...thinks before he speaks.
My dentist in Utah still thinks I'm 14 which is fine, whatever. He's as weird as you'd expect any dentist to be. Perhaps some of you or your parents are dentists. That's great but I never met a dentist who isn't a little bizarro. I think it's all vacation time they get. Dentists are just too relaxed.
Well I thought my old dentist was a goof until I met Dr. Whateveryournameis (I really can't remember his name because even when I was staring at his name tag, I wasn't sure how to even begin to pronounce it) this morning at 8 AM. Because it was my first visit, my dentist wanted to perform my teeth cleaning personally so he could "get to know my mouth." Is that harassment? I can't decide but I'm leaning towards yes. He looked in my mouth, poked at my teeth and gums and then started to feel up my jaw. He was rubbing both sides of my face when he asked, "Have you always had such a strong jaw and such round cheeks?"
Oh dear. I couldn't help what happened next...the words just spewed from my mouth.
You know, Dr. Skelfhsiekbwei, my jaw wasn't always this strong but after years of what I call, stuffing-my-face-strength-training, I'm finally starting to see results. Thankfully, I've got these round cheeks from all that eating to support the strong jaw you've been massaging. Come on, really? Now even my jaw is fat? Listen up, dentist man, I'm big bone. Give me a break, I grew up in a big, strong and...big family. If you wanted to eat, you had to fight for your food and if you didn't end a meal sweaty, you weren't going to survive. So maybe, just maybe, all the chewing strengthened my jaw. And as for my chubby cheeks, well, maybe I retain a lot of water...or I'm tubby. I don't know. You tell me, you're the "doctor."
I sure told him. Okay fine, in reality, I said nothing because my teeth were covered in polish (which, by the way, is never thoroughly rinsed out leaving me with gritty mouth) and there was a hose sucking up any and all moisture in my mouth (I think my tongue started to shrivel up at one point).
Whatever. I like my jaw. And actually, I kind of liked the dentist. He didn't mess around, he's going to fix my teeth, and he takes my insurance. So basically, he's the man and he's going to get to know my mouth whether he likes it or not. Though from the way he was feeling up my jaw, I think he kind of liked it.
Love,
Jenna, the Beached Whale
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
In some cultures a strong jaw means you're the leader of the tribe.
Also, my dentist told me how hot I looked and kissed me on the cheek when he was finished. Did I mention he is a man? Well, either way it's the only ego boost I had all week. So, sort of the opposite of your experience.
Post a Comment