Sometimes I want to play...

...a game.

Today, you lovely, not to mention lucky, readers get an update on the recent happenings in "my" life that may or may not be true and/or borrowed. Isn't this game fun? Yes, it's a game. (You should know the rules.)

1. Vampires exist! And one of them works at the Blockbuster on 51st and 8th! His name is Josh. He is much more pleasant than I expected a vampire to be and he comes well equipped with an extensive knowledge of films. I guess when you've lived forever, you are more likely to know a large repertoire of movies. It's impressive really. Oh, how can I be sure he's a vampire? He tried to bite me. Well, no, he didn't but he is very pale, has dark circles under his eyes, always works the night shift, and I think I may have seen a pair of fangs peeking out from behind his deep red lips. Yes, he's a vampire. It's not a problem for me though because I eat ample amounts of garlic regularly.

1.A. I also learned recently that when a vampire and a human reproduce, you get Jewel. She's a halfsie! Do you know how hard it is to grow up in the vampire community with one fang? I'm surprised she was able to break free of her vampire roots and cross over to pop music.

2. There is this thing called the Democratic National Convention going on. Apparently, tonight, Will.i.am and Barack will be performing/speak singing/speaking, together, I hope. It's going to be t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty.

3. I'd like to pose a question that I've thought of quite a bit recently for reasons I find truly unfortunate:

Why do girls wear thong underwear? And why is it that the girls who wear them always wear pants that don't fit. Think about it. (Feel free to dry heave and/or lose appetite...NOW.) But seriously, why? Perma-wedgie? No thanks. Showing off the b*tt which, if polled universally, would be in the top three most unattractive body parts, is a horrible, horrible thing to do to other people.

4. If McCain doesn't choose Mitt Romney, I've offered to eat circus peanuts soaked in oyster shells until he changes his mind. I told some people in the "biz" about my idea and my reality show "Jenna Jonez Eatz 4 Democrazy: It's crazy." comes out next week right after "Tila Tequila" and just before "The Hills(z)." Of course, it's an MTV production which means, yes, I sold my soul to the devil.

5. Big news: according to sources, David Archuleta has a "crush" on me. I'm really flattered, I am, but I think we should just be friends.

6. Last night, our Russian waitress gasped when my friend ordered a strawberry shake. Are strawberries code for something in Russia? Is my friend on a hit list now? Should I be concerned for my safety? So, moving to Moscow is now out of the question?

7. I've decided if I don't have health insurance by 2009, I am moving to Thailand to become a celebrity.

Did you win?

Love,
Jenna