BABY GOT BACK: The more bounce in your booty, the more jiggle in your wiggle, the more junk in your trunk: THE LONGER YOU LIVE and you're probably one of those rap guy's girlfriend. According to a study done up in "Canada" (keep reading...you'll like Canada after this) carrying a few extra pounds around i.e. being a little "chubby" adds years to your life. If you love life, which you obviously do if you are already chubby, then stay chubby and you might get to enjoy it a little longer with your best friend cheesecake and his much different and equally delicious cousin cheese fries. No wonder skinny people are so miserable. They have no fatty food friends. After reading this study, Hollywood Celebrities are going on strike until they are allowed to eat again which seems weird to me because I'm pretty sure once you reach FAME, you're going to live forever.
NOW HIRING CELIBACY: Get paid to NOT have sex without becoming a Nun! In Greensboro, North Carolina, teenage girls are being paid to NOT get pregnant. Seriously. Every day you don't get pregnant, you get $1.00. Good for you! You didn't have sex and get pregnant! The money goes into an interest-bearing college fund that the winners collect if they don't have a baby when they graduate from high school. However, if you and whoever can't keep your clothes on you get pregnant, not only will your hard earned money be divided evenly among the other ladies but you will also be silently judged. If you drop out of high school completely, you actually have to pay $1.00 for every day you missed because you were with child. How 'bout them apples? If you are interested in earning $1.00 a day and you live in North Carolina and would like more information click here.
When you become a politician and you sneak away on a cruise with your girlfriend, don't come back. We're over it.
Love,
Jenna
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