Sometimes she's just not that into...

...He's Just Not That Into You. Did you follow that?

Alright, I saw it. I saw the movie with so many truth bombs, I left the theater (which was, by the way, the biggest movie theater I have ever sat in with less than a dozen viewers and the guy with stinky McDonald's had to sit right next to me...of course) hopeless and ready to give up dating altogether. That's right dating: I'm just not that into YOU or any of our friends!

Scarlett Hohansson, excuse me, Johansson is as scanky as I thought she was. Don't tell me she wasn't playing herself. That role came way to naturally.

Myspace is dying, if not officially dead, after that movie. Cancel your accounts, ladies and gentlemen, and get yourself a real estate broker.

Although I was happy to see Gigi and Alex end up together, I'm 100% sure he wouldn't act like such a girl about it. Isn't that the point of the film? That guys don't obsess about girls like girls obsess about guys? Oh, right, Gigi was the exception. Whatever. I don't buy it. Alex would have realized he liked her and asked her out like a man does. She would have been an easy catch, they'd be sleeping together even more quickly than Hohanson was performing a skinny dipping routine for a married man and we'd all hope and some of us might even pray they'd work out so that Gigi could end her cyberstalking days once and for all.

Unfortunately, the film doesn't give men a lot of credit. I imagine there are good ones out there. I think I've met a few. I think.

I didn't hate the movie. It was just so darn true! Aren't romantic comedies supposed to be outrageous, ridiculous, absurd, resulting in unrealistically high expectations of my own romantic endeavors?

Oh by the way, I'm just not that into you, Chris Brown.



What are you going to do about it, hit me?

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes TV night...

...isn't done right. Time Warner has failed me again. I can't watch Ugly Betty hook up with her newest hottie (HOW DOES SHE DO IT??? SHE'S SO UGLY!!!).

I've been living without cable for 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure at any moment I'm going to experience my first official panic attack. Okay, my third or fourth, FINE, fifth official panic attack.

How am I supposed to blog without the soothing sounds of the television blaring at me? Looks like I'll be watching my collection of BBC miniseries on DVD for the next few days.

Tonight's topic: The MOTHERSHIP has arrived.

AND she has agreed to see "He's Just Not That Into You" with me tomorrow afternoon.

Which means, tomorrow's topic: Why "He's Just That Not Into You" is the most depressing chick flick of 2009 or quite possibly ever.

Get excited or excitedly depressed or at least get a pint of Ben and Jerry's in advance.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I have to give...

...the readers what they want.

A few days ago, Chris Brown finally made a statement about the "incident" also known as "Rihanna my love, meet my fist," the title of his single, blowing up your ipod very soon.

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

I wonder what kind of posts were made? (Can't resist...feeling guilty already...must continue....)

These posts were found on various websites (including spacebook, myface and twit) and bathroom stalls at the Los Angeles Police Department.

"Rihanna ate my last piece of double mint gum."
"I didn't really hit Rihanna, the wii remote slipped out of my hand."
"I yelled, "catch" but she didn't catch my fist quick enough."
"She hit herself, I just helped."
"This is how we show love. Next time she'll beat me unconscious."
"I didn't bite her on purpose. I thought I saw a chicken nugget on her arm."
"I was just break dancing...on her face."
"She wouldn't shut up about her umbrella, ella, ella...You have no idea how annoying that gets."

Unfortunately, I don't think this is the first time this has happened and we should have known! Rihanna has been trying to make the eye patch fashionable for months. Why? The answer rhymes with shplack shmeye.



I'm relieved to know that eye patches won't actually become fashionable because I've been wearing an eye patch around town lately and it's been a real hazard. Sure, I have one less eye to accidentally stab with a pencil (you have no idea how close I've come) but I have nearly impaled myself on scaffolding, been hit by a bus and I can't get anyone to look me in my exposed eye. The only people I know who look good in eye patches are pirates. Trust me, I know a lot of pirates. And Rihanna is not a pirate. She's just a pop singer who gets beat up by her boyfriend. She's like the Tina Turner of our generation. Oh snap...I just went there.

Can't wait for these young singers to make their comeback. And seriously, pop stars, celebrities, regular people and those with anger management issues, don't beat up your girlfriend. Or else...I'll punch you in the face. Don't think I won't.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes you think Spring is in the air...

...but instead the birds are singing and the sun is shining because Posh is in town!

Fashion week has allowed Posh to grace our presence. Now, if Ginger would show up and they could take a picture together, preferably with me in the middle of that Spice Girl sandwich, my life would be complete. I did it. Spice Girl Sandwich? Really? I finally made my creepy love of Spice Girls reach an all new creepy level.

But to keep the creepiness flowing, let's talk about Chris Brown. The pop prince made a statement today about the smack down he gave his pop princess Rihanna. And I wrote some jokes about it (Clay, my brother-in-law wrote a few too). I think I just heard you groan. Fine. Nevermind. Perhaps that is going too far but the jokes are kinda funny if you think...face break dancing is potentially funny which um, I mean, uh, nevermind.

Last night's SNL episode with host Alec Baldwin and musical guests The Jonas Brothers was just alright. There have been better episodes this season. (Chewable Diapers? Really?) And Alec, still trying to improve your reputation after you cursed out your child by doing a skit with The J-Brothers and inviting your she-Baldwin's to introduce the Disney heartthrobs? Nice try, Pops. And by the way, The Jonas Brothers, your jeans are too small. I don't mind tight jeans but come on. I really hate to be the blogger to say this but it looks like one of them is sporting an extra pair of socks and they aren't on his feet, if you know what I mean.

Tomorrow I'm going to eat a fried hot dog. (pause) Did this post just get even more awkward? I wasn't sure it was possible. Wow. But I really am going to eat a fried hot dog in The East Village: Land of the Skinny Jean.

Question(s) of the day: Who decided it was okay to fry a hot dog? And what makes me think I should try it? Can I blame America? My childhood? Benjamin Button? (What? That doesn't even make sense!)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes pigs fly...

...which is why I'm asking the government to send me $1,000,000,000 to stimulate my life.

You have no idea how much good I could do.

Let the stimulation begin! (Awkward...)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I have to set the record straight...

...



That's right, you're sick.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes it's hard to feel the love...

How people wear flip flops around this city blows my freaking mind.

I was the only girl on the train without a rose tonight.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes you might need to be reminded...

...to share the love.  

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow.  

Sigh...

I mean...duh, who cares.

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes my nights are...

...so busy that I honestly don't even have time to turn on the computer.

(Awkward pause...)

OKAY, fine, my computer WAS on last night and I wanted to blog. I had every intention of blogging but unfortunately popcorn, couches and bruises got in the way! I'd elaborate but I think it would be best if I let you take this opportunity to exercise your imagination.

(I told my blog I would blog everyday which is why I keep apologizing for missing a day or two here and there. Yes, I'm apologizing to my blog. I've got guilt issues.)

Moving on....

It's been three days since THE GRAMMYS and I haven't said a word about them! I don't have much to say except that Alison Krause and the dude from Led Zeppelin stole the show, winning awards and performing a song I've never heard before. What were they thinking? I have NOT seen that song on itunes top 100 list. Trust me. I mean, they could have at least invited Miley Cyrus to perform with them so people cared!

I didn't see Stevie Wonder perform with the Jonas Brother but come on, really? The Jonas Brother performing with Stevie Wonder is like trying to twitter with Hemingway.

And well, Chris Brown. Dear, dear Chris Brown. Singer of my favorite cell phone ring. And poor, poor Rihanna, singer of my other favorite cell phone ring. It's just not right anymore. How will I know when my phone is ringing? Abuse affects everyone not just the one knocked unconscious. (This situation really is disappointing...Oh no...I feel guilty again...)

FYI...pregnant bellies, sheer tops and polka dots bobbing around on stage give me motion sickness. Apparently M.I.A.'s baby was due on Sunday and yet there she was flopping around on stage with her almost bare belly hanging out. And in polka dots for that matter! GASP! I don't get it. I just don't get it. She's an odd character anyway. Some may even say, she's a terrorist! (At least that's what I read in the NY Times today.) Terrorist or not, she's a freakin' Grammy nominee. Hey, if Wu Tang Clan can win grammys, so can a terrorist. And that is the American way so suck on that. (That was unnecessary...I apologize...)

"I fly like paper, get high like planes..." (That song is craaaazy catchy. That's right, nod your head.)

Oh award shows...

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes there isn't enough time...

...for blogging. This weekend flew by and I missed two days of blogging. Deal. I attempted to write last night but I had a pounding headache due to caffeine withdrawal which made it nearly impossible to function. Apparently I'm an addict, dang it. I'm such a disappointment. Curse you, Diet Coke. Sometimes I hate you! (I don't mean it! I could never hate you. You're my only true friend. I'm sorry...)

So anyway, my topic today: aerial wolf hunting. Ashley Judd has been after Sarah Palin and one of her favorite pasttimes. Come on, Ashley! How else are you supposed to hunt wolves? What do you expect Sarah Palin to do? Put on her wolf costume and jump a wolf with her own two paws? Call up Kevin Costner and go dancing?

Are you telling me, Ashley Judd, that you aren't supposed to kill wolves? Because I heard from this homeless, legless, wandering eyed fortune teller on the subway that if we don't kill wolves aerially they will over populate the world eventually overtaking humans. I totally believe it because I saw Planet of the Apes. I don't know where those ape actors came from but they were incredible. After seeing them, I went to the zoo and couldn't look any of the apes in the eyes. Sarah Palin must have heard the same rumor. Although, wait a minute, she doesn't believe in evolution. So that means she kills wolves because she's a blood thirsty baby making Alaskan Governor!  (cue dramatic music)

I don't really understand the feud between AShley Judd and Sarah Palin. Why? Because I don't know why people would hunt wolves and I don't know why people who live far far away from wolf killing care about wolves being killed far far away. I guess I'm heartless. Either way, I've been terrified of wolves since Red Riding Hood was nearly eaten at her Grandmother's house.

I do know one thing: I want Governor Palin to go away. I don't want to hear about her anymore. So Ashley Judd, that means you need to relax and stop making websites called eyesonpalin.org. And Sarah, lay off the aerial wolf hunting. It's creepy. And rather unlady like.

Love,
Jenna