Sometimes I think about...

...what it might be like to be pregnant. Let me tell you, it is GREAT first date conversation.

My sister recently had her second child but while she was still pregnant, a stranger standing in line with her at the GAP, struck up a conversation and proceeded to feel up my sister's belly.* Why do people think it's okay to grope a pregnant woman? When I'm pregnant, I'm going to give unsolicited commentary about other people's most obvious physical traits. That's right, baldy! Oh hey, what's up, clown feet! Look, it's Toucan Sam!

Do these belly rubbers think that the pregnant woman hasn't noticed? "Um, ma'am, I think you might be pregnant." Thank you Dr. Stupid, I'm sure she had no idea why her stomach was enormous, HUGE, like a ginormous grapefruit. (I really know how to be sensitive.)

Have you ever met a pregnant woman? They are emotional. I walked in on my sister crying during an episode of Scrubs. She looked at me, threw the remote in my direction and said, "It's just so sad!"* With that in mind, do you really need to point out the fact that their stomachs are exploding? You might as well just say, "From the looks of that stomach, you've probably gained 40 pounds! Are you sure there aren't two or three babies in there?"

Maybe you don't realize she's pregnant? Maybe you think she's playing a game called, "Guess what I'm hiding under my shirt?" A bowling ball? A giant magic eight ball? You can't shake her stomach when you have a question and receive an answer via bellybutton. "Ask again later! Could you meet me here later? I really need an answer."

Her belly won't bring you good luck. If you rub it, a blue Robin Williams genie will not pop out singing catchy songs and grant you three wishes.

Don't worry, frienemies, I'm guilty of rubbing a few tummies in my day.

Jenna: "What is this, a tumor?"
Pregnant Austrian Tourist: It's not a tumor!

Someday I might be a mother and I'll look down at my pregnant belly and think that in just a few years, my son will be sitting on the couch farting the national anthem, eating a Baconnaise sandwich. (If I set my expectations low, my future children just might exceed them.)

Until then, hanging out with pregnant ladies is exhausting. You can't let her do anything in public or people think you are a big jerk. I have to carry bags, open doors, tell her she looks SO skinny in a dress that you can barely tell she's 8 months pregnant with twins. Sound familiar boys? After spending a day with a pregnant woman, I have a whole new appreciation and empathy for my future husband, Shia...OR Zac.

Why do I have so much to say about pregnancy? Well I have 3 brothers, 2 sisters, 2 half brothers, 5 nieces and 2 nephews. Get my drift? But no I will not be adding to those stats...not for a long while. Yikes!

Love,
Jenna

*Story may or may not be made up for comedic purposes. Just keep on reading, sugarlips.