Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 8/12/09

This week, I'm thrilled to talk about the Jonas Brothers of the 90's, the one, the only, Hanson!


The only major difference between The Jonas Brothers and Hanson are their jeans. The Jonas Brothers wouldn't be caught dead wearing in pants with that much sag. Check it out in the single that launched Hanson's career, Mmmbop!

Seriously, the Jonas Brothers should be grateful for these older brothers singing their prepubescent voices out. Unfortunately, Disney Channel wasn't obsessed with teenage pop stars like they are now and Hanson's career wasn't quite as domineering as the JoBros. Don't worry, they still sing together. Just a year ago, they were touring around the US, refusing to sing their hit Mmmbop. Fans were angry but hey, I get it. That song requires the vocal range of Whitney Houston before crack. Even the Chipmunks have a hard time. I know. Because they told me. Yeah, I'm friends with the Chipmunks. Jealous?

My favorite Hanson song? Well to be perfectly honest, I have only ever listened to about four of them. One of those four songs keeps popping up on my ipod and I catch myself tapping my toes and singing along. It's catchy, okay! Enjoy, This Time Around. (This song is obviously from one of their later albums because they are a little more grown up and like, uh, super hot.)

Here's what Hanson looks like this time around...

Mmmmmmbop! Am I right ladies?

Uh oh, I think I like Hanson again. They remind me of Jonathan Taylor Thomas which is NEVER a bad thing. What the heck happened to that boy?

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 8/10/09

Never trust your hair dresser: I went in for a trim and came out looking like Kate Gosselin. Now I know why she's always in such a bad mood.

Straight Up...or Down: Now that Paula Abdul is out of American Idol, Dancing with the Stars is trying to recruit her...to be a contestant...which might be pretty exciting considering she'll probably pass out more often than Marie Osmond. My only concern: she's so used to judging, she'll critique the judges critiques and by critique, of course, I mean incoherently comment on their wardrobe. I wonder how many years it took Paula to learn how to speak Crazy. I heard that Posh Spice is stepping in for Paula on American Idol? So basically, FOX still wanted crazy but they wanted crazy to come with an accent.

XOXO: Tyra and Hillary Duff have both been seen at different times on the set of Gossip Girl recently. I had no idea GG was THAT desperate. Who's next? Dustin Diamond? Donny Osmond? David Hasselhoff? Daisy from Daisy of Love? Gossip Girl, I feel like I don't even know you anymore!

Hurts So Good: Joe Jonas is single again. I'm going to use him to get closer to his younger brother, Nick. Just call me Jenna Cougar.

Love,
Jenna Jonas, I mean, Jones

Happy August?

I'm sorry that I haven't blogged this week. Don't worry, I will make it up to you, I promise. Over the past few days, I've been overwhelmed, under the weather and to make it even worse, John Hughes passed away today.

John who, you say? John Hughes, the master writer and director of every good movies in the 80's, had a heart attack this morning. I am more upset by this than Michael Jackson's death.

He was such a great writer! And he made our childhood so much fun! Home Alone, The Breakfast Club, European Vacation, The Great Outdoors, Sixteen Candles, Mr. Mom. Dennis the Mennis??? Without that movie, I would never be able to look anyone in the eyes cross-eyed and say, "Uh Apple." (Only my family and a few friends will understand what I'm talking about unless you've seen the movie and already know the reference. If we ever meet or speak in person, I'll show you.)

Anyway, here are my favorite lines from the movie Uncle Buck in a scene between John Candy and Maculay Culkin:

Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother alright.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.

Amazing.

Thanks, John. I'm watching The Breakfast Club this weekend! Who's with me?!?

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes the President gets crunk...

...with a professor and a cop! How's the hangover, Obama? Did you totally bro it out over some brewskies? You guys going biking next week? Maybe catch a game of bowling down in the basement of the White House? Shoot some hoops? Talk about your wives and their crazy PMS shenanigans? Smoke some weed?

Man, I wish I got to hang out with the president. Ah, racism, bringing people closer to the president one stupid arrest at a time.

It's been a weird race week. Glenn Beck claims Obama is racist. Obama is the middle man between the white cop and the black professor. I just found out I'm actually Korean and Jewish. Wait, that's not true.

Speaking of Jews (Did that sound racist?), last night, while waiting in line at The Shake Shack, a young female was standing in a little huddle with her friends when she said (and I promise she said this, I wrote it down): "I grew up a hippie Christian. For years, I wanted to be a pastor. But now I'm an Atheist Jew."

Whaaa? The world is one confusing place, I guess. Obama's bro-ing it out with two dudes who obviously don't like each other, someone in NYC actually thinks it's possible to be a Christian turned Jew who doesn't believe in God and I had to spend my entire week hearing about it. Thank goodness I'm so normal. I'm a normal joke telling lactose intolerant Mormon who hates feet and wants you to follow me on twitter just so I can have more followers than Larry King's wife. Totally normal.

And that is all I have to say, 4 realz.

Love,
Jenna

P.S. If you are in NYC and want to see me make a fool of myself, come watch me tell jokes tomorrow night, Saturday, August 1st (eek it's August!), 7 PM at Broadway Comedy Club (53rd b/t 8th and 9th afternoon). If I like you, know you and you think I'm funny, we can totally hang out after. If you can't come to my show, follow me on twitter. Do it! http://www.twitter.com/jennakimjones

FINALLY!

I will be buying People Magazine this week.



I love the last line in the cover, "...what is really going on and what they think of each other now." Seeing as Screech the Creep was left out, I can imagine what they think of him.

Love,
Jenna

Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 7/29/2009

They're Back! They're Back! They're Back!



They reunite approximately every two years so they really don't get very far. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled every time they return. I'm just not surprised. To all those 13 year old girls out there, what The Jonas Brother mean to you, are exactly what the Backstreet Boys mean to me. I'll always love them.

Whatever, I'm normal.

Love,
Jenna

P.S. Yesterday, I met Spinal Tap. It was awesome! Those guys are hilarious. They appeared on TDS and I was able to speak with the band for a second backstage. What a day! Click here to watch!

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 7/27/09

You're Too Ugly For My Ears: "Sarah Palin is only interesting because she's got sex appeal. America has never seen such an attractive female politician. In a few years, she won't be as attractive and we'll stop listening to her. " - some guy on CNN (I'm paraphrasing, of course.) Wait a minute, Americans only listen to attractive political female figures? Condi and Hillary and Madeline are flattered.

Heavily Armed Woman: Madonna has nasty arms. Apparently the rest of America discovered that this week, even though I've been talking about them for what seems like forever. Do you think she is training for something? Like J. Lo in Enough? Is she going after Guy Ritchie? Run, Guy, run! That movie not end well for the man.

Candy is good for you, finally: As you've probably heard, blue M&M's help cure AIDS. Oh wait, I'm sorry, I got that wrong. They can help with back problems? Sure. It's actually the blue dye that helps. So drink up the blue die and your back will feel brand new. Who cares that you'll turn bright blue like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? I mean, if you're cool with people asking, "Why so blue?" every four minutes, by all means, go for it. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Do you ever see a person and think they look smelly? That's how I feel about Anne Hathaway. And Matthew McCounaughey. Though we all know he smells because he lives outside, on purpose, and he refuses to wear deodorant. Who else smells? Monique probably smells like carbs. And Janice Dickenson smells like a hot glue gun. I bet Cameron Diaz's feet smell. Miley Cyrus smells annoying. And the Jonas Brothers smell like purity, chastity and fine, I'll stop. Oh I'm so mean today!

My newest nickname at work is Jenna Cakes. Does that make me sound fat?

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes youtube...

...makes a comeback in my life. I haven't spent much time watching videos on youtube, except for Backstreet Boy's newest single, "Straight Through My Heart." OMG, I love them. Anyway, there have been a few videos that have gone "viral" or so they say, that I have enjoyed. I especially liked this one as I am a huge fan of all things literal. Check out this video of "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Whoever created this little gem, replaced the lyrics with a description of what is happening in this video, which if you remember, is super bizarro. I particularly love the part about Ninjas because we all know that I think Ninjas are hilarious and friggin' kool. For realz.



You should see the literal dance moves I came up with for the new boy band V-Factory's single, Love Struck. No really, you should.

Love,
Jenna

Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 7/22/09

Do you love white overalls? Yes, diggity! Then you'll love Blackstreet! I'm bringing them back, baby. And don't worry, if you don't like white overalls, they wear denim overalls too.

I heard this song the other night at dinner and found myself singing just about every line of the song. I didn't know I liked it so much!



Blackstreet is no Backstreet...they're much cooler. The group was formed in 1992 and since broke up, but I heard rumors that last year, they reunited and are working on another album. At least that's what Wikipedia told me.

No diggity doubt this song will be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Nick Lachey...

...is back on the market! This is my chance, ladies and gentlemen, to woo Nick Lachey into my life. But how? I thought you'd never ask!

First of all, let me just tell you that Jessica Simpson and I have all the right things in common and we all know that Jessica Simpson was his first love. J. Simpson and I are both:

1. "fat"
2. blonde
3. bad luck in the best way, of course
4. confused by "Chicken of the Sea"

Thankfully, I don't pretend to be as stupid as she is--she's a secret genius. Which I guess is just another thing she and I have in common, minus the secret. Everybody knows I'm genius or at least suspects it. It's natural.

So...Nick lives in NYC. I live in NYC. He likes sports. I would love to pretend to love sports. He likes girls. I'm happy he likes girls. Sure, he's 12 years older than me. And I may listen to Disney Channel stars when I'm not listening to his glorious voice but I'm like super duper mature for my age for sure.

We'll probably run into each other at Duane Reade and the rest will be history. Then I'll have to erase this post.

Whatever, I'm normal.

Love,
Jenna