Sometimes people are ridic...

...culous.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store (three times actually). During the first two visits, I wore the same outfit. Long shorts, a navy blue t-shirt, and these sweet shoes I bought last week. I coveted these shoes my entire freshman year of college. My best friend that year wore them all the time. I wanted to buy them but they were too expensive. So, I lived without them until I found them last week in the clearance section of Aldo Kids shoes. My feet are small enough to wear the largest kid size so I ended up scoring the shoes for $7.00. So anyway, I was rockin' my new shoes in Macey's Grocery Store yesterday and this woman came up to me. Here's what went down:

Woman: Oh my goodness, your shoes are so cute.

Jenna: Thanks!

Jenna continues to walk but the woman stops in front of her blocking her escape all the while still staring at her shoes.

Woman: They are SO cute. Wow. Are they Uggs?

Jenna: Nope, they aren't. I don't actually know what brand they are but they aren't Uggs.

The woman continues to stare. Jenna looks the woman up and down to see that she is well dressed and quite pretty for her age. (Of course, Utah county is full of pretty older women.)

Woman: So where did you get them?

Jenna: Aldo. They have stores in Salt Lake and Park City.

Woman: Hmm, oh.

Woman stares at shoes.

Woman: They are so cute.

Woman stares into Jenna's eyes.

Jenna: Do you want me to take them off and give them to you?

Woman: Well yes. That would be so nice of you.

Jenna: I'm joking.

Woman: I'm not, that would be the charitable thing to do.

Jenna: What?

Woman: Those are cute shoes and I want them. Give them to me.

Jenna: Um...

Woman: Give them to me!

The woman reaches down to grab Jenna's feet. Jenna tries to run but is frozen with fear. The woman looks up and Jenna takes the chance to swing a punch.

Jenna wakes up two hours later in a church parking lot. She has a black eye and no shoes.

Jenna: What happened to me?

Jenna sees that her shoes are missing.

Jenna: So did I punch her or what?

The End.

I still haven't punched anyone in the face or have I?

Love,
Jenna

P.S. I want my shoes back.

Sometimes nerdiness...

...comes naturally. Like me, for example. I don't mean to be so nerdy, I just am. I recently saw an article in Nylon Magazine (Just in case you might think that makes me cool, I don't read Nylon Magazine regularly. In fact, I was googling Lisa Loeb's song "Stay" and ran into the article. See, still very nerdy.) Anyway, Nylon Magazine published The Top 10 Nerdiest Songs of All Time in their June 2008 issue. That got me thinking: what are the Top 10 Nerdiest Songs in my Itunes?

Get ready for nerdy chills:

1. Owner of a Lonely Heart - Yes - If you saw the movie "The Break-Up" you know why this song is nerdy. (And also why this song is hilarious.)

2. Who Says You Can't Go Home - Bon Jovi - This song is so cheesy it makes my stomach hurt.

3. That's How I Beat Shaq - Aaron Carter - Mr. Carter should be ashamed of himself. I guarantee he's not but he really should be.

4. Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town - Rockapella - Why? (And yes, Rockapella is that a capella group from Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego? I saw them sing in Utah once. They autographed their album cover for me. I probably should have kept that to myself.)

5. She Likes Me For Me - Blessed Union of Souls - This song is every nerd's dream: to find someone who likes him/her for him/herself.

6. This Time Around - Hanson - At least it's not Mm Bop (spelling?).

7. Perfect Day - Hoku - I sang this in a singing group once. We did fan kicks. Then this kid tried to lift me but I'm pretty sure I weighed a good 20 pounds more than him.

8. All My Life - K-Ci & JoJo - I think this song was written on the spot. K-Ci started singing and JoJo would finish his sentences.

9. I'm Free - Kenny Loggins - Footloose and fancy free.

10. Wish For You - LFO (Light Funky Ones) - "I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch." I never wore Abercrombie and Fitch but I sure wished I did when this song came out.

I know what you are thinking. Those aren't only nerdy, they are just plain bad. I wish I could say that they just magically appeared in my itunes music library. Unfortunately, I can't. I know why I own each and every song and will admit that many of them may have come from "Now That's What I Call Music" CD's. Ugh...I think they are up to Now That's What I call Music 497. I swear those CD's were cool once upon a time, weren't they? No? Oh, ok, I was and still am a nerd.

Love,
Jenna

Face it: sometimes people get older...

Today I am older.

I am facing it.

Sometimes I am so grateful for...

...youtube.

I saw this commercial a couple weeks ago and it made me laugh. I wanted to see it and thanks to youtube and user "adfreakdotcom," I was able to find the commercial. And now I'm sharing it with you...

Look out for an amazing "star" jump. Just watch...

Sometimes I wonder...

...could there be anything more annoying than a TV show about four unattractive women living in New York City?

Hmmmm, oh wait! I know what's more annoying! A MOVIE about four unattractive women living in New York City.

If you HAD to, which character in Sex and the City do you want to be?

If you are the main character, the narrator, the one who wears ridiculous clothes and looks like a foot and actually NEVER works yet somehow lives in a HUGE apartment in Manhattan and loves a guy named Mr. Big Head for the obvious reason that his head is larger than the great pumpkin in that Charlie Brown Halloween movie I saw once, oh wow, I got carried away, that's right, here name is CARRIE, if you want to be Carrie, you are a little more cautious about your scanky behavior, you would NEVER knowingly hook up with a married man, did I mention your frightening sense of fashion, and lastly, you constantly say unfortunate things like "You know what, we should call New York, Old York, I'm so bored with everything." Phew, I'm so glad I got that out.

If you want to be the brunette, you know, the sweet, naive, and of course, virtuous Charlotte, you are a pushover. Sorry, it's the truth. Or maybe you are just boring too.

If you are the old blond cougar, just kill me now. We can't be friends.

And lastly, we have the "smart" red head. I think she's a lawyer. Whatever. If I had to choose to be a character on the show, I'd be her, whatever her name is. She's supposed to be the ugly "brainy" woman who is so nerdy, she actually gets married or has a baby or can't sleep around like the rest of them or something like that. What is her name? Seriously, I have no idea.

I'm so tired of talking about these characters. This post started out with such great potential but I just can't take it anymore. Sex and the City is lame. FACE IT!

I can almost guarantee that this movie is going to flop. Almost. Movie critics are going to hate it. Die hard fans, teenage wannabe fans and gay men everywhere will probably embrace it, quote it, try to dress like SJP, etc, etc...

Again...KILL ME NOW.

Rotten Tomatoes Prediction: 24% and I'm being generous.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I'm selfish...

...and apparently a little bit impatient? Right, right, whatever, MOVING ON...

So lately I've been feeling sorry for myself. I try not to let it show but I'm becoming totes annoying. I almost want to punch myself in the face, mostly right now because I used the word "totes." It means totally for those of you who aren't "hip" like that. Anyway, don't worry about my face. I won't punch it. It's all I've got these days. Although, I think I have crows feet already. And sun spots. And my teeth...

Oh wait, am I feeling sorry for myself again?



My BF, let's just call him "Joe," told me I better write down 10 things I'm grateful for to remedy my situation.

Here goes...

1. Costco - more specifically, Costco Hot Dogs, Apple Pies, Sample Ladies and ankle socks.

2. My iTunes Playlist titled "My Life is Harder Than Yours." It grows day by day...

3. Amy Poehler when she plays Amber, that awful white trash one legged girl who farts everytime she hops around. "Jealous?" (Kind of, actually.)

4. The person who coined the word "spooning."

5-9. Brian, Kevin, AJ, Nick, and Howie D. of the Backstreet Boys for getting me through my 14th year of life on this earth. If I could borrow a phrase my brother used once, I'd like to call my teenage years, "The Nose Years."

10. Diet Coke on the rocks: if you were a Mormon man, I'd elope to the temple in a heartbeat.

Wow, I feel so much better. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. You know?

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Law and Order...

...is the only thing on TV. Like, literally, the ONLY thing on television. I took a JetBlue flight from New York City to Salt Lake City last night and discovered that the only thing to watch on Sunday night is Law and Order. It was playing on, wait for it, wait for it, EIGHT different networks. WTF?

It's not even that great. Ok it is a well written and well produced television show. Fine. BUT come on! I got so confused. I'd start one episode and then during a commercial break tune into a different episode and then forget which episode I was watching and then before long, I had no idea what was going on. At one point, I thought a group of cheerleaders killed a football player who attacked a stripper whose mother was actually a drug dealer dating a pervert who actually wasn't the murderer even though he was creepy as he*l.

All I wanted to do was watch Roseanne. In fact, there are quite a few things I'd rather watch than Law and Order at this exact moment in time:

1. Paint drying.

2. A slideshow of rocks.

3. Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

4. Youtube videos made and narrated by awkward and angst-ridden Swedish 14 year old nerds.

5. Sister Act 2.

Love,
Jenna

P.S. TNT is showing a Law and Order mini-marathon to celebrate Memorial Day. Please stay away from the TV and go outside. Enjoy the day off. I know I will. I'm going to WalMart to oooh and aaah over cheap socks.

Sometimes I get stressed out...

...and when I'm stressed out, I do crazy things.

For example:

1. A couple days ago, I walked out of Staples with a giant spool of bubble wrap without paying for it. Don't worry. I went back and paid.

2. The next day, I left my entire NINJA FUND at Chipotle. And that's what I'd really like to talk about today.

The NINJA FUND. A couple of months ago, I started the Ninja Fund in order to raise money so I could go to an overly expensive restaurant called Ninja where the waiters are actual trained ninjas. BUT because Ninja is all about eating, I wanted to earn money by eating. So basically, I would do any food related dare for compensation. Last week, I ate an Oyster for $6.00. Once I ate ketchup packets. I may have eaten candy corn that had been in my mom's ear and a gummy licked by my brother's dog for about $3.00. Anyway, the other day, I wanted to trade in my change for dollar bills: the fund was getting a little too heavy. The Duane Reade Pharmacy by my apartment has a coin counter but of course, it was broken. I was carrying the change in a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser box because I was out of ziplock bags so I took the box with me to Chipotle for lunch. Cameron (brother) and Janae (mother) were with me. After a nice long two hour lunch, we got up to leave and left the fund on the table. Of course, I didn't realize it until the next morning. I returned to Chipotle and they swear that hadn't seen anything of the sort there. Yeah, like I believe them. A Mr. Clean Box full of change? P-lease. Now if I had been looking for a Lysol can full of nickels, I would have been in luck...

So I have to start another Ninja Fund. Start all over again. Ridiculous? No way.

Any food related dare. You name it, I'll do it. Just e-mail me, I'll record me eating it and post it on my new blog...

www.ninjafund.blogspot.com

I will post a video clip there soon...

In the meantime, I am working on a four-step program to de-stress.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I'm lazy...

...and people complain. I'm BACK! I won't leave for that long ever again...probably.

These past few weeks, I've actually missed my blog and your comments but couldn't find the drive to write. I tried to blame my lack of posts on just about everything, for example:

1. "I don't remember how to turn my computer on."

2. I performed an experiment called "My Life Without the Internet." Conclusion: I have no real life.

3. The grocery store by my apartment stopped selling Garden Salsa SunChips. How am I supposed to write without them?

4. Updating my wikipedia page takes up a lot of time.

5. I was busy falling in love with David Archuleta.

6. I tried to avoid my blog until the democrats finally picked a candidate but it looks like that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Well not until August, most likely. I can't wait that long. Hillary has been wearing too many snazzy pant suits to go unnoticed.

7. I want my future potential employers to be able to google me and be thoroughly entertained. If you are considering hiring me...um...well...think about it this way. You can laugh about reading my blog in the office before you knew me and make fun of my eHarmony rejection, poor eating habits, self-deprecating sense of humor, bad taste in television, etc...

So those are my excuses. Yep. That's all I got. I'm getting back into this posting thing. Expect new stuff regularly. And if you don't like my writing, well, you can expect a reaction similar to this:



Love,
Jenna

P.S. The reason I've really been gone? I had to suffer through my last set of finals and graduate from New York University on Wednesday. Word...

Sometimes Earth Day...

...tries to make me feel guilty so...

I went green this week to stop Global Warming because it's the COOL thing to do.

Here's what I did to contribute:

1. Instead of leaving the water on all night like I usually do in order to simulate the sound of a river, I purchased a CD called, "Nothing Like Sleeping to the Sound of Water in Order to Go Green and Stop AIDS" produced by Bono, endorsed by Oprah, and also recommended by the big guy upstairs. And by the big guy upstairs, I mean, Lloyd, the big guy who lives in the apartment above mine.

2. I decided to burn my trash rather than throwing it down the garbage shoot in order to save space at the dump.

3. At my "Go Green or Go Home" party, which was sort of a big deal, like P. Diddy's 4th of July White Party, everyone had to wear green from head to toe and bring their own plates, silverware, and cups. Then we had a big water fight.

4. I put a sign above my toilet that says: "If it's brown, flush it down. If you pee, let it be."

Just looking out for you, Mother Earth, until it's not hip anymore or Oprah tells me to do something else.

I'm going to go hug a tree now.

Love,
Jenna

F.Y.I. I've been thinking that I'd rather heat up this earth as soon as possible. Winter makes me fat, pale and cold. Let's get rid of it.