Sometimes I make decisions...

...without thinking. I am attempting to tell jokes in front of people (some call it standup) for the first time a week from tomorrow. I've never been drunk, I won't ever get drunk but I feel like if there was a situation I might like to be drunk, next Saturday could be ideal. When I imagine what might happen, I can't help but wonder, was this ultimately a good decision? We'll see.

In other news...

Bernie Madoff went to jail today after pleading guilty to perpetrating one of the largest frauds in history. Now he'll finally know what it's REALLY like to live in New York like the rest of us sleeping in a 7x8 bedroom. Gosh, that's a freaking mansion! Listen Bernie, you totally get used to it.

Facebook is turning into TWITTER! The site's new homepage format is ruffling facebook feathers today because it focuses mostly on the "status" function making it feel little more like twitter. Yuck! I haven't seen it yet. Of course, I'm kind of technology illiterate so my computer hasn't made the switch. The poor thing will probably explode before it updates my facebook homepage. Maybe that's a good thing? I refuse to lose my brain to the book of faces! And if I ever become a tweet, a twitterer, a twit take my laptop and slap me across the face with it. Actually don't do that. I have to protect this face.

Speaking of faces, what is the opposite of a butterface? Butterbody? Butterbutt? I can't decide what works. Any suggestions? Let me know and we'll submit it into the Urban Dictionary (read at your own risk).

I hope you all have a lovely Friday. The next few weeks are going to be very busy for me but I promise to keep blogging as much as I can. Keep reading, nerds. And don't hate.

Love,
Jenna

P.S. I received a box of "awesome" from my sister and brother-in-law this morning. AWESOME IS DELICIOUS! Thanks, Ash and Clay!

Sometimes my blog...

...is a total loser.  That's right.  I'm a loser.  You know why?  Because I lost TWO followers this week.  

TWO!!!

How does that happen?  What did  I do and how can I get you back?  I promise, no more stimulus package jokes.  Don't go.  Please.  I'm a single Mormon girl.  My followers are all I have to keep me warm at night.  

I miss you.  

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes news is the best form...

...of entertainment.  So here is a short recap of the news that  caught my attention the last couple of days.

There is a shiny new ipod shuffle coming out in the near future.  It's smaller than an AA battery, holds up to 1,000 songs and costs $79.  Keep in mind, it will not work as replacements for dead batteries in your remote control.  And you WILL lose it at some point within the first few weeks of owning it.  Also there are no buttons on it so you actually have to have an ipod chip implanted into your brain and then play your shuffle using mind power. Talk about going green!  Also, instead of plugging the shuffle into your computer, you plug yourself in the computer.  And that is how apple has come one step closer to running the world!!!  Apples are so cool. Mac is the best. If Mac were a boy, I'd date him.  Mac is so much hotter than Matthew McConaughey.  All hail the mighty Mac!

Two contestants were kicked off American Idol tonight.  BUT guess who didn't get to watch it? Turns out my TV was mysteriously unplugged the last two nights.  And guess who hasn't turned on her TV for the last couple of days?  That means I didn't notice that it was unplugged which means I don't have my shows from the last two days which means no American Idol for me.  BOOOOOOO!   Before I google  the contestants who got the boot and even though you already know who we never have to listen to sing again, my predictions are Scott, the blind kid for reasons I shouldn't say but you are probably thinking and Megan the girl from Sandy, Utah because if anybody knows me, you know that Sandy, Utah is a total DEAL BREAKER.  That's right, I don't like Sandy, Utah.  Why?  I have absolutely no good reason why.  Sandy is like a wanna be Salt Lake City.  OMG, it's such a poser.  I have a friend who feels the same way.  There is something strange about Sandy.  Just trust me.  

Another tragedy hit America today. Seriously. There was a devastating shooting leaving 10 people dead and 6 others injured in a small community in Alabama. As always people in this community, people who knew him, the lunatic running around with a gun taking lives away, were and are shocked. Now I hate to make light of this tragedy so I won't but I have to ask, were these victims really THAT shocked. The news article I read reported that the shooter was, "well liked by his co-workers." A former high school acquaintance was quoted saying, "He was just friendly with everyone and kind of stayed to himself." Whoa, whoa, whoa! Crazy shootings, after crackhead bombings, after creepy kidnappings, after crazy shootings should have taught us time and time again that the always remembered "friendly" and "quiet" kids are the ones who go on these killing sprees.  Ok, let me explain.  This guy's high school friend said he was friendly and apparently his coworkers said he was well liked.  Was he really?  Really?  Or was he actually the guy everyone secretly thought was going to kill them one day.  Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about.  The crazy guy at work who you are determined to be nice to just so he keeps you off his hit list?  The one who has weird crushes on girls who are much too pretty for him because every pretty girl that he asked out in high school was forced to go out with him by her mother leaving him way overconfident and completely void of real social grace and an inability to accept reality and rejection?  The guy you catch talking to himself in the mirror in 3rd person?  Does this guy spend a lot of time building things in his basement, collecting dead animals and decapitating barbie dolls?  I'm just saying, was this guy really nice or was his high school friend just saying that because she was trying to be nice all the time thinking, "I knew he was crazy.  I saw this coming the day I witnessed him loading a dirty shovel, bloody tarps and black gloves into the back of his curtained van!"  Think about it.   

And just so we don't have to end on creepy thoughts, in an interview recently, Michael Steel, head of the GOP (yeah you know me) said he enjoys listening to a wide range of music including "old school" favorites like "P. Diddy" and "Frank Sinatra" along with the rest of the guys in the "Pack Rat." I know that I LOVE to make stuff up  but I promise, I did not and could not make that up.  Want proof?  Here is a link to the article: http://men.style.com/gq/blogs/gqeditors/2009/03/the-reconstruct.html

That is all.  I'm going to go listen to the Pack Rats and The Jonas Bros and Hoes now.  Later nerds!  

Love,

Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 3/9/09

Mo-Mo Gossip: Turns out Mormon Senator Harry Reid actually writes the blog: whymormongirlsstaysingle.com. Democrats...

This Week in Toys: Barbie turns 50 this year and she's hotter than ever. Seriously, she's burning up; she's a flash of heat. The 50th Anniversary Doll will be named Lady Menopause and will come with a copy of Richard Gere's latest film, "Nights in Rodanthe." Happy 50th!

Musical Politics: Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele are starting a pop duo and will go on a national tour with their first album, "Bringin' Down the Republican Pizarty." Critics predict that Limbaugh and Steele are this generation's Hall and Oates with Steele being the duo's Oates, naturally.

This just in: Rush Limbaugh ate Michael Steele. He's a maneater!

A Look Back in Time: Remember this guy?

I do. Sigh...

Don't worry, Ladies: Dr. Sanjay Gupta won't go into hiding as the U.S. Surgeon General after all. He has withdrawn his name for consideration for the position. Reason why? Way too attractive. Or rather, his wife is having their third child and he doesn't want to take a job that would take him away from his family for the amount of time Surgeon General would require. Ha. I almost had you there. The real fake reason? Little does the world know, he was actually forced to withdraw after being caught smoking pot with Michael Phelps...and Andy Dick, Alec Baldwin, The Jonas Brothers, Joan Rivers and Lady Menopause. Now that is one crazy hot box. By the way, do you think Lady Gaga will change her name to Lady Menopause in a few decades?

For the Foodies: Yobama is the newest most delicious frozen yogurt flavor, coming to Pinkberry across the nation, like way soon.

The End: That's all I've got because I don't have time to write anymore. I gotta a life to live and rumors to discover. Until next time, I'm JK and you're total nerds.

Love,

Jenna Kim

P.S. Please enjoy a few seconds of Hall and Oates singing "Rich Girl." Yeah, I saw them in concert this past weekend. Jealous? You should be.

Sometimes Korean Pop...

...is almost as good as The Spice Girls! I dare say, BETTER than...

Wonder Girls - Nobody
Uploaded by Love-Jpopmusic

You know you loved it. Bathroom humor, dance moves and catchy music! So much better than Beyonce.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Friday slips by...

...before I can tell it how much I love it.

Actually, Friday doesn't mean quite as much as to me anymore. At least not like it did when I could watch TGIF and get my fill of Boy Meets World, Step by Step, etc...because yes, I am that nerdy. Oh please, like you didn't love TGIF. Best TV ever.

Have a GREAT weekend! I might.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Peter Priesthood...

...writes a blog that gets a lot of Mormons all riled up. A new blog (http://whymormongirlsstaysingle.com) has caused an uproar in the Mormon community. How dare these guys, whoever they are, make fun of Mormon girls and singleness! Being single at 23 isn't a laughing matter. Oh wait a minute, yes it is! The single life is awkward and the Mormon single life is even more awkward because we (That's right, did you forget? I'm Mormon too!) are commanded to get married ASAP! So the longer we remain single, the longer we are reminded of our failure to multiply and replenish the earth. Oh snap. That IS funny.

Since its birth in January, the blog has had over 70,000 hits and been featured in two different news articles and now my blog. Oh snap again. This "why your single" blog wasn't the only blog featured in these articles. Apparently there are other Mormon kids, living in MY city, that's New York City, just in case you were wondering, who write these "popular" blogs that have been featured in the news. I'm offended that I wasn't included in these articles. Oh wait, my blog isn't popular. But explain this to me: how is it possible that a girl who writes posts about "husband" and cupcakes gets 2,000 hits today and I'm lucky to break even. And by break even, I mean, more people check my blog than I do during the day. Ugh. Tell your friends, sometimes I'm funny and sometimes I'm Mormon. Fine, I'm funny all the time. Do I really have to resort to exploiting my faith just to catch your eye? Or should I put on a shorter skirt? Apparently I'm getting desperate. I'm single and almost 23! Help!

So all those unengaged Mormon girls enraged about the blog examining all the funny reasons you're still single, relax. Laugh at yourself or your pathetic roommate who's a sucker for a booty call, pretends to like "girls night out" and overbears her testimony. It's FUNNY!!! And if it makes you feel any better, the guys who write it are probably gay.

I love the online world. Now let's go glitter my twitter. (What did I just type...)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes a love punch in the stomach...

...brings two people back together. Rihanna and Chris Brown are reconciling after he love tapped her face in a couple weeks ago. People keep asking, "Can you believe Rihanna is getting back together with Chris Brown?"

Duh, of course I can! I've seen this Lifetime movie a thousand times before. Fortunately for Rihanna, Tori Spelling is white. Although, Robert Downy Jr. did play a black man in Tropic Thunder. That's it! Tori Spelling and Robert Downey Jr. star in "Young, Famous and Angry: The Chris Brown and Rihanna Saga." Oh man, Cuba Gooding Jr. is going to be SO mad.

Speaking of love punch, Obama keeps punching us with his love. Even as the Dow continues to crash and burn after his falsely optimistic non-State of the Union addresse(s) (Did you know he's going to cure cancer?), President Obama has still managed to maintain a 60% approval rating. I'm not blaming him for the downhill spiral we're in but it is quite impressive how much people will love him in such turmoil even if he's only been in office for six weeks. If I could just take a second to address Obama curing cancer; I'm pretty sure that the sound of his voice actually melts cancer away. I had this weird mole and I soaked it in one of his speeches...I mean, nevermind (TMI?). Oh come on, Michael Jackson will announce a comeback tour before Obama cures cancer and our cancerous economy. Wait a minute...what's that? This morning Michael Jackson announced that he's performing a few more shows before he retires? Holy holy crap, Obama, you're amazing. Even with a failing economy, steadily increasing unemployment rate, Chris Brown and Rihanna's dysfunction, Michael Jackson's come back, and the plethora of bad Lifetime movies, the world's love of President Obama will see us through (along with some of those Lifetime movies and Sunchips in my case). Tomorrow Prez Obama could love punch us by announcing that puppies will cease to exist, birthday cake is against the law and Osama Bin Laden is his uncle and we'd still make out with his stimulus package. Whoa, I mean, we'd still like him. What?

I could go for some spiked love punch (after reading this, you might think I already had some). I could totally get love drunk and get you love drunk off my lovely lady lumps, I mean humps, krumps, lumps??? Oh Fergie, I don't understand your lyrics.

(I'm obsessed with punching. It has got to stop.)

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes I hear about things...

...like FRIED COKE and my mind goes "Kaboom!"

I don't understand how the country and the world could be such a mess right now when there are things like fried coke to make people happy! I mean, how many countries in the world would think, "Hey, let's fry coca cola. That seems like a good idea." None. There are no countries like that. "Kaboom," America is awesome???

America is in deep fried trouble.

(Meanwhile, in my mind: "Mmm, fried coke. You, yes, you over there. YOU probably shouldn't eat that. Now where can I find this 'fried coke.'")

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 3/2/09

This is a new weekly post, coming to you straight from my brain, weekly (Did I say that already?). Today's focus: Celebrities. Next week: Politicians. The week after: Monkeys?

These are fake rumors that you won't find in any celebrity gossip magazine and/or website. (Jealous?)

Hard to Believe It: Ashlee Simpson's old nose sold for $52 on e-bay yesterday. Yes, I bought it. So what?

OMG!: Jessica Simpson is still fat. She's been seen eating Cold Stone Creamery, Burger King and Tony Romo, excuse me, Romas.

Relationship Gossip: It turns out that Oprah finally left Stedman...for a sweet potato.

For the Musically Inclined: Every person who purchased Lil' Wayne's album last year was infected with herpes. Yikes. Every person who purchased Miley Cyrus's album last year was infected with stupid. Huh?

This Just In: Cher is dead. She's been dead for nearly a decade. Like the couple in Florida who cloned their puppy for $155,000, the gay community had Cher cloned for $200,000. That's still less than what she spent on plastic surgery when she was alive.

Most Wanted: Beyonce was stabbed with a stiletto by dance alter ego Sasha Fierce. Sasha fled the scene. If you see someone who looks like Beyonce, beware, she is not Beyonce. Sasha is as fierce as her last name Fierce (Both are pronounced the same). If I were you, Tyra, I would hide because she's coming for you next.

The Latest Religious Fad: Lindsay Lohan is converting to Judaism. (This is a true rumor.) But after she made it "official" on her facebook page, an audible sigh was heard from religions across the world. The Pope was actually quoted saying, "Take her. She's all yours." Seriously, check his twitter.

FYI: Matthew McConaughey = Crotch rot

Lunch was canceled today due to lack of hustle. Name that movie and I'll bake you a pie...and eat it too. Remember, I'm JK and you're all nerds!

Love,

Jenna Kim