Perv-Stache: Michael Phelps grew a moustache and now he looks like a guy who spends a lot of time on myspace. He better be careful, that little bit of facial hair might slow him down, though I'm pretty sure it's fake because I don't think fish can grow hair.
Joe Jacked-up-on-crazy-son: First of all, let me say, Michael Jackson still hasn't been buried. They are waiting to put him in the ground on his 51st birthday. Why? Because the Jackson's are weird. Second, Joe Jackson is an idiot. Last week, Latoya Jackson may have mentioned something about taking Neverland to Las Vegas and making it a tourist attraction. Joe Jackson put those rumors to rest when he said that would not happen. He said quote, "How would they do that?" Joe isn't moving Neverland to Las Vegas because it would be weird or creepy or because they only want to remember Michael Jackson for his music and not for his love of little boys but because logistically, he doesn't see how it's possible. That man is so out of his mind. I can see his mind reeling, "How would they move it? Do you think they are going to move the land it's built on as well. How will they move Neverland Ranch, the entire piece of Santa Barbara county to another state? That just seems like it's impossible. You can't just move land. Or can you? How much money would it take and make...I wish Michael were here. I'd take out this confusion on his face."
No, You're Racist: Geico pulled advertising from the Glenn Beck show after Mr. Beck claimed that Obama is racist. Cavemen are now angry that Geico doesn't acknowledge Cavemen as a race because we all know Geico thinks cavemen are stupid and inferior. They've been saying it for years. ABC tried to make a sitcom out of it. The ad campaign will never end. Blah, blah, blah...cavemen, cavemen, cavemen.
And come on Glenn, really? Trust me, Obama isn't racist, he loves black people.
Love,
Jenna
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