...how you might handle yourself in this situation...
If someone threatened to punch you in the HEAD would you:
1. laugh
2. put on a helmet
3. call Chris Brown for backup
4. call your mom
5. call Obama-man
6. start shakin' in your boots
7. curse him
8. curse at him
9. ask him to read aloud from the New Testament
10. punch him in the face first
I choose 1, 2, and 10.
And that, my friends, is how I waste your time. How 'bout American Idol this season huh? More to come...
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sometimes wearing green...
...can be dangerous! If anybody even tries to pinch my blog, you are either totally color blind or really asking for it. Is there a rule that says if someone pinches you and you are actually wearing green that you get to punch that person in the face? I think I'm going to hide a pinch of green somewhere on my being and then if anybody so much as comes near me with pinching fingers, so help me, I will punch you in the face.
I have no idea what St. Patrick's Day is actually about except that it's for the Irish and it involves green and beer and sometimes green beer, thanks to green dye #4. Perhaps I should consult wikipedia, the source for ALL knowledge good or evil, small or big, important or just plain stupid and of course RIGHT but mostly wrong, for the origins of this special day. BRB. (cue elevator music)
Ok so I looked it up and Wikipedia says:
Congratulations to Ireland. I hope those with actual Irish decent enjoy their special day. And also, I'd like to apologize for all of the frat boys out there puking green. I don't celebrate Canada's Independence day. Or India's Independence Day. Or England's Independence...wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. They don't have an independence day! Who have they ever been freed from? They're the reason the rest of us have Independence Days! July 4th in England is actually called, "We Didn't Want Them Anyway Day." Let's be clear: I have no idea what I'm talking about and I also realize that St. Patrick's Day is not Ireland's Day of Independence but began as a religious holiday centuries ago, just so you know. The point is, Happy St. Patrick's Day even though I'm not Irish and I do have a problem with most red heads. I do, however, love the color green even though I forgot to wear a bit-o-it to work today.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Love,
Jenna
I have no idea what St. Patrick's Day is actually about except that it's for the Irish and it involves green and beer and sometimes green beer, thanks to green dye #4. Perhaps I should consult wikipedia, the source for ALL knowledge good or evil, small or big, important or just plain stupid and of course RIGHT but mostly wrong, for the origins of this special day. BRB. (cue elevator music)
Ok so I looked it up and Wikipedia says:
Saint Patrick's Day (Irish: Lá ’le Pádraig or Lá Fhéile Pádraig), colloquially St. Paddy's Day or Paddy's Day, is an annual feast day which celebrates Saint Patrick (circa AD 385–461), one of the patron saints of Ireland, and is generally celebrated on March 17.
Congratulations to Ireland. I hope those with actual Irish decent enjoy their special day. And also, I'd like to apologize for all of the frat boys out there puking green. I don't celebrate Canada's Independence day. Or India's Independence Day. Or England's Independence...wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. They don't have an independence day! Who have they ever been freed from? They're the reason the rest of us have Independence Days! July 4th in England is actually called, "We Didn't Want Them Anyway Day." Let's be clear: I have no idea what I'm talking about and I also realize that St. Patrick's Day is not Ireland's Day of Independence but began as a religious holiday centuries ago, just so you know. The point is, Happy St. Patrick's Day even though I'm not Irish and I do have a problem with most red heads. I do, however, love the color green even though I forgot to wear a bit-o-it to work today.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Love,
Jenna
Monday, March 16, 2009
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 3/16/09
Green is Out: St. Patrick's Day will be canceled this year. With the bad economy, the holiday suffered from a few major setbacks. Too many to celebrate! Believe it or not, someone stole all of the gold at the end of the rainbow. And no, the cold watch I am wearing was purchased well before the gold was reported missing so don't look at me. After losing his 401K, the Lucky Charms leprechaun had to get a second job and couldn't get out of his shift at The Dairy Queen so he won't be out partying. People fear that wearing the color of green will only remind people of the money lost. And because New York City is running low on money, they had to find ways to cut back on their budgets which means that the city won't be spending hundreds of thousands of dollars cleaning up the green vomit lining the streets the following morning. You know the world is in trouble, when a holiday based on drinking can't even make it feel better. Drinking always solves my problems. I mean, it would, if I drank. Which I don't. Not that I should have to remind you that I don't. Because, duh, like I would ever...maybe...no. Never! Except sometimes but like not really. (nervous laughter...) Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Jealous Tyra?: You should have seen the mug shots of the models who were arrested on Saturday afternoon when the America's Next Top Model Auditions turned into a riot on the streets of Manhattan. They were fierce!
Think About It: Crazy Octo-Mom-gelina might be bringing her babies home soon. Wait a minute, what home? (How much will her kids hate her in a few years?)
Bonus This: Instead of getting the millions of dollars in bonuses, AIG executives are receiving a different kind of bonus this year. They are allowed to choose from one of the following:
1. Punch in the face by Barack Obama
2. Swim with dolphins except the dolphins will be replaced with sharks.
3. Promoted to head of the DMV
4. Dinner with the head of TMZ or Perez Hilton (and you can't drink alcohol)
5. Human Pinata for underprivileged children
I'm JK and you are totally my favorite.
Love,
Jenna Kim
Jealous Tyra?: You should have seen the mug shots of the models who were arrested on Saturday afternoon when the America's Next Top Model Auditions turned into a riot on the streets of Manhattan. They were fierce!
Think About It: Crazy Octo-Mom-gelina might be bringing her babies home soon. Wait a minute, what home? (How much will her kids hate her in a few years?)
Bonus This: Instead of getting the millions of dollars in bonuses, AIG executives are receiving a different kind of bonus this year. They are allowed to choose from one of the following:
1. Punch in the face by Barack Obama
2. Swim with dolphins except the dolphins will be replaced with sharks.
3. Promoted to head of the DMV
4. Dinner with the head of TMZ or Perez Hilton (and you can't drink alcohol)
5. Human Pinata for underprivileged children
I'm JK and you are totally my favorite.
Love,
Jenna Kim
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sometimes I make decisions...
...without thinking. I am attempting to tell jokes in front of people (some call it standup) for the first time a week from tomorrow. I've never been drunk, I won't ever get drunk but I feel like if there was a situation I might like to be drunk, next Saturday could be ideal. When I imagine what might happen, I can't help but wonder, was this ultimately a good decision? We'll see.
In other news...
Bernie Madoff went to jail today after pleading guilty to perpetrating one of the largest frauds in history. Now he'll finally know what it's REALLY like to live in New York like the rest of us sleeping in a 7x8 bedroom. Gosh, that's a freaking mansion! Listen Bernie, you totally get used to it.
Facebook is turning into TWITTER! The site's new homepage format is ruffling facebook feathers today because it focuses mostly on the "status" function making it feel little more like twitter. Yuck! I haven't seen it yet. Of course, I'm kind of technology illiterate so my computer hasn't made the switch. The poor thing will probably explode before it updates my facebook homepage. Maybe that's a good thing? I refuse to lose my brain to the book of faces! And if I ever become a tweet, a twitterer, a twit take my laptop and slap me across the face with it. Actually don't do that. I have to protect this face.
Speaking of faces, what is the opposite of a butterface? Butterbody? Butterbutt? I can't decide what works. Any suggestions? Let me know and we'll submit it into the Urban Dictionary (read at your own risk).
I hope you all have a lovely Friday. The next few weeks are going to be very busy for me but I promise to keep blogging as much as I can. Keep reading, nerds. And don't hate.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. I received a box of "awesome" from my sister and brother-in-law this morning. AWESOME IS DELICIOUS! Thanks, Ash and Clay!
In other news...
Bernie Madoff went to jail today after pleading guilty to perpetrating one of the largest frauds in history. Now he'll finally know what it's REALLY like to live in New York like the rest of us sleeping in a 7x8 bedroom. Gosh, that's a freaking mansion! Listen Bernie, you totally get used to it.
Facebook is turning into TWITTER! The site's new homepage format is ruffling facebook feathers today because it focuses mostly on the "status" function making it feel little more like twitter. Yuck! I haven't seen it yet. Of course, I'm kind of technology illiterate so my computer hasn't made the switch. The poor thing will probably explode before it updates my facebook homepage. Maybe that's a good thing? I refuse to lose my brain to the book of faces! And if I ever become a tweet, a twitterer, a twit take my laptop and slap me across the face with it. Actually don't do that. I have to protect this face.
Speaking of faces, what is the opposite of a butterface? Butterbody? Butterbutt? I can't decide what works. Any suggestions? Let me know and we'll submit it into the Urban Dictionary (read at your own risk).
I hope you all have a lovely Friday. The next few weeks are going to be very busy for me but I promise to keep blogging as much as I can. Keep reading, nerds. And don't hate.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. I received a box of "awesome" from my sister and brother-in-law this morning. AWESOME IS DELICIOUS! Thanks, Ash and Clay!
Sometimes my blog...
...is a total loser. That's right. I'm a loser. You know why? Because I lost TWO followers this week.
TWO!!!
How does that happen? What did I do and how can I get you back? I promise, no more stimulus package jokes. Don't go. Please. I'm a single Mormon girl. My followers are all I have to keep me warm at night.
I miss you.
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sometimes news is the best form...
...of entertainment. So here is a short recap of the news that caught my attention the last couple of days.
And just so we don't have to end on creepy thoughts, in an interview recently, Michael Steel, head of the GOP (yeah you know me) said he enjoys listening to a wide range of music including "old school" favorites like "P. Diddy" and "Frank Sinatra" along with the rest of the guys in the "Pack Rat." I know that I LOVE to make stuff up but I promise, I did not and could not make that up. Want proof? Here is a link to the article: http://men.style.com/gq/blogs/gqeditors/2009/03/the-reconstruct.html
There is a shiny new ipod shuffle coming out in the near future. It's smaller than an AA battery, holds up to 1,000 songs and costs $79. Keep in mind, it will not work as replacements for dead batteries in your remote control. And you WILL lose it at some point within the first few weeks of owning it. Also there are no buttons on it so you actually have to have an ipod chip implanted into your brain and then play your shuffle using mind power. Talk about going green! Also, instead of plugging the shuffle into your computer, you plug yourself in the computer. And that is how apple has come one step closer to running the world!!! Apples are so cool. Mac is the best. If Mac were a boy, I'd date him. Mac is so much hotter than Matthew McConaughey. All hail the mighty Mac!
Two contestants were kicked off American Idol tonight. BUT guess who didn't get to watch it? Turns out my TV was mysteriously unplugged the last two nights. And guess who hasn't turned on her TV for the last couple of days? That means I didn't notice that it was unplugged which means I don't have my shows from the last two days which means no American Idol for me. BOOOOOOO! Before I google the contestants who got the boot and even though you already know who we never have to listen to sing again, my predictions are Scott, the blind kid for reasons I shouldn't say but you are probably thinking and Megan the girl from Sandy, Utah because if anybody knows me, you know that Sandy, Utah is a total DEAL BREAKER. That's right, I don't like Sandy, Utah. Why? I have absolutely no good reason why. Sandy is like a wanna be Salt Lake City. OMG, it's such a poser. I have a friend who feels the same way. There is something strange about Sandy. Just trust me.
Another tragedy hit America today. Seriously. There was a devastating shooting leaving 10 people dead and 6 others injured in a small community in Alabama. As always people in this community, people who knew him, the lunatic running around with a gun taking lives away, were and are shocked. Now I hate to make light of this tragedy so I won't but I have to ask, were these victims really THAT shocked. The news article I read reported that the shooter was, "well liked by his co-workers." A former high school acquaintance was quoted saying, "He was just friendly with everyone and kind of stayed to himself." Whoa, whoa, whoa! Crazy shootings, after crackhead bombings, after creepy kidnappings, after crazy shootings should have taught us time and time again that the always remembered "friendly" and "quiet" kids are the ones who go on these killing sprees. Ok, let me explain. This guy's high school friend said he was friendly and apparently his coworkers said he was well liked. Was he really? Really? Or was he actually the guy everyone secretly thought was going to kill them one day. Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about. The crazy guy at work who you are determined to be nice to just so he keeps you off his hit list? The one who has weird crushes on girls who are much too pretty for him because every pretty girl that he asked out in high school was forced to go out with him by her mother leaving him way overconfident and completely void of real social grace and an inability to accept reality and rejection? The guy you catch talking to himself in the mirror in 3rd person? Does this guy spend a lot of time building things in his basement, collecting dead animals and decapitating barbie dolls? I'm just saying, was this guy really nice or was his high school friend just saying that because she was trying to be nice all the time thinking, "I knew he was crazy. I saw this coming the day I witnessed him loading a dirty shovel, bloody tarps and black gloves into the back of his curtained van!" Think about it.
Two contestants were kicked off American Idol tonight. BUT guess who didn't get to watch it? Turns out my TV was mysteriously unplugged the last two nights. And guess who hasn't turned on her TV for the last couple of days? That means I didn't notice that it was unplugged which means I don't have my shows from the last two days which means no American Idol for me. BOOOOOOO! Before I google the contestants who got the boot and even though you already know who we never have to listen to sing again, my predictions are Scott, the blind kid for reasons I shouldn't say but you are probably thinking and Megan the girl from Sandy, Utah because if anybody knows me, you know that Sandy, Utah is a total DEAL BREAKER. That's right, I don't like Sandy, Utah. Why? I have absolutely no good reason why. Sandy is like a wanna be Salt Lake City. OMG, it's such a poser. I have a friend who feels the same way. There is something strange about Sandy. Just trust me.
Another tragedy hit America today. Seriously. There was a devastating shooting leaving 10 people dead and 6 others injured in a small community in Alabama. As always people in this community, people who knew him, the lunatic running around with a gun taking lives away, were and are shocked. Now I hate to make light of this tragedy so I won't but I have to ask, were these victims really THAT shocked. The news article I read reported that the shooter was, "well liked by his co-workers." A former high school acquaintance was quoted saying, "He was just friendly with everyone and kind of stayed to himself." Whoa, whoa, whoa! Crazy shootings, after crackhead bombings, after creepy kidnappings, after crazy shootings should have taught us time and time again that the always remembered "friendly" and "quiet" kids are the ones who go on these killing sprees. Ok, let me explain. This guy's high school friend said he was friendly and apparently his coworkers said he was well liked. Was he really? Really? Or was he actually the guy everyone secretly thought was going to kill them one day. Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about. The crazy guy at work who you are determined to be nice to just so he keeps you off his hit list? The one who has weird crushes on girls who are much too pretty for him because every pretty girl that he asked out in high school was forced to go out with him by her mother leaving him way overconfident and completely void of real social grace and an inability to accept reality and rejection? The guy you catch talking to himself in the mirror in 3rd person? Does this guy spend a lot of time building things in his basement, collecting dead animals and decapitating barbie dolls? I'm just saying, was this guy really nice or was his high school friend just saying that because she was trying to be nice all the time thinking, "I knew he was crazy. I saw this coming the day I witnessed him loading a dirty shovel, bloody tarps and black gloves into the back of his curtained van!" Think about it.
And just so we don't have to end on creepy thoughts, in an interview recently, Michael Steel, head of the GOP (yeah you know me) said he enjoys listening to a wide range of music including "old school" favorites like "P. Diddy" and "Frank Sinatra" along with the rest of the guys in the "Pack Rat." I know that I LOVE to make stuff up but I promise, I did not and could not make that up. Want proof? Here is a link to the article: http://men.style.com/gq/blogs/gqeditors/2009/03/the-reconstruct.html
That is all. I'm going to go listen to the Pack Rats and The Jonas Bros and Hoes now. Later nerds!
Love,
Jenna
Monday, March 9, 2009
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 3/9/09
Mo-Mo Gossip: Turns out Mormon Senator Harry Reid actually writes the blog: whymormongirlsstaysingle.com. Democrats...
This Week in Toys: Barbie turns 50 this year and she's hotter than ever. Seriously, she's burning up; she's a flash of heat. The 50th Anniversary Doll will be named Lady Menopause and will come with a copy of Richard Gere's latest film, "Nights in Rodanthe." Happy 50th!
Musical Politics: Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele are starting a pop duo and will go on a national tour with their first album, "Bringin' Down the Republican Pizarty." Critics predict that Limbaugh and Steele are this generation's Hall and Oates with Steele being the duo's Oates, naturally.
This just in: Rush Limbaugh ate Michael Steele. He's a maneater!
This Week in Toys: Barbie turns 50 this year and she's hotter than ever. Seriously, she's burning up; she's a flash of heat. The 50th Anniversary Doll will be named Lady Menopause and will come with a copy of Richard Gere's latest film, "Nights in Rodanthe." Happy 50th!
Musical Politics: Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele are starting a pop duo and will go on a national tour with their first album, "Bringin' Down the Republican Pizarty." Critics predict that Limbaugh and Steele are this generation's Hall and Oates with Steele being the duo's Oates, naturally.
This just in: Rush Limbaugh ate Michael Steele. He's a maneater!
A Look Back in Time: Remember this guy?
I do. Sigh...
Don't worry, Ladies: Dr. Sanjay Gupta won't go into hiding as the U.S. Surgeon General after all. He has withdrawn his name for consideration for the position. Reason why? Way too attractive. Or rather, his wife is having their third child and he doesn't want to take a job that would take him away from his family for the amount of time Surgeon General would require. Ha. I almost had you there. The real fake reason? Little does the world know, he was actually forced to withdraw after being caught smoking pot with Michael Phelps...and Andy Dick, Alec Baldwin, The Jonas Brothers, Joan Rivers and Lady Menopause. Now that is one crazy hot box. By the way, do you think Lady Gaga will change her name to Lady Menopause in a few decades?
For the Foodies: Yobama is the newest most delicious frozen yogurt flavor, coming to Pinkberry across the nation, like way soon.
The End: That's all I've got because I don't have time to write anymore. I gotta a life to live and rumors to discover. Until next time, I'm JK and you're total nerds.
Love,
Jenna Kim
P.S. Please enjoy a few seconds of Hall and Oates singing "Rich Girl." Yeah, I saw them in concert this past weekend. Jealous? You should be.
Sometimes Korean Pop...
...is almost as good as The Spice Girls! I dare say, BETTER than...
You know you loved it. Bathroom humor, dance moves and catchy music! So much better than Beyonce.
Love,
Jenna
You know you loved it. Bathroom humor, dance moves and catchy music! So much better than Beyonce.
Love,
Jenna
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Sometimes Friday slips by...
...before I can tell it how much I love it.
Actually, Friday doesn't mean quite as much as to me anymore. At least not like it did when I could watch TGIF and get my fill of Boy Meets World, Step by Step, etc...because yes, I am that nerdy. Oh please, like you didn't love TGIF. Best TV ever.
Have a GREAT weekend! I might.
Love,
Jenna
Love,
Jenna
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Sometimes Peter Priesthood...
...writes a blog that gets a lot of Mormons all riled up. A new blog (http://whymormongirlsstaysingle.com) has caused an uproar in the Mormon community. How dare these guys, whoever they are, make fun of Mormon girls and singleness! Being single at 23 isn't a laughing matter. Oh wait a minute, yes it is! The single life is awkward and the Mormon single life is even more awkward because we (That's right, did you forget? I'm Mormon too!) are commanded to get married ASAP! So the longer we remain single, the longer we are reminded of our failure to multiply and replenish the earth. Oh snap. That IS funny.
Since its birth in January, the blog has had over 70,000 hits and been featured in two different news articles and now my blog. Oh snap again. This "why your single" blog wasn't the only blog featured in these articles. Apparently there are other Mormon kids, living in MY city, that's New York City, just in case you were wondering, who write these "popular" blogs that have been featured in the news. I'm offended that I wasn't included in these articles. Oh wait, my blog isn't popular. But explain this to me: how is it possible that a girl who writes posts about "husband" and cupcakes gets 2,000 hits today and I'm lucky to break even. And by break even, I mean, more people check my blog than I do during the day. Ugh. Tell your friends, sometimes I'm funny and sometimes I'm Mormon. Fine, I'm funny all the time. Do I really have to resort to exploiting my faith just to catch your eye? Or should I put on a shorter skirt? Apparently I'm getting desperate. I'm single and almost 23! Help!
So all those unengaged Mormon girls enraged about the blog examining all the funny reasons you're still single, relax. Laugh at yourself or your pathetic roommate who's a sucker for a booty call, pretends to like "girls night out" and overbears her testimony. It's FUNNY!!! And if it makes you feel any better, the guys who write it are probably gay.
I love the online world. Now let's go glitter my twitter. (What did I just type...)
Love,
Jenna
Since its birth in January, the blog has had over 70,000 hits and been featured in two different news articles and now my blog. Oh snap again. This "why your single" blog wasn't the only blog featured in these articles. Apparently there are other Mormon kids, living in MY city, that's New York City, just in case you were wondering, who write these "popular" blogs that have been featured in the news. I'm offended that I wasn't included in these articles. Oh wait, my blog isn't popular. But explain this to me: how is it possible that a girl who writes posts about "husband" and cupcakes gets 2,000 hits today and I'm lucky to break even. And by break even, I mean, more people check my blog than I do during the day. Ugh. Tell your friends, sometimes I'm funny and sometimes I'm Mormon. Fine, I'm funny all the time. Do I really have to resort to exploiting my faith just to catch your eye? Or should I put on a shorter skirt? Apparently I'm getting desperate. I'm single and almost 23! Help!
So all those unengaged Mormon girls enraged about the blog examining all the funny reasons you're still single, relax. Laugh at yourself or your pathetic roommate who's a sucker for a booty call, pretends to like "girls night out" and overbears her testimony. It's FUNNY!!! And if it makes you feel any better, the guys who write it are probably gay.
I love the online world. Now let's go glitter my twitter. (What did I just type...)
Love,
Jenna
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