Sometimes people don't realize...

...how important I am.

For your information, dear readers, I have not one, but TWO, official, self proclaimed i-fans. (Please refer to past post in order to understand and familiarize yourself with that term.) There are people, who I don't have to pay, kiss, date, abuse, or be born from, who read my blog. They CHOOSE it and they like it.

The new i-celeb status is absolutely going to my head. Like, today, I was like walking down the street and it totally started raining and I'm like, dur, how dare you, uh, rain? (When you are a celebrity, all sentences end as a question, regardless of what you are saying, duh?)

So anyway, now that I am only a few letter's away from partying like a D-lister with Kathy, I am super excited to share a few non-optional things I expect from any and all who I may interact with.

1. Hanging out with me will always feel like a party and you would never go to a party empty handed, would you? I didn't think so. Most gifts will be accepted unless of course I don't like it in which case I will take it anyway and sell it at my family's annual yard sale extravaganza, because I'm down to earth like that.

2. Never wear sandals in my presence. I don't want to stare at your toes. No one does.

3. Heavy breathing or milk breathe will not be tolerated along with anyone who watches The View and enjoys it. Oh and the hosts of Good Things Utah, put them on The List of Intolerable Nouns as well.

4. Refrain from mentioning my overactive sweat glands or else I will lock you in a room with a mariachi band or Dakota Fanning. Which is worse, I haven't decided.

5. Don't take offense if I choose dinner with Miley Cyrus over you. It's not personal. She's a millionaire, I'm scared/jealous of her empire, and her face is on everything at WalMart, what do you expect?

6. Try not to look me in the eyes, wear the color white on Tuesdays or eat anything in front of me without asking if I want some first. Never wear t-shirts with horses on them. That's more of a general life rule. That goes for unicorn t-shirts as well.

I was so meant for fame. Oh and I'm also taking applications for a personal intern. I can't offer payment at first although I always have a large candy stash. You can have all the red starbursts you want. I like those the least.

The time has finally come when I can lose my sense of humor and start acting like the sale at Bloomingdale's is actually a legit sale. Before long, I'll have my own perfume line at Walgreens called "Love Cloud." After that, I'll start my own religion based on Ninjas. Then I will adopt babies illegally and name them after objects in my purse. Lastly, I'll run for president. Experience seems overrated these days anyway so why not try?

Love,
Jenna