Why are January and February so "G-dang" depressing? (Yes, I typed G-dang.)
Well...
It's cold (except in SoCal, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it...). Valentine's Day is around the corner. Christmas left everybody fat. Hmm, what else?
Kate Winslet is going to win a million more oscars, for good reason but seriously, how many does she need? (She should melt all of her awards together and make one giant oscar. ) Brad Pitt can make creepy movies about old perverted babies, throw Hurricane Katrina in it for no reason and still recieve more nominations than Slumdog Millionaire. I'm almost 23 and I still misspell the word receive. Ex-Governor Blago (there is no chance of me spelling his real name correctly) is a total freak. Seriously, what is wrong with that man? I think he traded his brain for that hair (Although Oprah could have almost been a Senator). The economy still stinks and it isn't going to get better anytime soon. I have to pay taxes this year. What's next? Are you going to tell me that Pluto isn't a planet or something? Aw, crap. You already told me that. Aaahhh, what else is going on? Don't tell me there's a salmonella outbreak? In peanut butter? I just bought the Costco two pack! The gallon tubs are stored in my closet next to my giant role of bubble wrap, my collection of BBC DVD's and a 12 pack of toothbrushes!
What is wrong with the world???
I need to chill out. I need to find a reason for the season. I need to change my 'tude.
There has to be some good to talk about.
Should I mention that I just ruined two batches of cookies? Oh and technically I lost $100,000 in a bet with my mom yesterday. I say technically because I didn't sign anything so I'm not sure it's legit. If she sues me for her money, I owe her $10 a day for just over 27 years and that doesn't include interest.
Alright, alright, on to the good. Here are some ways to cope with and get through the next couple of months:
1. Indian dancing. Indians, as in, people from India. I just googled "Indian Dancing" and I think I'm supposed to refer to it as Dance in India. I think we all need a lesson from Bollywood, who proves that that dancing in movies makes everybody happy. For example (and I realize this isn't a "Bollywood" movie but it is still set in India): the dancing at the end of Slumdog Millionaire makes the whole story worth it, poop dive and all.
2. Kelly Clarkson has a new single out which sounds pretty much exactly like "Since You've Been Gone." Enjoy Kelly and her new single. You know you loved "Since You've Been Gone." All of you, loved that song, you did and you still do. You know you blast it during the bitter phase of every break up you've had since that song was born. Her new single is called, "My Life Would Suck Without You." Classy and catchy.
3. American Idol started again. Now before you groan because you are SO TOTALLY OVER AI, just think about it this way. For the first month and a half all the show does is highlight the weirdos who the producers have somehow manipulated into thinking are good singers so Simon can then crush their dreams, ambition, spirit, soul, etc. Now you can feel bad for them OR you can realize that there are people out there who are more oblivious to reality, more socially awkward and more unattractive than you are in order to boost your own self esteem/ego. You really are sick. I would never do that because I grew a conscience. Yeah, that's right, I'm better than you. Ha.
4. Now about that Christmas weight. Focus on the good parts that are left on your body unless of course you REALLY let go, in which case, good luck. At least your toes didn't gain weight unless of course they did. Is that even possible? Or at least you can wear that sweater that your aunt gave you that you don't really like but hides a new bulge or two. Or at least you can live in denial and wear those size 4 pants that were obviously sized wrong. Yes, that's the answer. Live in denial. You and Blago.
5. Lastly, tell someone you love him/her unless of course you ACTUALLY love him/her and there's a chance that he/she might not love you back. That is a bad idea. So in fact, maybe you should keep your feelings to yourself for now and just try to be a little nicer to him/her tomorrow. We're not in Kindergarten anymore. If you want his attention, stop hitting and put on a shorter skirt. If you want her attention, don't pull her hair, pull out the cash.
I feel better already! Now where did I put those Sun Chips...
Love love,
Jenna the Cool, according to the Drew who took me to Homecoming in 2003. Thank you Drew, for giving my family more reason to make fun of me. I deserve it. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, please see the comments under the the post titled "Sometimes Plane Crashes...")
I found these glasses at Party City. I didn't buy them. I know, I know. Why would I not buy a pair of sunglasses I'm obviously cool enough to pull off, right? What do you think, Drew?
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