Sometimes I'm a hazy shade...

...of ugly.

When I woke up this morning, I looked as though death was imminent. Most likely, I'll be ok, I think. But I don't have health insurance right now so I'm just going on my own self diagnosis which has at times been wrong. Last month I was sure I was dying of a brain infection because all day long, I could only smell rubber. I later discovered that the smell was coming from a the new makeup foundation I was using on my face. I've since stopped using it and the smell is history except for the foundation's residue left behind on my powder. Phew. Brain infections can be rough so I feel like I dodged a bullet this time.

My grey complexion got me thinking: what if didn't have a face?

Then the thought quickly moved to, what if I lost my ability to taste?

(shutter)

Or what if my fingers disappeared and were only little nubbies?

Even worse, what if I COULD taste but my mouth's opening were pea-sized and my nubbies made it impossible to put what little food I could in there anyway so I was forced to drink from a straw all the time and my digestive system works as poorly as it does now which means I still couldn't eat dairy products forcing me to consume dairy free Jamba Juice all the time? (It's just not as good!) And still no milkshakes?

Sometimes living without dairy is like living minus delicious. (I know I've written of this before, but I just feel like it needed to be emphasized again for a moment.)

I wonder if you are wondering why I looked so scary this morning. Well I didn't sleep much last night. I'm fairly sure I had a fever most of the night. (Fairly sure because I can never tell. That whole feeling the face to see if it's warmer than usual trick seems fake to me. Seems just as unreliable as WebMD but WebMD is more fun.) Anyway when I have a fever or a cold or the sun goes down or people are breathing somewhere, I have a hard time sleeping.

Last night I chilled in bed most of the night, wide awake, thinking a lot of crazy thoughts. I tried to take NyQuil which never works and, in fact, does the opposite and leaves my mind racing and my body relaxed. Yes, I still try it occasionally just in case it decides to put me to sleep one day.

So one of my major thoughts was a name change. I think I should be the next famous JK. JK Jones. Or just "JK." Let's imagine what that might be like:

JK a.k.a. Jenna walks down the street, minding her business when she sees a lost dude.

JK: Hey, who are you?

Anonymous and Attractive Boy/Man: Oh I'm new to NYC. And I'm totally lost and totally straight.

JK: Oh, really? How interesting! (JK laughs.) Well, I'm Jenna but you can just call me...JK.

A&A Boy/Man: Wait, I can't call you?

JK: No, no, I mean, my name is JK, you can call me JK.

A&A Boy/Man: So you are just kidding about me calling you?

JK: NO, my name is, ugh, whatever. Stupid acronyms. Text messaging has ruined my life.

End Scene.

So it turns out that changing my name perhaps isn't the best idea after all. Made more sense at 3 AM.

Writing this blog post hasn't made my hazy shade of ugly any better but it has made me grateful that I have fingers instead of nubbies. Maybe some new clothes would help my state of being right now.

Or maybe a new diagnosis on WebMD and some Diet Coke?

Brain infection, please, that's so common. I'm aiming much higher than that.

Symptom checker, here I come. Watch out.

Love,
Jenna