I know, I have terrible handwriting.
In the meantime, check out a small portion from my appearance on Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend last week.
Do what your mother tells you and follow me on twitter.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. New Ninja Fund video coming soon.
Yes I know, I have terrible handwriting.
In the meantime, check out a small portion from my appearance on Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend last week.
Do what your mother tells you and follow me on twitter.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. New Ninja Fund video coming soon.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sometimes I Tell Jokes..
...and now I've officially posted some of those jokes online.
Yowsers.
Jokes jokes jokes, jokes jokes jokes...
Love,
Jenna
Yowsers.
Jokes jokes jokes, jokes jokes jokes...
Love,
Jenna
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