Thursday, March 27, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I know what you're thinking...
...could David Archuleta be cuter??? Even when he sings an obscure motivational song from the early 90's, the boy is perfect.
That's not what you were thinking?
Oh...
Well maybe you were thinking....
Where is the long awaited post about Costco?
Yeah about that, I thought of something that I wanted to write first so, uh, deal?
Ok. Here we go. Brace yourself.
Someday, somehow, somewhere, I want to punch someone in the face. One good punch like I was the star of my own romantic comedy. (All "GREAT" romantic comedies involve the main character punching the horrible good for nothing antagonist.)
I keep running into people who make me want to punch them in the face. Seven of them actually. Let me share these unfortunate people/experiences with you...
1. I walked into McDonald's with a friend of mine. He stood in front of the menu like he'd never seen it before, like we'd entered a country that doesn't have McDonald's (I'm laughing at that thought), like he was born yesterday and then said, "Hmmm, What's good here?" I wanted to punch him in the face.
2. The other night I was talking to this cute boy in a crowded apartment and he said something that made me laugh. I threw my head back, then forward and on my head's way down this girl walked past me and my open mouth sunk right into her shoulder. I bit her shoulder. WTF, didn't she see my head on it's way down? Why, why did she walk past me then? I felt like such an idiot. And I wanted to punch her in the face.
3. Kristi Lee Cook sang God Bless the USA on American Idol. It was a cheap shot. You can't kick off a contestant who sings a patriotic song even if she is tone deaf. Booooo. She should be punched in the face.
4. I was standing in a crowded subway and the person sitting in front of me decides half a minute before the next stop, to stand up. Do you know how inconvenient that is? If you live outside of NYC you might not BUT in this situation, there is no where to to move. So because he wanted to stand up, he practically kissed me as I had no where to move. We were face to face. I wanted to punch him in the face.
5. The season premiere of The Hills was on Monday night. I wanted to punch myself in the face.
6. I've decided that people shouldn't wear fedoras unless they are in a Justin Timberlake music video. I saw someone wearing a fedora the other day. I wanted to punch him.
7. I went jogging across the Brooklyn Bridge today. I jogged the bridge twice for twice the workout so I passed the same people. One guy tried to give me a high five. When I passed him again, he gave me a thumbs up and said "Good job. You go girl." I bet he gets punched regularly.
J'ai fini.
Love,
Jenna
That's not what you were thinking?
Oh...
Well maybe you were thinking....
Where is the long awaited post about Costco?
Yeah about that, I thought of something that I wanted to write first so, uh, deal?
Ok. Here we go. Brace yourself.
Someday, somehow, somewhere, I want to punch someone in the face. One good punch like I was the star of my own romantic comedy. (All "GREAT" romantic comedies involve the main character punching the horrible good for nothing antagonist.)
I keep running into people who make me want to punch them in the face. Seven of them actually. Let me share these unfortunate people/experiences with you...
1. I walked into McDonald's with a friend of mine. He stood in front of the menu like he'd never seen it before, like we'd entered a country that doesn't have McDonald's (I'm laughing at that thought), like he was born yesterday and then said, "Hmmm, What's good here?" I wanted to punch him in the face.
2. The other night I was talking to this cute boy in a crowded apartment and he said something that made me laugh. I threw my head back, then forward and on my head's way down this girl walked past me and my open mouth sunk right into her shoulder. I bit her shoulder. WTF, didn't she see my head on it's way down? Why, why did she walk past me then? I felt like such an idiot. And I wanted to punch her in the face.
3. Kristi Lee Cook sang God Bless the USA on American Idol. It was a cheap shot. You can't kick off a contestant who sings a patriotic song even if she is tone deaf. Booooo. She should be punched in the face.
4. I was standing in a crowded subway and the person sitting in front of me decides half a minute before the next stop, to stand up. Do you know how inconvenient that is? If you live outside of NYC you might not BUT in this situation, there is no where to to move. So because he wanted to stand up, he practically kissed me as I had no where to move. We were face to face. I wanted to punch him in the face.
5. The season premiere of The Hills was on Monday night. I wanted to punch myself in the face.
6. I've decided that people shouldn't wear fedoras unless they are in a Justin Timberlake music video. I saw someone wearing a fedora the other day. I wanted to punch him.
7. I went jogging across the Brooklyn Bridge today. I jogged the bridge twice for twice the workout so I passed the same people. One guy tried to give me a high five. When I passed him again, he gave me a thumbs up and said "Good job. You go girl." I bet he gets punched regularly.
J'ai fini.
Love,
Jenna
Friday, March 21, 2008
Take a minute...
...and think about the ways in which Costco has changed your life.
I will post more about this very...very very soon.
I will post more about this very...very very soon.
Another summer job...
I sang/danced at an amusement park in Utah a few years ago. It was a great job for three reasons.
1. Food: I could eat endless chicken nuggets with no consequence to my figure.
2. Fans: Men with mullets and neglected teenagers from across the northern region of the state who frequented the park by choice loved me.
3. Dance Moves: Ever seen Zac Efron dance and sing? Yeah, well, I freakin' invented those moves. I own them and I'm still waiting for my check.
1. Food: I could eat endless chicken nuggets with no consequence to my figure.
2. Fans: Men with mullets and neglected teenagers from across the northern region of the state who frequented the park by choice loved me.
3. Dance Moves: Ever seen Zac Efron dance and sing? Yeah, well, I freakin' invented those moves. I own them and I'm still waiting for my check.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I found my summer job today...
I will be a college graduate in May but I'm a little depressed about it. Why? Because I don't want to give up my summer vacations. In fact, I won't give up my summer vacation. How?
This is how my plan came to pass:
It's a sunny Thursday afternoon and Jenna's last day of spring break. Janae, Ashley, Eva and Jenna order lunch at Taco Bell.
Jenna: I'm going to get the fresco chicken burrito supreme.
Janae: Is that good?
Jenna: Sure, I like it. I'm eating it. It's FRESCO. (flashes intense spirit fingers)
Janae: Ok, I'll get that too.
Their food comes and they sit in their favorite booth.
Janae: This is gross. Take it away. I can't eat it.
Jenna: (takes a big bite) Oh. They say, if you don't like it, they'll eat it.
Janae: Ashley, take this back for me. It's so salty.
Jenna: I don't think it's salty. Plus, I like salt. (pours a salt packet on burrito)
Janae: It's salty.
Ashley takes it back and gets a chicken quesadilla for Janae instead. A few minutes later...
Jenna: That's it! I'll eat it.
Janae: (moves her quesadilla away from Jenna) Order your own quesadilla
Jenna: Nooo, If you don't like it, I'll eat it. That's my summer job. I could sit over there and eat rejected food.
Janae: Jenna, the Taco Bell Reject. That's good. I can work here with you.
Jenna: Yeah, you'll be the manager and I'll be the Taco Bell Reject mascot.
Janae: We'll put you in a cage, elevate it, and then give you a diet pepsi IV.
Jenna: Sweet.
Ashley: I'll come and laugh at you.
Eva: Babada babada ba (me too in baby talk)
End Scene.
So folks, if you come to Provo this summer and crave a little TB (Taco Bell or Tuberculosis) head on down and visit me. Feel free to order anything you want because if you don't like it, I'll eat it.
This is how my plan came to pass:
It's a sunny Thursday afternoon and Jenna's last day of spring break. Janae, Ashley, Eva and Jenna order lunch at Taco Bell.
Jenna: I'm going to get the fresco chicken burrito supreme.
Janae: Is that good?
Jenna: Sure, I like it. I'm eating it. It's FRESCO. (flashes intense spirit fingers)
Janae: Ok, I'll get that too.
Their food comes and they sit in their favorite booth.
Janae: This is gross. Take it away. I can't eat it.
Jenna: (takes a big bite) Oh. They say, if you don't like it, they'll eat it.
Janae: Ashley, take this back for me. It's so salty.
Jenna: I don't think it's salty. Plus, I like salt. (pours a salt packet on burrito)
Janae: It's salty.
Ashley takes it back and gets a chicken quesadilla for Janae instead. A few minutes later...
Jenna: That's it! I'll eat it.
Janae: (moves her quesadilla away from Jenna) Order your own quesadilla
Jenna: Nooo, If you don't like it, I'll eat it. That's my summer job. I could sit over there and eat rejected food.
Janae: Jenna, the Taco Bell Reject. That's good. I can work here with you.
Jenna: Yeah, you'll be the manager and I'll be the Taco Bell Reject mascot.
Janae: We'll put you in a cage, elevate it, and then give you a diet pepsi IV.
Jenna: Sweet.
Ashley: I'll come and laugh at you.
Eva: Babada babada ba (me too in baby talk)
End Scene.
So folks, if you come to Provo this summer and crave a little TB (Taco Bell or Tuberculosis) head on down and visit me. Feel free to order anything you want because if you don't like it, I'll eat it.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I am pseudo...
Last night I went to a pseudo apartment that smelled surprisingly better than I had previously imagined it might. But that's not the point of this story. As some of you readers might know, I enjoy learning new things that might help me in this world and last night I learned something that I am going to share with you for a small fee.
If you want to sound hip/cool/like you know what you are talking about, just throw the word "PSEUDO" in front of your favorite activities, food habits, hobbies, etc.
Now I'm new at this but I am going to try and give you some examples so you know what I'm talking about.
Jenna: I'm a pseudo-swimmer.
Friend: What does that mean?
Jenna: I think swimming is wrong.
Friend: But you went swimming last week.
Jenna: Well you know, sometimes swimming is unavoidable. That doesn't mean I agree with it.
Friend: Oh right, I get it. I'm a pseudo-drug dealer. I might deal drugs to make money but I know it's wrong and I don't do drugs.
Ok so I'm still getting used to the word. But here are some pseudo phrases that will definitely work in your favor.
Pseudo-Vegetarian - Sometimes you eat chicken but only when people force you too otherwise, you don't condone cruelty towards chickens. Instead you'd rather eat lettucy things like cabbage, for example.
Pseudo-Mormon - Be Mormon without actually BEING Mormon. They're so hip right now. Mormons are the new pink. Thanks Mitt!
Pseudo-TV watcher - This is for people who say, "I don't really like/watch TV but sometimes I watch The Hills and I Love New York but honestly, I totally HATE TV."
With the word pseudo, you'll fit in everywhere you go!
For more pseudo phrases and other tips on how to fit in (like how to metaphorically tame raging beastly lions), please e-mail your full name, credit card number, Social Security number, your address (not someone elses), cell phone number, AIM screenname, pant size, favorite food item at Taco Bell, your crush as well as his/her e-mail address, and a check for $39.99 plus 8.625% sales tax to Jenna Jones ASAP!
If you want to sound hip/cool/like you know what you are talking about, just throw the word "PSEUDO" in front of your favorite activities, food habits, hobbies, etc.
Now I'm new at this but I am going to try and give you some examples so you know what I'm talking about.
Jenna: I'm a pseudo-swimmer.
Friend: What does that mean?
Jenna: I think swimming is wrong.
Friend: But you went swimming last week.
Jenna: Well you know, sometimes swimming is unavoidable. That doesn't mean I agree with it.
Friend: Oh right, I get it. I'm a pseudo-drug dealer. I might deal drugs to make money but I know it's wrong and I don't do drugs.
Ok so I'm still getting used to the word. But here are some pseudo phrases that will definitely work in your favor.
Pseudo-Vegetarian - Sometimes you eat chicken but only when people force you too otherwise, you don't condone cruelty towards chickens. Instead you'd rather eat lettucy things like cabbage, for example.
Pseudo-Mormon - Be Mormon without actually BEING Mormon. They're so hip right now. Mormons are the new pink. Thanks Mitt!
Pseudo-TV watcher - This is for people who say, "I don't really like/watch TV but sometimes I watch The Hills and I Love New York but honestly, I totally HATE TV."
With the word pseudo, you'll fit in everywhere you go!
For more pseudo phrases and other tips on how to fit in (like how to metaphorically tame raging beastly lions), please e-mail your full name, credit card number, Social Security number, your address (not someone elses), cell phone number, AIM screenname, pant size, favorite food item at Taco Bell, your crush as well as his/her e-mail address, and a check for $39.99 plus 8.625% sales tax to Jenna Jones ASAP!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Tolerance for those who are lactose-challenged..
Last year, my digestive system decided that it hates dairy products. My body rejected dairy. Which isn't a big deal because I've dealt with rejection on many occasions. You think I'm kidding when I say I'm an e-harmony reject? NO, no. There are NO matches out there for me. (I am not compatible with ANYONE on the internet. I will be alone and now, without dairy, forever.)
So when my body said no to dairy, my nights with Mint Chip were over. It was a sad day. (Especially when Mint Chip asked for all of his CD's back.)
Life without dairy isn't easy which is why I wish people were a little more sensitive about it.
I repeat, there is a real lack of compassion towards people like me. When I break the news to friends of mine, I usually get one of these three responses:
Scenario 1:
Friend: How about pizza?
Jenna: I don't eat pizza anymore. I can't eat dairy.
Friend: Ugh, I'd rather DIE than give up dairy.
Scenario 2:
Friend: How about pizza?
Jenna: I don't eat pizza anymore. I can't eat dairy.
Friend: Does it give you diarrhea? That is so gross.
Scenario 3:
Friend: How about pizza?
Jenna: I don't eat pizza anymore. I can't eat dairy.
Friend: So like no ice cream? No cheese? No milk? What about milk chocolate? Or chocolate milk?
Jenna: I hate you.
I'm here to write that there is more to life than dairy products. Like, for example, um, well...
(several hours later)
OK. I'm back. I was having a hard time coming up with anything earlier BUT I did a little thinking, watched a little TV and I'm ready to go.
Being Lactose Intolerant is better than:
1. Switching from a PC to a Mac and losing the ability to "right click"
2. Being an in-the-closet heterosexual stuck on one of Rosie O'Donnell's gay cruises
3. Wet jeans
4. The Today Show (ALL 4 HOURS OF IT)
5. Watching The Today Show in wet jeans on one of Rosie's cruises for the rest of your life.
6. Milk breath
So let's practice a little tolerance for people like me. I mean, I tolerate all kinds of things. The music of Nickelback, the smell of steamed broccoli, stupid people, gay men who love Beyonce. So please, give me a chance. I might not be able to eat pizza with you but I sure as heck will watch you eat pizza. And I won't even talk about the fact that if you eat too much of it, it might make you fat. NO, I won't say it.
Can't we all just be friends?
So when my body said no to dairy, my nights with Mint Chip were over. It was a sad day. (Especially when Mint Chip asked for all of his CD's back.)
Life without dairy isn't easy which is why I wish people were a little more sensitive about it.
I repeat, there is a real lack of compassion towards people like me. When I break the news to friends of mine, I usually get one of these three responses:
Scenario 1:
Friend: How about pizza?
Jenna: I don't eat pizza anymore. I can't eat dairy.
Friend: Ugh, I'd rather DIE than give up dairy.
Scenario 2:
Friend: How about pizza?
Jenna: I don't eat pizza anymore. I can't eat dairy.
Friend: Does it give you diarrhea? That is so gross.
Scenario 3:
Friend: How about pizza?
Jenna: I don't eat pizza anymore. I can't eat dairy.
Friend: So like no ice cream? No cheese? No milk? What about milk chocolate? Or chocolate milk?
Jenna: I hate you.
I'm here to write that there is more to life than dairy products. Like, for example, um, well...
(several hours later)
OK. I'm back. I was having a hard time coming up with anything earlier BUT I did a little thinking, watched a little TV and I'm ready to go.
Being Lactose Intolerant is better than:
1. Switching from a PC to a Mac and losing the ability to "right click"
2. Being an in-the-closet heterosexual stuck on one of Rosie O'Donnell's gay cruises
3. Wet jeans
4. The Today Show (ALL 4 HOURS OF IT)
5. Watching The Today Show in wet jeans on one of Rosie's cruises for the rest of your life.
6. Milk breath
So let's practice a little tolerance for people like me. I mean, I tolerate all kinds of things. The music of Nickelback, the smell of steamed broccoli, stupid people, gay men who love Beyonce. So please, give me a chance. I might not be able to eat pizza with you but I sure as heck will watch you eat pizza. And I won't even talk about the fact that if you eat too much of it, it might make you fat. NO, I won't say it.
Can't we all just be friends?
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I thought of something tonight...
Tonight the female American Idol contestants had to share their most embarrassing moments. What if one of them said:
"Last week, I pooped my pants a little during my song."
Now that's REALITY TV.
(I'm so sophisticated. Why do I think of these things? I don't know. They come to me and I can't resist writing them down.)
Love,
Jenna
P.S. I passed my Senior Colloquium today. Graduation, here I come!
Also, I will write a REAL post one of these days, including pictures. I promise!
"Last week, I pooped my pants a little during my song."
Now that's REALITY TV.
(I'm so sophisticated. Why do I think of these things? I don't know. They come to me and I can't resist writing them down.)
Love,
Jenna
P.S. I passed my Senior Colloquium today. Graduation, here I come!
Also, I will write a REAL post one of these days, including pictures. I promise!
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