...thoughts. Before each of my siblings were married, my mom, up until the night before the wedding, even minutes before, would tell them, "You don't have to do this. You can back out at any minute."
I wonder how Barack feels on the eve of his inauguration. Is he sure that he really wants to be president?
Listen Barack, if you need to, you can back out. If you feel nervous or worried like something isn't right, you don't have to do this. If the country is way too jacked up for you to deal with, now is your chance to escape the bonds of Presidency. Get out while you still can: it's summertime in Australia, it's always hot in Thailand and not only is it always beautiful in Bermuda but you never have to wear shoes! Carefree fun in the sun!
Shoot, I wouldn't want to be president right now (or ever).
Good luck, dude.
Change is coming or so we hope!
Love love,
Jenna
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sometimes plane crashes...
...have happy endings for everyone. Well, almost everyone.
R.I.P. Flock of Geese
Yesterday, about five minutes after I sent an e-mail complaining about how bored I was at work, a plane crashed into the Hudson River, literally a block from my work. I immediately sent another e-mail apologizing for what my boredom caused as I watched 155 people be rescued from a sinking plane.
I've been watching the news all day, as usual, listening to accounts from passengers on the plane in yesterdays "Miracle on the Hudson."
There is one "survivor" in particular, whose stories get better and better. With every interview, his story became more heroic-ly cliche. "Women and children were the first to get off. People were panicking but I tried to keep calm." I kept waiting for him to announce when his new album was going to drop or give us his blogspot address. Maybe there is a special someone out there he is trying to impress? He had a big day but did he really have to wear that hat?
I know, I know, I shouldn't judge, he had a hard day, blah blah blah. But everyone is a critic, so don't judge me! The day after the Golden Globes, I found myself and a couple of my co-workers sitting in front of a computer looking at pictures of all the celebs glammed out on eonline.com. Each of us had an opinion. And really, do we deserve to have an opinion about the fashion choices of celebrities? Do we have the right to judge celebrities at all?
Yes.
So let's talk about Beyonce. She looked fantastic at the Golden Globes. She's quite stunning when she's standing in one place. But when that beauty decides to "sing" and "dance," something happens and I have to stop and ask, "What is going on?!?" I've actually seen her perform live and I was so concerned, I nearly called 911. When she dances, is she actually that uncoordinated, having a seizure or just trying to get water out of her ears? And when she sings, is it necessary for her to eat the microphone? I can't imagine that settles well in the stomach. I promise, Beyonce, your microphone is not a donut. It is a piece of technology that projects your voice for you. There is no reason to scream. Anyway, at least she looked good at the Golden Globes.
Hey, guess what? Mall Cop came out in theaters today. Woot, woot! I guarantee it's better than Bride Wars, which I may or may not have seen last weekend.
Lastly, before I leave to do something much less productive, I have decided who I would like to punch in the face. (For those of you who don't know, it is a lifelong desire of mine to punch someone in the face.) The lucky recipient of my power punch is someone who I've grown to despise the last few months. Everyday at 3:00 PM, I cringe as his voice fills the room. Who am I talking about? Mr. Rick Sanchez of CNN. He is the absolute worst. The worst. I'd rather watch Beyonce perform a million times if that meant I never had to listen to that man again. He makes me detest my own generation for using twitter, myspace and facebook in his attempt to use them. On one of his many unfortunate episodes, he allowed himself to be tasered. You know what? He'd probably let me punch him willingly for the sake of "journalism." How that has to do with journalism, I have no idea. Yet he would claim that it did.
So plane crashes, Beyonce, Mall Cop and Rick Sanchez. I'm a total hater today, my friends. But hey, at least I'm not bored?
Love love,
Jenna
R.I.P. Flock of Geese
Yesterday, about five minutes after I sent an e-mail complaining about how bored I was at work, a plane crashed into the Hudson River, literally a block from my work. I immediately sent another e-mail apologizing for what my boredom caused as I watched 155 people be rescued from a sinking plane.
I've been watching the news all day, as usual, listening to accounts from passengers on the plane in yesterdays "Miracle on the Hudson."
There is one "survivor" in particular, whose stories get better and better. With every interview, his story became more heroic-ly cliche. "Women and children were the first to get off. People were panicking but I tried to keep calm." I kept waiting for him to announce when his new album was going to drop or give us his blogspot address. Maybe there is a special someone out there he is trying to impress? He had a big day but did he really have to wear that hat?
I know, I know, I shouldn't judge, he had a hard day, blah blah blah. But everyone is a critic, so don't judge me! The day after the Golden Globes, I found myself and a couple of my co-workers sitting in front of a computer looking at pictures of all the celebs glammed out on eonline.com. Each of us had an opinion. And really, do we deserve to have an opinion about the fashion choices of celebrities? Do we have the right to judge celebrities at all?
Yes.
So let's talk about Beyonce. She looked fantastic at the Golden Globes. She's quite stunning when she's standing in one place. But when that beauty decides to "sing" and "dance," something happens and I have to stop and ask, "What is going on?!?" I've actually seen her perform live and I was so concerned, I nearly called 911. When she dances, is she actually that uncoordinated, having a seizure or just trying to get water out of her ears? And when she sings, is it necessary for her to eat the microphone? I can't imagine that settles well in the stomach. I promise, Beyonce, your microphone is not a donut. It is a piece of technology that projects your voice for you. There is no reason to scream. Anyway, at least she looked good at the Golden Globes.
Hey, guess what? Mall Cop came out in theaters today. Woot, woot! I guarantee it's better than Bride Wars, which I may or may not have seen last weekend.
Lastly, before I leave to do something much less productive, I have decided who I would like to punch in the face. (For those of you who don't know, it is a lifelong desire of mine to punch someone in the face.) The lucky recipient of my power punch is someone who I've grown to despise the last few months. Everyday at 3:00 PM, I cringe as his voice fills the room. Who am I talking about? Mr. Rick Sanchez of CNN. He is the absolute worst. The worst. I'd rather watch Beyonce perform a million times if that meant I never had to listen to that man again. He makes me detest my own generation for using twitter, myspace and facebook in his attempt to use them. On one of his many unfortunate episodes, he allowed himself to be tasered. You know what? He'd probably let me punch him willingly for the sake of "journalism." How that has to do with journalism, I have no idea. Yet he would claim that it did.
So plane crashes, Beyonce, Mall Cop and Rick Sanchez. I'm a total hater today, my friends. But hey, at least I'm not bored?
Love love,
Jenna
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sometimes I think I'd like to be remembered...
...as a trailblazer. Isn't that what everyone wants?
That's what Roland Burris wants (If you don't know who Roland Burris is, please return to earth and watch the news immediately). And that is why he made himself a mausoleum with all of his major (and not so major) accomplishments carved on it. You know he's still living, right? Right. And Mausoleum's are for dead people, right? Right.
I don't know about you but I totally get it. What if he died and someone forgot to mention that he was first African American Foreign Exchange Student to go to Germany? He'd have to haunt that little kid who sees dead people for help. As if that little kids know how to chisel granite, right?
Well this whole situation has me thinking, pondering, wondering, dreaming, etc. What have I accomplished? What would I carve into my mausoleum?
Since I'm not dead yet, my mausoleum is currently located on my mom's front lawn. You can see if for free, touch it for $2.00 and sign it for $5.00. All profits will be donated to my soon to be renamed Ninja Fund.
Love,
Jenna
That's what Roland Burris wants (If you don't know who Roland Burris is, please return to earth and watch the news immediately). And that is why he made himself a mausoleum with all of his major (and not so major) accomplishments carved on it. You know he's still living, right? Right. And Mausoleum's are for dead people, right? Right.
I don't know about you but I totally get it. What if he died and someone forgot to mention that he was first African American Foreign Exchange Student to go to Germany? He'd have to haunt that little kid who sees dead people for help. As if that little kids know how to chisel granite, right?
Well this whole situation has me thinking, pondering, wondering, dreaming, etc. What have I accomplished? What would I carve into my mausoleum?
Jenna Kim Jones
Best Trailblazer Ever
R.I.P.
- Could have been a celebrity in Thailand
- Student of the Month - January 1997
- American Express Card Member since June 2007
- Lifetime Stats: Won 17 games of BINGO, 13 games of Uno and 1 round of Scum.
- 2nd Place in Carnival Cruise Karaoke Competition
- Asian Club Treasurer
Since I'm not dead yet, my mausoleum is currently located on my mom's front lawn. You can see if for free, touch it for $2.00 and sign it for $5.00. All profits will be donated to my soon to be renamed Ninja Fund.
Love,
Jenna
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Sometimes I fall off the wagon...
...but can you really blame me? Oprah fell off the wagon too. Let's blame her! Thankfully, I didn't fall off the wagon in the Land of Letting Myself Completely Go (that's right folks, Christmas is over and my jeans still fit) like Ms. O. No, I landed somewhere in between the Land of Lazy, Busy, Blah, Blah, Blah and the Island of No Good Excuse for Not Writing on my Blog. Ugh, I'm like so totally lame! Forgive me? Great. Let's move on because this chica is back on the wagon.
It's 2009!
Whooptie-Woo!
But seriously, I can't believe 2008 is over. It was another successful year for almost everyone except for the majority of home owners across the country, most investment banks, American Auto Makers, Republicans, Jesse Jackson and economies around the world!
Here are a few of the good things that happened:
1. College Graduation starring Jenna: a true story so it's time you finally believe me
2. WebMD was wrong: brain infection, kidney failure and tumors in various parts of my body were all false alarms--Sorry Mom
3. The invention of Garden Salsa Sun Chips: a true gift to the world but mostly my stomach
4. The Barack-Attack: pronounced Barawk-Attauwk
5. China wowed the world: wins Gold in everything from diving, archery and forged birth certificates
6. Finally, he's officially guilty: OJ's Jury wrote the book called, "No Ifs About It: He Did It, We Know How and He's Going to Jail."
Yep, quite a year.
Oh and before I go, I want to ask you one thing:
Are we human? Or are we dancer?
Love,
Jenna
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sometimes people mistake me for...
...a pretty person. Sometimes not.
Most recently, an East Village hippie hipster mistook me for a homeless person. As I stood on the corner waiting for the little white man to give me the go ahead, the hipster came up to me, mentioned the cold weather, hard times and offered me his left over entree from a "delicious vegetarian place down the street." Really? Really? Excuse me, but do I look like...
...a vegetarian? Hells no.
Then I went to McDonald's and ate two Big Macs just to make sure I wasn't.
Maybe I should take a shower and stop wearing that sign around my neck that says, "Homeless. Family was killed by Ninjas. Need money to take Ninja lessons." That or I should add, "Also NOT a vegetarian."
Love,
Jenna
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sometimes our hearts are softened...
...and I'm a changed woman.
Fact: I've never respected Star Trek. I love making fun of those weirdo kids who speak trekie language and go to conferences to nerd each other and the rest of the guests at the Holiday Day Inn out.
Confession: If anyone could change my mind about Star Trek, it's J.J. Abrams. The preview for his new Star Trek movie is AWESOME. There, I said it. I feel so much better. I've been carrying around that guilt bomb for a couple of days now and I couldn't take it anymore.
Folks, I'm excited for the new Star Trek movie.
Watch the preview.
Wow, I'm exhausted. I need to big gulp as soon as possible. (big gulp: verb meaning to drown away all emotions by drinking 32-64 ounces of Diet Coke from 7/11, on the rocks of course. One of the many words that will be in Jenna's Dictionary of Fake and/or Half Words. Coming soon, nowhere near you.)
Love,
Jenna
Fact: I've never respected Star Trek. I love making fun of those weirdo kids who speak trekie language and go to conferences to nerd each other and the rest of the guests at the Holiday Day Inn out.
Confession: If anyone could change my mind about Star Trek, it's J.J. Abrams. The preview for his new Star Trek movie is AWESOME. There, I said it. I feel so much better. I've been carrying around that guilt bomb for a couple of days now and I couldn't take it anymore.
Folks, I'm excited for the new Star Trek movie.
Watch the preview.
Wow, I'm exhausted. I need to big gulp as soon as possible. (big gulp: verb meaning to drown away all emotions by drinking 32-64 ounces of Diet Coke from 7/11, on the rocks of course. One of the many words that will be in Jenna's Dictionary of Fake and/or Half Words. Coming soon, nowhere near you.)
Love,
Jenna
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Sometimes things...
...change.
In honor of the new President, his new Chief of Staff and Sarah Palin's new wardrobe***, I am going to write a post about...
MY NEW ATTITUDE?
NO.
MY NEW LOVE OF HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL...3?
NO.
WHATEVER I WANT?
BINGO.
I guess some things never change.
What's on my mind? Well, it seems that ever since I wrote my facebook post about "the always important because I need to know what you are doing every second status," my blog has been extra popular: the hits keep coming. Why? Because people actually google, "how to write a good facebook status" or "what are interesting facebook status?" or "facebook status about Mondays," etc. Sadly for them, my blog is the only advice they get.
It occurred to me that my warning, you know, the one where I told you facebook was devouring our brains, was true. It seems that facebook has devoured our brains and now that our lives revolve around it, I've made a few more observations.
I'm 100% sure that people still take pictures...but not because they want to remember a special moment, time, person, place or thing. People take pictures so they can post them on facebook.
I'm going to start taking pictures solely with the intent of putting them on facebook. They will be a selection of staged photos compiled in aptly named albums that will "brand" me. You know, make me appear how I want. I will be the best publicist for myself EVER.
I will keep these pictures on a private setting until needed. Then I will share them with our new facebook world.
For example if I am looking for a job, I would pull out one of the following albums so my future boss could look me up and see what a good employee I could be:
Let the picture taking begin!
Love,
Jenna
***Sarah Palin got to keep the clothes she spent $150,000 on during the election as a consolation prize, right? Maybe she's saving them until 2012? Maybe? Huh? Getting a little nervous? This isn't the last of the Palin-ator. She'll be back and next time she is bringing even bigger guns (and probably a couple more kids too).
In honor of the new President, his new Chief of Staff and Sarah Palin's new wardrobe***, I am going to write a post about...
MY NEW ATTITUDE?
NO.
MY NEW LOVE OF HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL...3?
NO.
WHATEVER I WANT?
BINGO.
I guess some things never change.
What's on my mind? Well, it seems that ever since I wrote my facebook post about "the always important because I need to know what you are doing every second status," my blog has been extra popular: the hits keep coming. Why? Because people actually google, "how to write a good facebook status" or "what are interesting facebook status?" or "facebook status about Mondays," etc. Sadly for them, my blog is the only advice they get.
It occurred to me that my warning, you know, the one where I told you facebook was devouring our brains, was true. It seems that facebook has devoured our brains and now that our lives revolve around it, I've made a few more observations.
I'm 100% sure that people still take pictures...but not because they want to remember a special moment, time, person, place or thing. People take pictures so they can post them on facebook.
I'm going to start taking pictures solely with the intent of putting them on facebook. They will be a selection of staged photos compiled in aptly named albums that will "brand" me. You know, make me appear how I want. I will be the best publicist for myself EVER.
I will keep these pictures on a private setting until needed. Then I will share them with our new facebook world.
For example if I am looking for a job, I would pull out one of the following albums so my future boss could look me up and see what a good employee I could be:
- 1st Place at the Birthday Cake Baking Convention
- 95% sure Africa is a continent.
- Punctual Mondays!
- My weekend of Baseball games, hot dogs and action films!
- Look At All of My Ugly Friends.
- My Milkshake
- Annual Quail Hunting Extravaganza - Watch Out or I'll Shootchya!
- Labor Day Weekend at Daddy's 4th House
- Pray for Gays
- Religion is for Republicans
- An Inconvenient Truth Premiere - Because I Get It
- My First Welfare Check
- My [Birthing] Hips Don't Lie
- Babies R Me
- An Aunt Like No Other
- Pics of graffiti in the East Village - Art is Life, Life is Art
- Dirty Hair and Scarves - My New Favorite Indie Band
- My Skinny Jeans are Tighter than Yours
Let the picture taking begin!
Love,
Jenna
***Sarah Palin got to keep the clothes she spent $150,000 on during the election as a consolation prize, right? Maybe she's saving them until 2012? Maybe? Huh? Getting a little nervous? This isn't the last of the Palin-ator. She'll be back and next time she is bringing even bigger guns (and probably a couple more kids too).
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Sometimes I think I want to run a marathon...
...and then I see the New York City Marathon victims limping around the subways with a look of despair in their faces as they make their way home in their spandex shorts wrapped in a blanket.
Really? Is it worth the pain?
Probably. I'm going to start training...tomorrow...after I eat the rest of my Halloween candy.
Love,
Jenna
Really? Is it worth the pain?
Probably. I'm going to start training...tomorrow...after I eat the rest of my Halloween candy.
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sometimes all I think about...
...is this stupid election.
I'm not sure there is anything else going on in the world. But then again, I live in the center of the Universe so if the election is important in NYC, then it must be the only thing worth talking about in this world.
Yesterday, Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina said that McCain would win in North Carolina, a traditionally Republican state, even though the polls show that Obama and McCain are dead even.
Graham said, “He fits North Carolina like a glove. I’ll beat [Olympic gold medalist] Michael Phelps in swimming before Barack Obama wins North Carolina."
Stranger things have happened. And I hear that a 55 year old Senator is the new 22 year old ripped fish-man. Maybe he has webbed toes, rubber limbs and plate hands too? Nah, I've seen this Sen. Lindsey Graham and he's a total Southern Belle, if you know what I mean.
Love,
Jenna
I'm not sure there is anything else going on in the world. But then again, I live in the center of the Universe so if the election is important in NYC, then it must be the only thing worth talking about in this world.
Yesterday, Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina said that McCain would win in North Carolina, a traditionally Republican state, even though the polls show that Obama and McCain are dead even.
Graham said, “He fits North Carolina like a glove. I’ll beat [Olympic gold medalist] Michael Phelps in swimming before Barack Obama wins North Carolina."
Stranger things have happened. And I hear that a 55 year old Senator is the new 22 year old ripped fish-man. Maybe he has webbed toes, rubber limbs and plate hands too? Nah, I've seen this Sen. Lindsey Graham and he's a total Southern Belle, if you know what I mean.
Love,
Jenna
Sometimes picking a Halloween Costume...
...can be very stressful.
This Halloween some of the popular costumes include:
1. Sarah Palin dressed in WalMart's clothing line
2. Tina Fey as Sarah Palin as Tina Fey
3. John McCain before he died
4. Joe the slutty plumber
5. A delinquent mortgage
Here are my options for Halloween Costume this year:
1. A lesbian or Zac Efron
2. A "healthier" version of Cindy McCain
3. Rachael Ray (But not because I look like her...)
4. Two Face: Half Obama Mama, half McCainiac
5. Uh, Apple
What or who are you going to be? Don't tell me. I don't care THAT much unless you are 5 years old or younger.
Best thing about Halloween? Candy, duh. Worst thing about Halloween? Everything else.
Love,
Jenna
This Halloween some of the popular costumes include:
1. Sarah Palin dressed in WalMart's clothing line
2. Tina Fey as Sarah Palin as Tina Fey
3. John McCain before he died
4. Joe the slutty plumber
5. A delinquent mortgage
Here are my options for Halloween Costume this year:
1. A lesbian or Zac Efron
2. A "healthier" version of Cindy McCain
3. Rachael Ray (But not because I look like her...)
4. Two Face: Half Obama Mama, half McCainiac
5. Uh, Apple
What or who are you going to be? Don't tell me. I don't care THAT much unless you are 5 years old or younger.
Best thing about Halloween? Candy, duh. Worst thing about Halloween? Everything else.
Love,
Jenna
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