Sometimes I have to give...

...the readers what they want.

A few days ago, Chris Brown finally made a statement about the "incident" also known as "Rihanna my love, meet my fist," the title of his single, blowing up your ipod very soon.

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

I wonder what kind of posts were made? (Can't resist...feeling guilty already...must continue....)

These posts were found on various websites (including spacebook, myface and twit) and bathroom stalls at the Los Angeles Police Department.

"Rihanna ate my last piece of double mint gum."
"I didn't really hit Rihanna, the wii remote slipped out of my hand."
"I yelled, "catch" but she didn't catch my fist quick enough."
"She hit herself, I just helped."
"This is how we show love. Next time she'll beat me unconscious."
"I didn't bite her on purpose. I thought I saw a chicken nugget on her arm."
"I was just break dancing...on her face."
"She wouldn't shut up about her umbrella, ella, ella...You have no idea how annoying that gets."

Unfortunately, I don't think this is the first time this has happened and we should have known! Rihanna has been trying to make the eye patch fashionable for months. Why? The answer rhymes with shplack shmeye.



I'm relieved to know that eye patches won't actually become fashionable because I've been wearing an eye patch around town lately and it's been a real hazard. Sure, I have one less eye to accidentally stab with a pencil (you have no idea how close I've come) but I have nearly impaled myself on scaffolding, been hit by a bus and I can't get anyone to look me in my exposed eye. The only people I know who look good in eye patches are pirates. Trust me, I know a lot of pirates. And Rihanna is not a pirate. She's just a pop singer who gets beat up by her boyfriend. She's like the Tina Turner of our generation. Oh snap...I just went there.

Can't wait for these young singers to make their comeback. And seriously, pop stars, celebrities, regular people and those with anger management issues, don't beat up your girlfriend. Or else...I'll punch you in the face. Don't think I won't.

Love,
Jenna