I'm sorry if your birthday falls on one of the unfortunate days during this unfortunate month. I wish that made me like March better but uh...
Perhaps I'm being a little dramatic. Perhaps March has something to offer besides depression, drunken debauchery and the dreaded tight jeans dance (You know, the dance one must do to put on his/her jeans when his/her said jeans don't quite fit anymore)? Well, I just googled Holidays in March and I'm almost 100% sure that all of these so-called Holidays are fake which means I'm going to have to make up my own holidays to celebrate next March just to make it a little more worth living through.
March 1st: Prank Call the White House Day (Hey, is Simore there? Simore Butts?)
March 4: Listen to Kelly Clarkson Day (Recommended by most doctors to turn that frown upside down.)
March 8th: Wear Your Snuggie to Work Day (*Warning, you will look like a monk who forgot to button up his robe in the back and people will make lame jokes about it ALL day.)
March 10th: Punch Your Girlfriend in the Face Day (brought to you by Chris Brown and Doublemint Gum)
March 1st: Prank Call the White House Day (Hey, is Simore there? Simore Butts?)
March 4: Listen to Kelly Clarkson Day (Recommended by most doctors to turn that frown upside down.)
March 8th: Wear Your Snuggie to Work Day (*Warning, you will look like a monk who forgot to button up his robe in the back and people will make lame jokes about it ALL day.)
March 10th: Punch Your Girlfriend in the Face Day (brought to you by Chris Brown and Doublemint Gum)
March 13th: National Call In Sick Day (There won't be much work to do, if everyone is "sick.")
March 17: St. Danica Patrick's Day
March 20: OPRAH DAY! (On this day, everyone must give one of their favorite things...to me.)
March 21: OPRAH DAY 2! (On this day, everyone must watch The Color Purple, twice.)
March 25: Don't Lose Hope, This Month Is Almost Over Day (On this day, do whatever you can to survive. In my case, I would probably eat an entire large bag of Sunchips.)
March 28: Move Back in with Your Parents Day (Let's face it, the economy isn't looking any better so this scenario seems more likely with every fired GM CEO, drop in the DOW, oh and not to mention the ongoing "Overseas Contingency Operation." Why not make a day out of uhauling it home? While you're there, pull out your old year books and reminisce about your skinnier days. Read old journal entries about the scank you saw kissing your boyfriend after 5th period in the 9th grade. What a wh*re. He was just standing there and she kissed him. Poor guy. AND of course, you have to listen to a mixed tape or two. If anyone knew how to compile the perfect combination of songs to express your innermost teenage angst, it was definitely you.)
March 31st: April Eve (Put your winter clothes away* and do the ancient Mayan dance of Spring.)
*Unless of course, winter has decided not to leave which is the case for most of the Midwest right now.
Wow, I think I made March more depressing. Until next year, forget about your winter blues. Before we know it, I'll be complaining about the heat! I can't wait!
Love,
Jenna
2 comments:
Sigh. A co-worker is sitting right next to me wearing a brown snuggie at this very moment.
So, you made it a lot funnier.
You must not be living in Utah today. I would have loved to pack up my winter clothes at the end of March but that would have made the 3 inches of snow we got overnight really unbearable...... who am I kidding, it's unbearable even with winter clothes. This is why it's almost noon and I refuse to get ready for the day.
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