I've been on vacation...I'm still on vacation...
BUT I'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
BTWITIAILWU!
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sometimes I think I'm talented...
...and then I see this and I have to start the talent search all over again.
Love,
Jenna
(Still working on that pop music pick me up...whoops...)
Love,
Jenna
(Still working on that pop music pick me up...whoops...)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sometimes you can read this...
...or watch me read this live in person! Ok so, I won't actually be reading my blog on stage but I will try to tell jokes and I really need you to come watch me try. (Seriously, I just found out about this show and if I don't bring some peeps to it, I don't get to tell no jokes.)
Here are the details:
The ALL-STAR COMEDY SUMMER FEST!!
You are invited to the ALL-STAR COMEDIAN SHOW @ STANDUP NY COMEDY CLUB on WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19th At 8:30 PM.
This show will be one of the best of the year featuring as always comedians from MTV, COMEDY CENTRAL, HBO, LETTERMAN, LAST CALL with CARSON DALY AND CONAN O"BRIEN.
BOB DIBUONO: MTV's "TRL", FOX'S "Red Eye", SPIKE TV, Jim Bruer Unleashed on Sirius Satellite Radio
http://bobdibuono.com/
KYLE GROOMS: Comedy Central Presents 1/2 Hour Special
http://www.kylegrooms.net/
CAROL MONTGOMERY: VH1, Comedy Central, Nick at Night
http://www.carolemontgomery.com/bio.html
This show will be one of the best of the year featuring as always comedians from MTV, COMEDY CENTRAL, HBO, LETTERMAN, LAST CALL with CARSON DALY AND CONAN O"BRIEN.
BOB DIBUONO: MTV's "TRL", FOX'S "Red Eye", SPIKE TV, Jim Bruer Unleashed on Sirius Satellite Radio
http://bobdibuono.com/
KYLE GROOMS: Comedy Central Presents 1/2 Hour Special
http://www.kylegrooms.net/
CAROL MONTGOMERY: VH1, Comedy Central, Nick at Night
http://www.carolemontgomery.
MIKE DESTEFANO: Conan O"Brien, Comedy Central
http://www.puppiesandheroin.com/media
Please call and make a reservation at 212-595-0850
Admission is $15 per person with a two-drink mimimum. (I know it's a tad pricey. But hey, it will be fun???)
Very Important: Admission is to be paid in CASH at door only! Do NOT BUY tickets online or from STREET TEAMS - as this is a privately produced show and those TICKETS WILL NOT be accepted. When you check in the night of the show - please let the host know who you are coming to see on the show. This is crucial...you must let them know you came to see ME.
Even More Important: SEATING is at 7:30 PM sharp - This show will sell out!! (Or just make sure you are there by 8PM. You don't want to get turned away.)
STANDUP NY COMEDY CLUB is located on 78th and Broadway
Please call and make a reservation at 212-595-0850
Admission is $15 per person with a two-drink mimimum. (I know it's a tad pricey. But hey, it will be fun???)
Very Important: Admission is to be paid in CASH at door only! Do NOT BUY tickets online or from STREET TEAMS - as this is a privately produced show and those TICKETS WILL NOT be accepted. When you check in the night of the show - please let the host know who you are coming to see on the show. This is crucial...you must let them know you came to see ME.
Even More Important: SEATING is at 7:30 PM sharp - This show will sell out!! (Or just make sure you are there by 8PM. You don't want to get turned away.)
STANDUP NY COMEDY CLUB is located on 78th and Broadway
And if you don't come, the least you could do is follow me on twitter but I'd rather you did both. Thanks!
Love,
Jenna
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 8/17/09
The KKKKKKK (How many Kardashian's are there?): The Kardashian's latest reality program, "Kourtney and Khloe take Miami," premiered last night. It was too much. Too much Khloe. Too much Kourtney. Too much skin, hair and whine. It totally ruined my appetite.
Perv-Stache: Michael Phelps grew a moustache and now he looks like a guy who spends a lot of time on myspace. He better be careful, that little bit of facial hair might slow him down, though I'm pretty sure it's fake because I don't think fish can grow hair.
Joe Jacked-up-on-crazy-son: First of all, let me say, Michael Jackson still hasn't been buried. They are waiting to put him in the ground on his 51st birthday. Why? Because the Jackson's are weird. Second, Joe Jackson is an idiot. Last week, Latoya Jackson may have mentioned something about taking Neverland to Las Vegas and making it a tourist attraction. Joe Jackson put those rumors to rest when he said that would not happen. He said quote, "How would they do that?" Joe isn't moving Neverland to Las Vegas because it would be weird or creepy or because they only want to remember Michael Jackson for his music and not for his love of little boys but because logistically, he doesn't see how it's possible. That man is so out of his mind. I can see his mind reeling, "How would they move it? Do you think they are going to move the land it's built on as well. How will they move Neverland Ranch, the entire piece of Santa Barbara county to another state? That just seems like it's impossible. You can't just move land. Or can you? How much money would it take and make...I wish Michael were here. I'd take out this confusion on his face."
No, You're Racist: Geico pulled advertising from the Glenn Beck show after Mr. Beck claimed that Obama is racist. Cavemen are now angry that Geico doesn't acknowledge Cavemen as a race because we all know Geico thinks cavemen are stupid and inferior. They've been saying it for years. ABC tried to make a sitcom out of it. The ad campaign will never end. Blah, blah, blah...cavemen, cavemen, cavemen.
Perv-Stache: Michael Phelps grew a moustache and now he looks like a guy who spends a lot of time on myspace. He better be careful, that little bit of facial hair might slow him down, though I'm pretty sure it's fake because I don't think fish can grow hair.
Joe Jacked-up-on-crazy-son: First of all, let me say, Michael Jackson still hasn't been buried. They are waiting to put him in the ground on his 51st birthday. Why? Because the Jackson's are weird. Second, Joe Jackson is an idiot. Last week, Latoya Jackson may have mentioned something about taking Neverland to Las Vegas and making it a tourist attraction. Joe Jackson put those rumors to rest when he said that would not happen. He said quote, "How would they do that?" Joe isn't moving Neverland to Las Vegas because it would be weird or creepy or because they only want to remember Michael Jackson for his music and not for his love of little boys but because logistically, he doesn't see how it's possible. That man is so out of his mind. I can see his mind reeling, "How would they move it? Do you think they are going to move the land it's built on as well. How will they move Neverland Ranch, the entire piece of Santa Barbara county to another state? That just seems like it's impossible. You can't just move land. Or can you? How much money would it take and make...I wish Michael were here. I'd take out this confusion on his face."
No, You're Racist: Geico pulled advertising from the Glenn Beck show after Mr. Beck claimed that Obama is racist. Cavemen are now angry that Geico doesn't acknowledge Cavemen as a race because we all know Geico thinks cavemen are stupid and inferior. They've been saying it for years. ABC tried to make a sitcom out of it. The ad campaign will never end. Blah, blah, blah...cavemen, cavemen, cavemen.
And come on Glenn, really? Trust me, Obama isn't racist, he loves black people.
Love,
Jenna
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 8/12/09
This week, I'm thrilled to talk about the Jonas Brothers of the 90's, the one, the only, Hanson!
The only major difference between The Jonas Brothers and Hanson are their jeans. The Jonas Brothers wouldn't be caught dead wearing in pants with that much sag. Check it out in the single that launched Hanson's career, Mmmbop!
Seriously, the Jonas Brothers should be grateful for these older brothers singing their prepubescent voices out. Unfortunately, Disney Channel wasn't obsessed with teenage pop stars like they are now and Hanson's career wasn't quite as domineering as the JoBros. Don't worry, they still sing together. Just a year ago, they were touring around the US, refusing to sing their hit Mmmbop. Fans were angry but hey, I get it. That song requires the vocal range of Whitney Houston before crack. Even the Chipmunks have a hard time. I know. Because they told me. Yeah, I'm friends with the Chipmunks. Jealous?
My favorite Hanson song? Well to be perfectly honest, I have only ever listened to about four of them. One of those four songs keeps popping up on my ipod and I catch myself tapping my toes and singing along. It's catchy, okay! Enjoy, This Time Around. (This song is obviously from one of their later albums because they are a little more grown up and like, uh, super hot.)
Mmmmmmbop! Am I right ladies?
Uh oh, I think I like Hanson again. They remind me of Jonathan Taylor Thomas which is NEVER a bad thing. What the heck happened to that boy?
Love,
Jenna
The only major difference between The Jonas Brothers and Hanson are their jeans. The Jonas Brothers wouldn't be caught dead wearing in pants with that much sag. Check it out in the single that launched Hanson's career, Mmmbop!
Seriously, the Jonas Brothers should be grateful for these older brothers singing their prepubescent voices out. Unfortunately, Disney Channel wasn't obsessed with teenage pop stars like they are now and Hanson's career wasn't quite as domineering as the JoBros. Don't worry, they still sing together. Just a year ago, they were touring around the US, refusing to sing their hit Mmmbop. Fans were angry but hey, I get it. That song requires the vocal range of Whitney Houston before crack. Even the Chipmunks have a hard time. I know. Because they told me. Yeah, I'm friends with the Chipmunks. Jealous?
My favorite Hanson song? Well to be perfectly honest, I have only ever listened to about four of them. One of those four songs keeps popping up on my ipod and I catch myself tapping my toes and singing along. It's catchy, okay! Enjoy, This Time Around. (This song is obviously from one of their later albums because they are a little more grown up and like, uh, super hot.)
Here's what Hanson looks like this time around...
Mmmmmmbop! Am I right ladies?Uh oh, I think I like Hanson again. They remind me of Jonathan Taylor Thomas which is NEVER a bad thing. What the heck happened to that boy?
Love,
Jenna
Monday, August 10, 2009
Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 8/10/09
Never trust your hair dresser: I went in for a trim and came out looking like Kate Gosselin. Now I know why she's always in such a bad mood.
Straight Up...or Down: Now that Paula Abdul is out of American Idol, Dancing with the Stars is trying to recruit her...to be a contestant...which might be pretty exciting considering she'll probably pass out more often than Marie Osmond. My only concern: she's so used to judging, she'll critique the judges critiques and by critique, of course, I mean incoherently comment on their wardrobe. I wonder how many years it took Paula to learn how to speak Crazy. I heard that Posh Spice is stepping in for Paula on American Idol? So basically, FOX still wanted crazy but they wanted crazy to come with an accent.
XOXO: Tyra and Hillary Duff have both been seen at different times on the set of Gossip Girl recently. I had no idea GG was THAT desperate. Who's next? Dustin Diamond? Donny Osmond? David Hasselhoff? Daisy from Daisy of Love? Gossip Girl, I feel like I don't even know you anymore!
Hurts So Good: Joe Jonas is single again. I'm going to use him to get closer to his younger brother, Nick. Just call me Jenna Cougar.
Love,
Jenna Jonas, I mean, Jones
Hurts So Good: Joe Jonas is single again. I'm going to use him to get closer to his younger brother, Nick. Just call me Jenna Cougar.
Love,
Jenna Jonas, I mean, Jones
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Happy August?
I'm sorry that I haven't blogged this week. Don't worry, I will make it up to you, I promise. Over the past few days, I've been overwhelmed, under the weather and to make it even worse, John Hughes passed away today.
John who, you say? John Hughes, the master writer and director of every good movies in the 80's, had a heart attack this morning. I am more upset by this than Michael Jackson's death.
He was such a great writer! And he made our childhood so much fun! Home Alone, The Breakfast Club, European Vacation, The Great Outdoors, Sixteen Candles, Mr. Mom. Dennis the Mennis??? Without that movie, I would never be able to look anyone in the eyes cross-eyed and say, "Uh Apple." (Only my family and a few friends will understand what I'm talking about unless you've seen the movie and already know the reference. If we ever meet or speak in person, I'll show you.)
Anyway, here are my favorite lines from the movie Uncle Buck in a scene between John Candy and Maculay Culkin:
Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother alright.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.
Amazing.
Thanks, John. I'm watching The Breakfast Club this weekend! Who's with me?!?
Love,
Jenna
John who, you say? John Hughes, the master writer and director of every good movies in the 80's, had a heart attack this morning. I am more upset by this than Michael Jackson's death.
He was such a great writer! And he made our childhood so much fun! Home Alone, The Breakfast Club, European Vacation, The Great Outdoors, Sixteen Candles, Mr. Mom. Dennis the Mennis??? Without that movie, I would never be able to look anyone in the eyes cross-eyed and say, "Uh Apple." (Only my family and a few friends will understand what I'm talking about unless you've seen the movie and already know the reference. If we ever meet or speak in person, I'll show you.)
Anyway, here are my favorite lines from the movie Uncle Buck in a scene between John Candy and Maculay Culkin:
Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother alright.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.
Amazing.
Thanks, John. I'm watching The Breakfast Club this weekend! Who's with me?!?
Love,
Jenna
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sometimes the President gets crunk...
...with a professor and a cop! How's the hangover, Obama? Did you totally bro it out over some brewskies? You guys going biking next week? Maybe catch a game of bowling down in the basement of the White House? Shoot some hoops? Talk about your wives and their crazy PMS shenanigans? Smoke some weed?
Man, I wish I got to hang out with the president. Ah, racism, bringing people closer to the president one stupid arrest at a time.
It's been a weird race week. Glenn Beck claims Obama is racist. Obama is the middle man between the white cop and the black professor. I just found out I'm actually Korean and Jewish. Wait, that's not true.
Speaking of Jews (Did that sound racist?), last night, while waiting in line at The Shake Shack, a young female was standing in a little huddle with her friends when she said (and I promise she said this, I wrote it down): "I grew up a hippie Christian. For years, I wanted to be a pastor. But now I'm an Atheist Jew."
Whaaa? The world is one confusing place, I guess. Obama's bro-ing it out with two dudes who obviously don't like each other, someone in NYC actually thinks it's possible to be a Christian turned Jew who doesn't believe in God and I had to spend my entire week hearing about it. Thank goodness I'm so normal. I'm a normal joke telling lactose intolerant Mormon who hates feet and wants you to follow me on twitter just so I can have more followers than Larry King's wife. Totally normal.
And that is all I have to say, 4 realz.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. If you are in NYC and want to see me make a fool of myself, come watch me tell jokes tomorrow night, Saturday, August 1st (eek it's August!), 7 PM at Broadway Comedy Club (53rd b/t 8th and 9th afternoon). If I like you, know you and you think I'm funny, we can totally hang out after. If you can't come to my show, follow me on twitter. Do it! http://www.twitter.com/jennakimjones
Man, I wish I got to hang out with the president. Ah, racism, bringing people closer to the president one stupid arrest at a time.
It's been a weird race week. Glenn Beck claims Obama is racist. Obama is the middle man between the white cop and the black professor. I just found out I'm actually Korean and Jewish. Wait, that's not true.
Speaking of Jews (Did that sound racist?), last night, while waiting in line at The Shake Shack, a young female was standing in a little huddle with her friends when she said (and I promise she said this, I wrote it down): "I grew up a hippie Christian. For years, I wanted to be a pastor. But now I'm an Atheist Jew."
Whaaa? The world is one confusing place, I guess. Obama's bro-ing it out with two dudes who obviously don't like each other, someone in NYC actually thinks it's possible to be a Christian turned Jew who doesn't believe in God and I had to spend my entire week hearing about it. Thank goodness I'm so normal. I'm a normal joke telling lactose intolerant Mormon who hates feet and wants you to follow me on twitter just so I can have more followers than Larry King's wife. Totally normal.
And that is all I have to say, 4 realz.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. If you are in NYC and want to see me make a fool of myself, come watch me tell jokes tomorrow night, Saturday, August 1st (eek it's August!), 7 PM at Broadway Comedy Club (53rd b/t 8th and 9th afternoon). If I like you, know you and you think I'm funny, we can totally hang out after. If you can't come to my show, follow me on twitter. Do it! http://www.twitter.com/jennakimjones
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
FINALLY!
I will be buying People Magazine this week.
I love the last line in the cover, "...what is really going on and what they think of each other now." Seeing as Screech the Creep was left out, I can imagine what they think of him.
Love,
Jenna
I love the last line in the cover, "...what is really going on and what they think of each other now." Seeing as Screech the Creep was left out, I can imagine what they think of him.
Love,
Jenna
Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 7/29/2009
They're Back! They're Back! They're Back!
They reunite approximately every two years so they really don't get very far. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled every time they return. I'm just not surprised. To all those 13 year old girls out there, what The Jonas Brother mean to you, are exactly what the Backstreet Boys mean to me. I'll always love them.
Whatever, I'm normal.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. Yesterday, I met Spinal Tap. It was awesome! Those guys are hilarious. They appeared on TDS and I was able to speak with the band for a second backstage. What a day! Click here to watch!
They reunite approximately every two years so they really don't get very far. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled every time they return. I'm just not surprised. To all those 13 year old girls out there, what The Jonas Brother mean to you, are exactly what the Backstreet Boys mean to me. I'll always love them.
Whatever, I'm normal.
Love,
Jenna
P.S. Yesterday, I met Spinal Tap. It was awesome! Those guys are hilarious. They appeared on TDS and I was able to speak with the band for a second backstage. What a day! Click here to watch!
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