Sometimes Community...

...looks like a fantastic new TV show coming this fall to NBC.  

I might be very excited about this. 

Check it out:

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes my friends...

...are the best!  Thank you to all of my lovelies who came to the show last night.  It was a GREAT success.  Such a success that some of you weren't able to get in because the show sold out.  I am SO sorry about that.  But never fear, there will be more shows and I do expect to see you there.  

Thanks again, nerd faces.

Love,

Jenna

P.S. It's mother lovin' Mother's Day tomorrow so give your mom(s) a shout out.  I watched my sister give birth last week and uh, you better be giving your mother the recognition she deserves because bringing you into this world was no small task.  Trust me.  It ain't pretty.  

P.S.S. I'm going to see Star Trek tonight. Woot, woot.  I wanna see some Trekkie action.  Seriously, I want to see two  Trekkies fall in love at first sight.  

New York Comedy Club Tonight!

See you suckers there!

Friday May 8th - Super Ego Comedy Showcase!
New York Comedy Club
241 East 24th Street
8 PM SHARP.

$10 cover/2 drink minimum

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes dating websites...

...teach valuable lessons.

If you see what may look like a cute guy on a dating website and the "about me" of his profile says:

"When I meet a girl, I try to make her feel comfortable around me."

Click away as fast as you can.

You try to make her feel comfortable? Well, that's polite but why is this necessary for me to know? Isn't that an understood trait? Shouldn't I assume that you aren't a total a-hole in the first place? Don't we all want to make people feel comfortable around us? Especially on a dating website?

Apparently there are a lot of guys (and probably girls too) who feel the need to emphasize their ability to function normally in society because I have seen this phrase too many times.

You try to make a girl feel comfortable? How noble of you? Wait a minute, try? That isn't exactly absolute. That's like saying, "Don't worry, when I leave the house, I usually wear pants."

I used to think that the sign at fast food restaurants that says, "No shoes, no shirt, no service." were generally for, I don't know, homeless people, hippies, etc but now I'm starting to think that there are actually non-homeless, non-hippie men out there who might just walk into McDonald's without wearing shoes.

After this, I may just have to put "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs in the restrooms at my office.

This kind of obvious commentary can mean one of three things:

1. He's a normal guy trying to emphasize the fact that he's not a psycho (highly unlikely)

or

2. He's a psycho trying to hide the fact that he's a psycho (very likely)

or

3. I try to make a girl feel comfortable is "guy code" for: I won't fart in front of you until the 3rd date OR On our first date, I won't touch your boobs...on purpose.

I'm so tired of reading this "comfortable" line on profiles, it would almost be refreshing to read, "Hey, I'm Johnny and I'm a real douche bag so if I pay for dinner, I expect a little something something in return. And yes, I will try to touch your boobies within 15 minutes of our first date."

You make me feel so comfy. (Is that a Katy Perry song?)

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Bernie Madoff's secretary

...says ridiculous things.

I just read this on Huffington Post:

Bernie Madoff was a sexist, egomaniacal, short-tempered control freak—yet everybody loved him.

How does one become such a lovable a-hole? Do you think Bernie's secretary is afraid he has somebody working for him on the outside? Like she started saying bad things about him and panicked that maybe someday he would get out or send his hit man after her so she ended her statement with, "yet everybody loved him" just so she and her family might sleep peacefully each night?

I hope people say such nice things about me when I die or I'm sentenced to prison for 150 billion years.

That Jenna was a faux-blonde Sunchip addict, wannabe Spice Girl/anal retentive BSB stalker, nerdy blogger, loser girl(?)--yet everybody tolerated her.

(Oh my, I'm complicated. No wonder e-harmony rejected me. Oh yeah, add that to the list too.)

Watch your back, Secretary. He knows what you said, he's pissed and yet somehow it's irresistably charming. I'm blushing! No wonder he was able to steal so much money!

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 5/4/09

Hola Senor(ita) de Mexico: Cinco De Mayo is NOT a holiday based on Mayonnaise. It's a Mexican holiday celebrating Swine Flu. Oh wait, no, it does not celebrate Swine Flu but celebrations of this party holiday have been postponed this year. But not just because of Swine Flu. It's also because there aren't enough Americans in Mexico to celebrate a holiday that isn't their own as another poor excuse to get crunk.

This week in GROSS: VH1 Reality television stars shouldn't be referred to as celebrities of any letter status. They should be referred to as STDs. The she-STD from A Shot of Love and the he-STD from For the Love of Ray J are "dating" and by "dating" we mean, infecting the world with a disease far worse than the Swine Flu, another reality television program.

Latest victim of Swine Flu: Telemundo

Eminem, the whitest rapper of them all: What do Enimem and suburban housewives have in common? An addiction to Vicodin. Come on, Em, you can do better than that! What are you going to do next? Embezzle?

This Just In: Shia LaBeouf and Zac Efron are dueling this afternoon to see which one of them will win the opportunity to take me to Spring Fling. The only rule: stay away from the face. Any hits to the face will result in immediate disqualification. Especially you, Shia. Don't mess with Zac's face.

I'm JK and you are so happy I'm back.

Love,
Jenna

While I'm on blog-cation...

...please sign up for my show!!!  If you don't make reservations, I can't perform.  Do us both a favor and sign up or else.  Trust me, you don't want to see/experience my "else."  

Here are the details:

Friday May 8th - Super Ego Comedy Showcase!
New York Comedy Club
241 East 24th Street
8 PM SHARP.

$10 cover/2 drink minimum

Make reservations at: info@superegocomedy.com OR jenna@jennakimjones.com (If you e-mail the first address, please make sure you tell them you are coming for me or else I won't get the credit.) And if you've made reservations already, would you let me know???  

You better be there with or without the Swine Flu.  

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes life...

...is out of my control.  

I had to rush off to my family in Utah unexpectedly so let me apologize now for not posting the last few days. 

Until next week, I'm on a blog-cation.  I promise I'll be back with another round of my Fake Rumors on Monday (unless of course I post before then...it's hard to live without posting).

Don't feel too lost without me, dweebs.  I miss you.  

Love,

Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 4/27/09

OINK!: On vacation in Mexico, Ms. Piggy was asked not to return to the United States until the Swine Flu outbreak was under control. Mexican police arrested her and as she was thrown into prison she cried, "How dare you call me a swine! This is not my flu. Kermie, save me!" (8 cases of swine flu were diagnosed in Queens. Another reason I never leave Manhattan.)

TV Wedding (tastier than a TV dinner): Spencer and Heidi are tying the knot (tied the knot?) for realz. Their new married life reality show will premiere on Oxygen right after Tori and Dean's show because after destroying Nick and Jessica's marriage, MTV just couldn't bear to ruin another one. Then they'll have a baby, maybe twins or triplets which will land them a deal with TLC if they're lucky. Speaking of lucky, those kids are going to inherit a multi-network reality television show kingdom.

Symptoms of Swine Flu: Oinking, pork cravings, butt like J. Simpson, perma-pig face

The Sunfire Burns Out: GM announced today they are getting rid of the Pontiac line of cars. Apparently they carry Swine Flu...and they're lame...and GM is broke.

It's hot in New York, folks. Spring decided it was too cool for NYC and summer just couldn't wait to show it's sweaty face. The city smells like BO already. Yummy!

I'm JK and you need to wipe the sweat from your upper lip.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes all a good makeover needs...

...is a jacket. Susan Boyle's new makeover is ruffling quite a few feathers. Who knew a makeover meant putting on a leather coat?

Move over Jessica Alba, this singing Scottish sudden superstar went from my elementary school librarian to Madeleine Albright meets Harvey Fierstein. Leather Jackets are the new wonder bra.

What about sequin jackets?



Susan Boyle could totally pull it off and she's never even been kissed. Those girls just look desperate. Especially that chubby blonde one on the right. She's gonna cut somebody.

Love,
Jenna