Sometimes I like food...

...a lot.

Is there something wrong with a person who wakes up in the morning and thinks about what she should eat, then gets to work and thinks about lunch, and then gets home from work and thinks, "What is the maximum I could eat without gaining any weight?" and then proceed to eat too much anyway?

If so, I really think you need help.

Oprah told me once, "You have to eat to live but you really shouldn't live to eat." That's an idea, I guess. Then again, should I really take eating advice from a woman whose weight has fluctuated more than Pam Anderson's marriage status? And lately, whose weight has steadily increased faster than my credit card debt? Gas prices and Oprah's weight: which one is more like to go down? And if so, is this really in the foreseeable future or are we doomed to pretend to go green with hybrid vehicles and stare at O Magazine covers thinking, "She is definitely not THAT skinny," forever?

Ok, you know what? I love food I do. Maybe I should just get fat and see what happens. Maybe people would think I was funnier and I could, along with Mo'Nique, make an entire career out of insulting skinny girls.

If I were forced to get fat, I would eat a lot of french fries and onion rings. More than I do now. I would also eat Taco Bell. A lot of it.

So let's just get this out in the open. I love Taco Bell. Yes, I know the ground beef comes out of a plastic bag and could potentially be made of rat meat. Yes, I know that there's a chance I might get hepatitis or some kind of tape worm from contaminated tomatoes. Of course, I understand that eating there places me at the bottom of the fast food food chain. If I have to put my life in my own hands to eat at Taco Bell, so be it. If it makes you feel any better, I do have one rule about Taco Bell. The TB Golden Rule: Never ever ever eat a bean burrito after 11 PM. I repeat: no bean burritos after 11 PM. Trust me. And trust my bowels.

Fast food is good. I wish everyone would just be open about it. You love it, your neighbor loves it, and you know what? I bet Barack Obama likes it. If Barack and Oprah ate at Wendy's tomorrow, oh who am I kidding, it's not even worth dreaming about. But seriously, can you imagine?

Actually, let me tell you a little bit about fast food in general.

You love it. Yes, you love it. Let me explain to you why you love it.

Imagine a time when you are far far away, in another country that may as well be another planet and you're exhausted after a long day of getting lost on your way to packed tourist destinations where you paid $5.00 for a bottle of water and took 50 pictures that you think make you look fat but will inevitably be posted on facebook anyway because you want to prove to your friends and future lovers that you've traveled the world all the while you are praying that the next person you speak to sounds like they are from Kansas and then...you see a McDonald's in the distance. You run for those golden arches, those crisp and skinny french fries, those little hamburgers with diced onions as fast as your exhausted legs and tevo wearing feet can carry you. You glide into that McDonald's like you own the world beacuse you are sure that the BigMac is going to taste like home and even if you can't read the menu you know what it says. You order your American fast food and slurp down that icy soda, sink into your booth, hide your camera and any evidence of a receipt and chew ever so slowly.

See, I told you. You love fast food. It's ok, I do too. (Probably not very comforting...)

My lunch was pretty good today. Lots of protein. I wonder what I should eat for dinner...

Love,
Jenna