Sometimes dreams...

...do come true. Watching this made me feel all silly like a little girl again. I'm still blushing. Man, I love(d) Zach Morris.



Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 6/8/09

OUCH! - Sonia Sotomayor fractured her ankle when she "tripped" in the La Guardia airport.  More like slipped on a banana peel, if you ask me.  I smell foul play.  Sounds like the Janitor "forgot" to put the yellow slippery when wet cone on the slippery wet floor.  VERY suspicious...

Baby Mama - Madonna is adopting a present for her new 23 year old boyfriend and it's not a puppy.  Courts in Malawi are allowing her to adopt another child.  Why?  Madonna beat the entire government in an arm wrestling championship.  

Takin' It Easy - Apparently, Vancouver is the easiest city to live in the world.  Followed by cities in Australia, Thailand, New Zealand, Switzerland, pretty much everywhere in the world except New York City, which was found no where on the list, giving me one more excuse to complain about my life.  Booyah.  

Love Lost - My best friend Miley broke up with her old yuckie boyfriend.  Although she's sad, she said to me earlier when we were g-face-twitter-chatter-blogging, "I'm like sad but whatever, you know?  We are just going to focus on our own stuff and like maybe we can talk and stuff.  It's not like we're going to stop following each other on twitter or something.  I mean, we're not in high school, well, I mean, I should be but like whatever.  My daddy teaches me everything I need to know anyway."  

I'm JK and it was quite a b-day.  I think a special thank you is in order!

Love,

Jenna

Thanks, Chuck.

I was awkward growing up. Get over it. At least my family loves me. Thanks for the awesome Birthday gift, Janae and Chuck. I love you guys.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes birthdays are shared...

...with friends you never knew you had. Today is my birthday but I'd like to say Happy Birthday to a few others who are lucky enough to celebrate on this very important day with me.

Kanye, Madame Joan Rivers, Jerry Stiller, I just want to say, Happy Birthday! Thanks for being alive all these years. You are the best possy a girl could ask for. We'll be clebrating, me and my besties, the four musketeers, later tonight at our favorite classy Italian place, maybe you've heard of it, The Olive Garden in Times Square. Unlimited salad and breadsticks for $5.99? That's a birthday present in itself.

I can't believe I'm 32. Wait, that's not right, I meant 23. For some reason, the number 23 (gross) rubs me the wrong way so we'll just have to wait and see what this year has in store for me. If you have any presents you want to get rid of, I'll take them.

Love,
Jenna

Want to know a little bit more about me?

Here is your chance.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I think about...

...what it might be like to be pregnant. Let me tell you, it is GREAT first date conversation.

My sister recently had her second child but while she was still pregnant, a stranger standing in line with her at the GAP, struck up a conversation and proceeded to feel up my sister's belly.* Why do people think it's okay to grope a pregnant woman? When I'm pregnant, I'm going to give unsolicited commentary about other people's most obvious physical traits. That's right, baldy! Oh hey, what's up, clown feet! Look, it's Toucan Sam!

Do these belly rubbers think that the pregnant woman hasn't noticed? "Um, ma'am, I think you might be pregnant." Thank you Dr. Stupid, I'm sure she had no idea why her stomach was enormous, HUGE, like a ginormous grapefruit. (I really know how to be sensitive.)

Have you ever met a pregnant woman? They are emotional. I walked in on my sister crying during an episode of Scrubs. She looked at me, threw the remote in my direction and said, "It's just so sad!"* With that in mind, do you really need to point out the fact that their stomachs are exploding? You might as well just say, "From the looks of that stomach, you've probably gained 40 pounds! Are you sure there aren't two or three babies in there?"

Maybe you don't realize she's pregnant? Maybe you think she's playing a game called, "Guess what I'm hiding under my shirt?" A bowling ball? A giant magic eight ball? You can't shake her stomach when you have a question and receive an answer via bellybutton. "Ask again later! Could you meet me here later? I really need an answer."

Her belly won't bring you good luck. If you rub it, a blue Robin Williams genie will not pop out singing catchy songs and grant you three wishes.

Don't worry, frienemies, I'm guilty of rubbing a few tummies in my day.

Jenna: "What is this, a tumor?"
Pregnant Austrian Tourist: It's not a tumor!

Someday I might be a mother and I'll look down at my pregnant belly and think that in just a few years, my son will be sitting on the couch farting the national anthem, eating a Baconnaise sandwich. (If I set my expectations low, my future children just might exceed them.)

Until then, hanging out with pregnant ladies is exhausting. You can't let her do anything in public or people think you are a big jerk. I have to carry bags, open doors, tell her she looks SO skinny in a dress that you can barely tell she's 8 months pregnant with twins. Sound familiar boys? After spending a day with a pregnant woman, I have a whole new appreciation and empathy for my future husband, Shia...OR Zac.

Why do I have so much to say about pregnancy? Well I have 3 brothers, 2 sisters, 2 half brothers, 5 nieces and 2 nephews. Get my drift? But no I will not be adding to those stats...not for a long while. Yikes!

Love,
Jenna

*Story may or may not be made up for comedic purposes. Just keep on reading, sugarlips.

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 6/1/09

June is busting out all over! Are you? Pants a little tight? Thank goodness National Hamburger Month is over, am I right, carnivores?

This Just In: The band Sugar Ray (I know you remember those guys) has officially been banned from the Radio forever. For years, Sugar Ray's deal with the devil has given their music thousands of hours of air time but as of midnight last night, the contract was up and the devil wasn't interested in a renegotiation. The Radio DJ Association is thrilled saying in a press release, "Their lame wanna be pop punk music of the 90's has haunted our lives, polluted our brains and caused 3-4 car pile ups on highways for too many years." I, too, am absolutely relieved. I nearly ran over someone in Utah last week when I heard, "I just wanna fly..."

Totally Delicious Diet: Tori Spelling makes her own baby food. But it's not for her kids. It's her new diet called BF&O which stands for Baby Food and Oxygen. You can probably guess, the diet consists of generous portions of baby food and oxygen. It totally works except her head seems to be getting bigger, which is weird.


Fight: Pink and Kanye's feud ended in a knife fight today. Pink won. Duh.

Vampires are so hot right now: The MTV Movie Awards were last weekend. Twilight beat Slumdog Millionaire for best film proving that MTV is a 14 year old girl.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I celebrate...

...my birthday a little early.  Get over it.  For my early birthday celebration, I made this:



Jealous? I would be. Get over it.

Happy Birthday to me (in two weeks)! Don't worry, I'll remind you again.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I love...

...Utah.  Guess what?  I'm in Utah, one of the more beautiful places on earth, spending time with my Mom and a few of my siblings for the week having a GREAT time.  Yes, New Yorkers, that's exactly why the city hasn't felt the same the last few days.  My absence has left a void in your hearts and I know the sailors are mighty disappointed.  Sorry?  Honestly, not really.

Don't worry, I'll try to keep blogging.  And twittering.  And thinking of you.  Until then, be good and eat a lot.  

Love,

Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 5/25/09

Happy Memorial Day! A big loud shout out to all those who have served our lovely country! We are grateful for you! (But listen, Sailors, I know it's fleet week. You are out on the prowl and though I am incredibly impressed that you keep those white suits pristine in a city as filthy as New York City, I'm just not THAT into you. Grateful for you, yes. But no, I will not make out with you.)

In other news...

Really?: Lady Gaga said, "I like boys that look like girls." So...you're a lesbian. No? Fine, write a song about these fem-boys.  G-g-g-g-girly boys/ I like girly boys/G-girly boys

Yikes: Jon & Kate aren't doing so great. Why even bother with a season five that premieres tonight on TLC? Because TLC will have its highest ratings ever...EVER. Seems weird, I thought Baby Story was their highest rated show.  It's kind of crazy they show child birth on television.  It isn't for the faint of heart.  Is that some kind of twisted birth control tactic?  

Beware: You're worried about swine flu? A friend of mine recently travelled to Mexico, ordered a Gatorade and got gator-aids.

FYI: Miley Cyrus is still weird. Still so weird. I follow her on twitter. Oh no, now I'm weird. I should have NEVER admitted that. Oh well, I'm JK. (But you really can totally follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/jennakimjones) Peace out!

Love,
Jenna